(Closed) People here make you the bad guy

posted 9 years ago in Emotional
Post # 62
Member
10713 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2012

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@StarIzInkd: Only 1 comment has ever gotten to me in a way I wanted to leave here… but I just ignored that person and decided this place has done more good than harm and I needed to stay for my own sanity in planning. lol. 

Post # 63
Member
1576 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

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@bRooklynRocks: I agree.. I don’t put anything too personal on here either.  And I also feel like a few posts may have “kept it real” a little too much.

I’m sorry you haven’t been having the greatest experience, OP.  I didn’t post on your other thread, but I did read it.. and honestly, I did read a couple of posts that seemed like they were trying to say you don’t deserve your dream wedding or you should just give up on it.. which I didn’t think was right at all.  You don’t seem to be trying to put on a 100k production here… you just seemed to want to have a nice wedding that you could share with your family and friends.  There’s nothing wrong with that.. and I hope that you & your Fiance can come to a common ground so that you’re both happy!  :o)

Post # 64
Member
94 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

Lose (a lot of) weight. Solution. Done.

Post # 65
Member
3482 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: February 2011

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@red_rose: That would be nice in a perfect world, but I’ve seen plenty of threads where 50 people say the same thing and the OP reads the 37th and responds to that person saying, “Thank you, everything suddenly makes sense!” I do think there’s value in a lot of people saying the same thing, because we all phrase it in slightly different ways or give different examples, and sometimes one of them will just “click” better than the others.

I do also have to say, as frustrating as it is for posters to receive brutal honesty or “tough love” type comments, it’s just as frustrating for the commenters when someone asks for advice and then only responds to the one person who agrees with them, going “THANK YOU, I knew I was doing the right thing!!!” while ignoring the 102 people who told them they were heading for trouble.

 

Post # 66
Member
858 posts
Busy bee

I am sorry but people are taking the time to comment on your post (I read it and didnt think any of it was mean and I have seen a few mean posts since I have been here) then your going to turn around and complain because they didnt tell you what you want to hear? thats just not right. If you need everything sugar coated for you then this might not be the place for you. I like when the bees tell it like it is I think everyone needs that in their life. If you honestly feel someone was out of line flag their post so a mod can see it and move on. starting a thread just to complain about other bees is only going to start more trouble. Hopefully you can get past it and enjoy the rest of your time here 🙂

Post # 67
Member
4801 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

You are being way way way too sensitive AND contradicting yourself. Seriously, why start drama with a whole post dedicated to how mean people here are, then act surprised when people don’t respond well? And no one was mean in your other post, you’re trying to defend what you said on it about how you don’t want a big expensive wedding but uhh…did you actually read your other post? Because that’s definitely the opposite of what you said before. And you also said on here that you and your Fiance want the same thing in the wedding…also the opposite of what your last post said. No one can help if you’re contradicting your own posts.

 

Post # 68
Member
487 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

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@red_rose:  I have to agree with this. Whilst I have not had anything of this nature directed towards me, nor have I been involved in any of this sort of thing since joining this board, I have seen this happen a few times ie someone vents, people don’t like it and then 50 people post the same thing and make the OP feel bad.

I appreciate that everyone has the right to say what they want but when it is so many people against one (especially when they’re all essentially saying the same thing) it starts to resemble bullying and ganging up a little bit (I am sure that was not anyones intention – I’m just saying how it looks).

I also think it’s unfair for people to say things along the lines of “if newbees don’t like it then move along” because it works both ways – if you don’t like the OP’s post then move along right? Give and take maybe? Just because some people have been here longer than others doesn’t give them the right to start laying down the law about how things are run around here.

This was not a personal attack on ANYBODY. I have no issues with any of you, as I don’t know any of you. I’m just saying how it looks (as a complete outsider).

Post # 69
Member
920 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

we arent here to be all sugar coated. we are honest. we also understand that not everything is for everybody. some people hate certain things and thats ok. they will just tell you if its for you then its for you. if you ask for advice we will give it to you. sometimes it will be nice and sometimes it wont. we arent rude all the time we arent like the knot some other sites.we are here to be supportive and friendly. no vicious backstabbing people. what ever uspest you im sure was either taken out of context or not what you wanted to hear. we wont always tell you what you want to hear.

Post # 71
Member
4801 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

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@StarIzInkd: No one was being snarky in your original post, everyone was being helpful and giving you good advice. You got all upset about it and turned into around saying everyone here is soooo mean. And shocker, you didn’t get a good reaction. Did you really think that you would??

Post # 72
Member
231 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

I genuinely and 100% wholeheartedly feel that no-one in your earlier thread set out to be deliberately snarky to you. 

It’s a shame you saw it that way, but as someone who also read the thread I think most bees were just offering you an alternative perspective. 

Generally when you post something on an internet forum- anecdote, family situation, what have you- people don’t sugarcoat their response.

It sucks sometimes but when you post your innermost feelings you have to keep a thick skin and remember that these people haven’t met you and don’t know you well enough perhaps to be as sensitive to your feelings as you would like them to be.

In any case, I hope you and your other half can come to some sort of compromise on the wedding, and that all goes well.

Post # 73
Member
73 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

I haven’t read the post PPs are referring to, but I just wanted to mention, after your mentioning how you just want to throw your vent out there and that there’s more background info, that sometimes that’s great, but you have to give more info to help the bees get in your shoes better. Some bees post vents and the people who read the posts can only react to the info that’s in the first post. If it’s very limited in information and that’s all we’ve got to respond to and share your pain/confusion/sadness, then it might explain why the comments aren’t what you think are appropriate to the situation. Maybe if we knew more background info, we’d be able to support you more since we’d know the big picture instead of just the rant that makes you look selfish/self-centered/snarky/complaining/etc. Just saying that more info is better. I’ve sometimes stopped myself from responding anything because I knew there was more to what was written.

Post # 74
Member
3253 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

One of the reasons I find the Bee to be such a great place to spend my free time is the fact that everyone is so honest. I also love that there are Bees from virtually every walk of life to chime in and share their opinions on situations or concerns we may not feel comfortable bringing up with out friends and families.

If I am starting a thread asking people for advice, I don’t want them to all tell me that I have handled everything perfectly if they don’t think I have. There have been situations I’ve posted about where I thought I was 100% morally correct, but after having some other Bees suggest differing opinions, I’ve realized that maybe I didn’t handle everything as well as I could have.

It’s important to remember that this is a pubic Internet forum, so you may encounter a “negative Nelly” every now and then. What I’ve noticed is that when people like that post, normally the other Bees rally behind the OP and flood the thread with support. If that doesn’t happen, there’s always the “flag” button and one of the mods will review the thread and even close it at the OP’s request. 

I’m sorry if you have had negative experiences with Weddingbee, but I hope it doesn’t keep you from participating in and enjoying this amazing community. Posts like this where you just complain about people being mean to you usually aren’t that well-received because of the fact that there’s really no point to them other than to complain; if someone is being snarky, it’s usually best to just flag the comment and move on. You’ll be hard-pressed to find an online community where you love what everyone says 100% of the time.

Post # 75
Member
28 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: July 2012

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@tksjewelry: I agree with you.

Lets face it, tough love can be hard to take especially for us newbees but the the fact is we all need it sometimes. To be honest the first time i got some brutal honesty here i didnt feel so good-it was about something so personal i had to create a second account for it. But when i thought about what the bees were saying, i knew there were being honest and it was honesty i needed to hear. It totally changed my outlook on my issue and i realised it wasn’t the elephant i made it out to be. Also i felt alot more mature afterwards!! I am not the type of person to talk about personal things even to my closest friends, Wedding bee has been the one place i feel i can open up without being judged. Nobody really knows you here and the bees certainly have no reason to be mean to you. This is not like facebook where people are only going to comment in support of what you’re saying…This a group of lovely ladies whose experiences we can learn from, share our experiences and thoughts with, and trust to tell us the truth when we need them to. So don’t take what is said too hard, instead try to look for constructive advice you can take, even when it;s not what you want to hear. This is a community and just like any we’ll have our fair share of snarky people but really don’t judge everyone based on that.

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@vampywolfgirl: this applies to you too

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