(Closed) People assuming they're invited…

posted 6 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
Member
13014 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

Tell them you haven’t set a date yet, nor have you even addressed the guest list.  I don’t know anyone who would have a final guest list two years out from the date! 

I’m sure people are just excited.  I’d try to be as nice as possible, but still give them a firm brushoff.  “I’m so glad you’re excited for us!  We’re so excited, too, but right now we’re focused on enjoying our engagement.  We don’t plan to get married for a while, so there’s lots of time for all the planning nitty-gritty!” 

Post # 4
Member
1638 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

@Britk:  It happens to us all! People are excited, noisy, want free food/booze LOL. Just give vague answers to those you know are not invited, ie “Summer 2014”. When invites are send and you get that one phone call/FB message asking for an invite just say “We are having a small wedding/Our venue is full. Thank you for being intersted!”

Be prepared for that one person who will offer to PAY  for their plate. Kindly say no.

Post # 5
Member
735 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

People inviting themselves is tough to deal with, but you have many good reasons to just smile and brush off the questions.

For now, it’s fine to tell everyone the truth – you’re so happy to be engaged and you appreciate their support, but you haven’t even begun to start planning – even the guest list.

As you get closer it’s perfectly fine to keep using polite diversions tactics, but people will catch on eventually.  At that point you can tell the people who aren’t on the guest list that you’re having a small wedding, your wedding is going to be far away, that you have so many family members that it’s basically a family only wedding… or whatever happens to be true – but doesn’t specifically say “I haven’t heard from you in 4 years, and now you think you need to come to my wedding??”

I have had coworkers and the husband of a coworker all joke about looking for their invitations to my wedding… as recently as last week – just 3 weeks before the wedding.  I remind them that I’ll be tying the knot in Maine (we live in Houston) and they just laugh and tell me that the destination is what really sparked their interest!  It’s awkward, even when you know they’re joking, but as long as you are friendly and gracious about it, peoples’ feelings shouldn’t be getting hurt just because you’re not inviting everyone you’ve ever met!

Post # 6
Member
3303 posts
Sugar bee

Just ignore them. Since the wedding is near 2 years away, they may forget.

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