- 8 years ago
- Wedding: August 2010
Our wedding is in August 2010. My plan was to take out a wedding/personal loan for anywhere from 20,000-30,000. But I am in mega debt in student loans. Neither he or I have good credit right now. He was laid off. Still, I thought it was worth it. But…after reading everyone’s discussions (both here on this wedding site and elsewhere) I’m thinking, NOT!!
Now, I am trying to cut back as much as I can. But there is the church fee and I’m not willing to budge on that one (my dream is marriage in a church and I have connections with the parish) or the hall we’ve already booked (it comes with everything, limo, photo, video, cake, centerpieces, open bar, etc). But other things I am trying to cut back on. I have an inexpensive dress and just about everything else I’m going real cheap on, or am trying to. Cutting the guest list, for example.
The expenses might still add up to at least 15,000 or more (I have more research to do on possible cost cuts). Now I understand the whole “it’s only one day” argument but the wedding day that I’ve dreamed of means a great deal to me and I would like to make it happen if it’s at all any way possible.
Now here’s the thing. There are some very well-off people in my fiance’s family. A couple of millionaires, doctors, lawyers, etc. So they could possibly be resources. The issue is that these are relatives we don’t talk to except at holiday parties and some emails every now and then. They love my fiance, they like me a lot, they are very happy for us. They’re basically happy, cool people, or at least that’s my impression.
These are his aunts and uncles (his mom’s brothers and sister’s) and even two of my fiance’s siblings (who he is not close to, he barely speaks to them though at present there’s no hostility) have a good amount of money. Actually his brother is going to be the best man and his children in the wedding party.
My fiance’s mom tends to get annoyed when she thinks we’re going over what we can afford (which I understand), on anything. Since my fiance was laid off and she’s been helping him out and knows we are struggling.
My question is, do we ask these relatives to help us? I fear a couple of things: his mother will get annoyed at us (she never suggested we ask her relatives and they are HER siblings), and the other is that there will be negative feelings from those relatives such as: e.g., we never call them but now that we need money we are, etc.
We had thought for a while that perhaps we could ask them but I became very uncomfortable with the idea, so I decided it was our responsiblity and that we should just go with the loan. Now I don’t think I should go with the loan route b/c of the negative things I’m hearing about it.
I know these people can afford to help us. Then again with the economy who knows, for all we know they could have lost money.
I’ve thought of how to word it to them, how to check with his mother first, etc. I don’t want to make the mistake of my new in-laws resenting me.
Suggestions? Thanks so much!