(Closed) People here make you the bad guy

posted 9 years ago in Emotional
Post # 17
814 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: February 2012

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@SapphireSun: <- what she said

Nobody is attacking you or anyone else from what I can see. You post on a public forum, people are going to give you their opinions whether you want them or not. You will not always agree with said opinions, but that’s life. Nobody is going to make it personal because chances are none of us even know you. If someone posts a personal story, we as objective readers can make our own analysis of the situation.

I’ve found this community to be very supportive. I fear that sometimes my posts come off sounding harsh, but I have English as a second language so sometimes I choose the wrong words haha. But generally, people here only want to help.

Post # 18
588 posts
Busy bee

I have no idea where this is coming from but I totally understand. There is no tone in type and sometimes you don’t WANT to hear what you NEED to hear. But reading that newbees are being sensitive and maybe they should just move on, is personally very disappointing. I’m a very newbee and have not had any bad experiences, but wouldn’t you want newbees to stay?? Telling us to move along reminds me too much of the knot.

Post # 19
979 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2008 - A tiny town just outside of Glacier National Park

When you ask for advice and don’t like the opinions you’re getting, it doesn’t MAKE you anything. You don’t become a bad guy just because people read something into your situation, but you have to understand that if many people give you the same (unsavory) opinion, it’s probably because that’s the way it looks to them. If you’re hearing things you don’t want to hear, you can choose to just plug your ears– or maybe take a look at why it seems that people are telling you them!

Post # 20
214 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

As a new bee, I just wanted to say I’ve gotten nothing but love and support even when I’ve posted something dumb or venty.  Thanks everyone!

Post # 22
3482 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: February 2011

The Bee has much more of a reputation for promoting kindness and playing nice than most other wedding forums, but that doesn’t mean people aren’t going to give their honest opinions and, if necessary, constructively put someone in their place if they’re being unreasonable and need a wake-up call.

Even if someone gives disclaimer after disclaimer saying “this is just a vent, don’t hate on me”, the fact is they are willingly posting on a public forum, and people are going to give them a piece of their mind. Welcome to the internet. The price of pouring your heart out anonymously is having to deal with the $0.02 of equally anonymous people looking at your post without the subjective emotional skew you would get from someone you know personally.

Post # 23
355 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

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@ms.oregon.state: yea, I kind of got that vibe from the knot. I am not bashing anyone who is on there, but when I read some of their stuff when I joined, it was slightly remeniscent of like a highschool prep clique or something. (not bashing the knot, they have some good stuff) just the vibe i got.

Post # 24
2657 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

Being on here for a month maybe,I have posted some crazy stuff.The respnoses I have got back?

SHould we call it (Tough Love)??

Or (Brutal Honesty)?

Or should bees say,honey we’re there for u,but girl your way off here?

 Anyway I think I had all three.Sometimes I wanted to hear the truth,sometimes I didnt.

 Dont know.Either way,Im trying to stay honest but nice at the same time.But u can be nice and honest without (attitude).


Post # 25
3798 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

Sometimes bees use tough love when responding on posts, but it really is in the  name of support. Don’t let one incident that offended you keep you from getting all that you can from this site. There are users from all over the world, and all of our opinions and advice and ideas together make this a lovely place to talk to other brides about weddings and life…and we all do try as hard as possible to be supportive and kind. Sometimes tough love is just…needed.

Post # 26
1940 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2009

View original reply

For me personally I would want a newbee to move on if they keep doing posts like this. And they happen frequently. When I joined a few years ago these types of posts never existed. Look Weddingbee or the internet for that matter is not your therapist nor your life decision maker; people on here will give you their feelings and opinions on a situation based on information you put out there. If you don’t want them, don’t post, simple as that. If you can’t handle strangers opinions or advice on possibly a situation they’ve experienced then yes an Internet forum is not for you, so people should leave. Sorry buts that the reality in this situation. This place is not The Knot and it never has been like it any way.

Post # 27
9024 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

People on the bee offer honest opinions and this usually means that some people will agree with you and some wont. If you dont want honest opinions dont post here.  I have got some great feedback from this site, sometimes bees love my ideas and sometimes bees arent too crazy about my ideas and that helps me put things in perspective. I still went forward with my “barely there letter centerpieces” even though most bees voted it wasnt enough. In the end you dont have to listen to their opinions and if its too much for you to handle then you shouldnt post on here.

Post # 28
62 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

@StarIzInkd: omg I so agree. I just started posting here and I already am considering leaving. It’s like, if you can’t say anything nice then just leave my post and don’t read it!

Post # 29
417 posts
Helper bee

I dont think anybody things your a bad guy.. nobody knows you on here to even judge you. The thing with boards like this is you have hundreds and maybe thousands of girls on here with different taste, personalities, beliefs, lifestyles, etc… What may seem sooo normal to you may seem so crazy to somebody else. When you write on here you never know what kind of response you are going to get from somebody. I have noticed all girls on here are very honest and sometimes it may seem harsh…but  I think anybody would rather honesty..and thats why they post certain questions. Dont allow people you dont even know to bring you down. I have seen many posts where people are saying they are questioning their wedding dress or wedding ideas because of the reaction they got from some other girls so its not only you that feels this way.

Post # 30
1690 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

If you dont want honest opinions dont post here.

if i ask a question i want honest answers.  i dont want people spreading sugar on everything……thats not real life at all. 

some people forget that when they ask advice , they are typing it into their computer,  but its REAL  people reading this thread and answering them. 

Post # 31
5653 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: February 2012

Some people might have been marginally snarky, but no one was just downright mean. I think most people were genuinely trying to help you.

The topic ‘People here make you the bad guy’ is closed to new replies.

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