(Closed) People assuming they are invited to my wedding?

posted 12 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
187 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: December 1969

I’m really sorry about that.  It has been my biggest pet peeve since planning for our wedding.  We go to a huge church where I sing all of the time.  So, people think they “know” me well, when they actually don’t, but they assumed in the same way – asking for the date and then literally checking to see if they could go.  It’s frustrating.

There isn’t necessarily an easy way to say it.  Let them know that there are guest number restrictions, as is generally the case, and your list is already set.  But it would have been fun if you could have invited them…that sort of thing.  I didn’t see too many adverse reactions to explaining it that way, and it’s not usually questioned by the assumers anyway.  Hope that helps.  Good luck with everything.

Post # 4
2316 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

Honestly, I wouldn’t even mention that you aren’t planning on sending her an invitation. I’m not at all conflict-adverse (quite the opposite) but trying to invite yourself to a wedding is just rude, especially when you’re not that close to her. If she has the gumption to ask where her invitation is, then you can tell her that you simply didn’t have enough spots to include everyone. You don’t have any real obligation to her past being civil and decent.

Post # 5
461 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2009

Or maybe you could say well we’re still working on the guest list, and just keep repeating that no matter what.

This way she knows it’s not written in stone.

Post # 6
398 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2009

We had a friend…rather a person we know who really likes us and always wants to hang out but we find him rather annoying and a little too needy. Anyways, he assumed he was invited to the wedding and was even looking for flights! My husband had to straight up tell him “sorry, we don’t have room”.

You don’t owe her anything if she is just assuming she is invited. Are you putting info up on your facebook page? If so, you may want to cut back a bit so she doesn’t think it a free for all! She will get the hint when an invitation doesn’t arrive. And if she doesn’t, use the space excuse.

Post # 7
3968 posts
Honey bee

Repeat after me:  “Thank you for wanting to be part of the festivities, but, as you can imagine, we aren’t able to invite everyone we know.  Thanks for the well wishes!”  or SOME iteration of that.  I’ve already starting practicing 😉  …it’s much easier said then done -but the LAST thing you want is someone not sure if they are invited and then wondering if their invitation got lost in the mail, asking others for the event info, and then showing up because she thought she’d be invited!! 

Post # 8
24 posts
  • Wedding: June 2010

I’m kind of going through the exact same thing.

I’ve learned to just tell people that we’re having a small, intimate affair with a planned party that everyone can attend after we return from our honeymoon. Most people find that acceptable. Good luck!

Post # 9
268 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2009

It’s too bad that wedding invites aren’t like applying to college. You could send an acceptable letter or a rejection letter. That would just set everything straight. Hang in there! And be firm.

Post # 10
2220 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: January 2012

I hate when people do this… I’m dealing with this on a weekly basis lately.

Seriously, you should be upfront with her & say you’re keeping it to close family & friends.  If she doesn’t take that at face value then be frank & tell her she’s just not invited because you guys haven’t really had any sort of a relationship in 10 years.

Facebook is evil & makes people think they actually have 500 friends in real life… blah.

Post # 11
3605 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2010

im wondering if people do this to show their excitment for the person without realizing the stress it causes

and yes Recessionista, Facebook is evil and i think all brides should close their account or not post for the entire duration of their wedding planning

i would just tell her its strictly a family only/small number event and leave it at that – she is a old school friend and nothing more so you have no ties with this woman that warrants a invitation


Post # 12
1656 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

I just went to a wedding this weekend where half were good friends who are going to be invited and half are just acquaintances and everyone was asking me about wedding stuff and I felt SO awkward talking about it. I tried not to but they weren’t having it. The guest list thing just sucks.

Post # 13
530 posts
Busy bee

I haven’t really run into this yet (but I’m sure I will).

If you want a chuckle, the opposite actually happened!  Our Bridesmaid or Best Man asked me about my planning a couple of months ago.  Fiance hadn’t asked him to be Bridesmaid or Best Man yet.  So, as I’m telling Bridesmaid or Best Man details, he says something like, “That sounds fun . . . if I’m invited.”  It was cute!  I went home and told Fiance that Bridesmaid or Best Man didn’t think he was going to be invited (keep in mind he’s friends with both of us).  Fiance ask what made me think that.  I replied that Bridesmaid or Best Man said, ” . . . if I’m invited.”

Post # 14
19 posts
  • Wedding: June 2010

I’ve had numerous people invite or assume they’re coming on the guest list, and it is insanely awkward! I try to lightly smile, and simply say “We’re keeping it under 100, and it is just family”, when really it’s much more than that, but they won’t know because they’re NOT invited!!


To make this “issue” even better, I had a CO-WORKER who I’m not even good friends with, ASK to be a bridesmaid!! Can you believe that!? She said because she “is an only child, she will never get to be in a wedding!” Well, luckily we both left that employer and I deleted her number from my phone!!  People are just so rude!!

Post # 15
168 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

I’m sorry to laugh but that’s kind of funny! I’ve never had this problem…durring all 5 years of our engagement! Good luck though!

Post # 16
212 posts
Helper bee

Oh man, I work in a small office (5 people) and hadn’t decided on a guestlist yet when my coworkers basically invited themselves to my wedding.  Like, a week into my engagement we were at lunch and they started making travel plans for my wedding!  I, horrified, said something like, “well, we haven’t even picked a location let alone thought about a guest list, and we are thinking about having a small wedding…” and they went CRAZY.  I mean CRAZY!  “What?!  What do you mean we are not invited to your wedding?! How could you do this to us?!” etc etc.  It was sooo awkward.  In the end I ended up inviting the whole office and only the ones that I actually wanted there (two of them) actually came.

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