Post # 1
Vent: My wedding is in 6 days (date on here is wrong.) And, I have had no less than 10 people on the yes list drop off in the last week or so, the latest being today, when a reader in my ceremony AND singer at the reception (same girl) told me she could not come because she has too much school work now and is stressed. Her name was already printed on the program. It really upset me because I considered her to be a very good friend– why I asked her in the first place– over 6 months ago!
Do these people not understand that we paid for their plates and counted them in our seating chart so now some tables are going to be half empty? We could have saved nearly $1,000 off of our $30 K wedding if these people had been kind enough to make arrangements to attend or to RSVP “No”. This is not even counting the no shows I am sure we will have the day of, or the texts I will get in the coming days about not being able to come. I understand when true emergencies come up, but to me this is such a lack of respect. FI and I are fronting the majority of the bill ourselves, and as a new couple starting out, that has taken a lot of money management, saving etc. I am just really upset right now and although I was gracious to those guests, I have a bad taste in my mouth thinking about the situation.
Can any other bees relate?
Post # 3
@Hope_To_Be_MrsLovebug: Oh yes I can totally relate! I had my uncle that just decided not to show the day if the wedding along with my cousin. I also had a friend that RSVPEd yes then two days before said she couldn’t get the day off work lol I was so annoyed at the time because we paid $86 per plate but you will be so wrapped up in the happiness of the day you won’t care 🙂 but yes, it’s very frustrating and rude
Post # 4
- Wedding: April 2014 - Italian Villa
@Hope_To_Be_MrsLovebug: Your reader/singer can’t come by for a few hours and then go home to work on her school stuff? I would talk to her about how you were looking forward to having her read/sing, and you would love if she could come, even just for a little while. I find it hard to belive a few hours away will change her fate in school.
I’m sorry that this is happening to you!
Post # 5
Ugh, how rude! My wedding hasn’t happened yet but I dread this happening. Sorry you are going through this.
Post # 6
Ack, that really sucks. I am deading this happening to me also. I will not be pleased.. But it’s not like we can issue a disclaimer when sending the invites out like “If you RSVP yes and then later decide you can’t come we will hate you forever, as we will have to pay for you even though you’re not there.”
Post # 7
Oh my god… really !!
I also dread this happening to us. We’re not even having a big wedding, 63 people are supposedly coming but with 4 weeks out I am dreading people dropping out at the last minute! I don’t want it to look like we have no friends on the day of = hopefully none of that shit will matter when it comes to our big days!
Post # 8
Short of hospitalization, a serious and unexpected conflict or emergency, once you’ve RSVPed, I think it is extremely rude to bow out last minute. I can’t imagine that she couldn’t plan ahead from the beginning of the semester for all this. It sounds suspiciously to me as if a better offer came up for the Labor Day weekend. I’m guessing that is the cause for many of the retractions.
Are you sure you would have to pay, though? Most final counts I’ve been involved with don’t have to be in quite that early. Close, though. I’d check with the venue asap to see if there is any flexibility. I was advised by several caterers that it’s easier to add people last minute than to subtract, so you might want to ask if that’s a possibility and take off a few more just to be safe.
Post # 9
Wow, that really, really sucks. I fall into the “no one had to come to my wedding” camp, but when someone has agreed to be a participant, bowing in the last week is completely unacceptable. I would, frankly, have a hard time maintaining that friendship.
We’ve had some family who have bowed out. I’m a little disappointed, but whatever. I got a FB message from a friend telling me he wouldn’t be making it–he’s heading home to Belgium because his mother is in a coma. Completely understandable.
We were expecting about 110 people. I am going to cater for 100 because I expect there will be no-shows. We are having a stand up reception instead of a sit down dinner, so I have some flexibility. Part of the reason we opted for that format was because I see this kind of crap all the time at work, and there was no way I was going to spend the week before my wedding dealing with it. It is so stressful, and I feel really bad that when people give their word, they can’t keep it, causing couples so much stress and expense.
Post # 10
That is terrible! And very rude!
I had a few people pull out around a week to a week and a half before the wedding, but before I had to put in my final numbers. I did have to reprint a couple seating cards to adjust some of the seating, which was annoying.
Other than that, we did not have any last minute cancellations or no-shows, thank goodness. We did have a few people leave immediately after dinner (was not a late meal, either), which was annoying.
Post # 11
That type of rudeness encourages certain brides (looks in mirror) to consider it nearly a “mental-health-so-bride-doesn’t-want-to-stab-anybody-the-week-of-her-wedding” measure to have a destination wedding where everybody has to get a plane ticket in advance and have reservations in hotel block that bride can check that cannot be cancelled under 2 weeks before the wedding. So I can check to see who’s actually made reservations- barring actual emergencies, if hotel charges them hundreds, they will come.
( I’m halfway kidding – we also are doing destination to avoid a wedding crasher problem we wouldve had locally and we checked in advance that most guests were happy about the destination)
Post # 12
@weddingmaven: I should have added “illness.”
Post # 13
Unfortunately, final head counts were due — and they did mean FINAL, so they cannot or will not take anyone off at this point, so we are paying for 175 people regardless.
It is a mini destination wedding, so I’d assume that people would have planned ahead for this..A couple have had to bow out due to new jobs, which is understandable, but the reader just started her first year of teaching and apparently it is way harder than she thought so she doesnt want to be stressed that next week and can no longer come. (She can’t come for a few min because the wedding is 3 hours away, unfortunately.)
To make matters worse, I told a good friend from the sorority what had happened and asked her to read the verse instead. She agreed, and I was relieved. Then TODAY, she texted me and said she feels uncomfortable doing it because she doesnt want to mess it up. Because she cannot make the rehearsal DINNER the night before she wont know whats going on. I told her the official rehearsal is actually right before the wedding, and that didnt make a difference. So now, I am again looking for someone to read the dang verse. I really love it or I would just drop it.
it just really hurts my feelings..And FI even said, “See, I told you, many of your friends always look out for themselves first.” I am starting to see he is right, and sadly during wedding planning it seems you really DO find out who your friends are/who is willing to make an effort for you/who is not.