(Closed) People ignoring our wishing well card and just buying gifts anyway…

posted 7 years ago in Etiquette
  • poll: Did people ignore your wishing well card?

    Yes....people just got us gifts anyway

    Half and half...we got a combination of stuff and money

    Everyone just contributed to the wishing well.

  • Post # 91
    Member
    910 posts
    Busy bee

    I wish people would get over this. Never have I come across so much rubbish on etiquette. I’ve been to weddings with both gift registries, wishing wells and combinations. Neither have offended me. I’m not that precious. If you are so offended by other people’s choices in life, and their right to make those choices, then don’t have friends. Because at some point someone is going to slip up and piss you off with their breach of etiquette. 

    Post # 92
    Member
    2687 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: May 2015

    View original reply
    mazz246:  right!? I just have such a hard time understanding the disgust people have with someone specifying , not the AMOUNT, but the type of gift that would benefit them!?

    This is your close family or friend and because they suggested they dont want a random toaster etc you would forfeit the chance to see them get married? What is up with people now adays!? lol

    Post # 93
    Member
    1339 posts
    Bumble bee

    View original reply
    morningcoffee:  

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    MeandMyLouboutins: 

    I concur. You are never going to please everyone. There are so many etiquette ‘rules’ associated with weddings these days and a ‘do this’ rule for some people is a ‘don’t do’ for others. Which really makes them void as rules anyway. I think as guests at weddings we should accept a bit more than it seems people do. It’s impossible to please the 100+ people on your guest list and if I offended any at mine, I hope they love me enough for it not to bother them as much as it seems to bother people on the Bee

    Post # 94
    Member
    756 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: October 2014 - Our Backyard/Steakhouse

    I think much of it stems from the fact that putting in a registry card or a ‘cute’ poem implies that you EXPECT gifts from your guests to start with.  Weddings are NOT actually gift giving occassions however, most guests will bring a gift of sorts. 

    Showers ARE gifting occasions, they are meant to ‘shower’ the bride with boxed goods – typically household/kitchen in nature.

    So, by including these cards/poems you are telling your guests that you expect them to bring you something.  Kinda rude.  And the general rule of thumb is that if there is no registry, the couple would appreciate a monetary gift – this doesn’t need to be said.

    Ex. we have not registered nor do we expect gifts but if someone asks us where we are registered, the answer is ‘we aren’t registered anywhere, but we’re saving up for a renovation to the house’

    Post # 95
    Member
    176 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: August 2014 - Stan Mansion

    View original reply
    sunshine1112:  My situation is different: We’ve been married going on 5 years. We’re finally able to have our dream ceremony/reception. Hubby is a Marine so we travel a lot and never had the chance. All of our friends and family know we’re married and are traveling to Chicago for the wedding from California (where we live). The wishing well poem is to take out the guessing part for our guests and plus, we do already have everything. Being married for 5 years means we’ve acculmulated tons of things. I don’t understand or see how a wishing well could/would offend someone. I find them helpful and in no way rude or tacky. All of our guests already know we’re traveling from out of town and have no way of transporting back boxes and they know we don’t need china or linens or things for the house. They way I feel about it is, if you don’t like it then don’t come. You’re not hurting my feelings and that’s just one less person I have to feed and deal with. I’m a straight shooter and everyone I know knows that as well. Take it or leave it. 

    Post # 96
    Member
    12 posts
    Newbee

    We broke down items we actually wanted (very expensive and non traditional to wedding registries) into smaller chunks on Simple Registry… and they send you the value in check for or via paypal in the end. It was the best idea we had the whole planning process. 

    Post # 97
    Member
    1496 posts
    Bumble bee

    It’s acceptable in my area to ask for monetary gifts over physical gifts as well. I didn’t include this on my invitations though and I probably got no more than 5 physical gifts (only one was off the registry), the rest was money.

    Post # 98
    Member
    72 posts
    Worker bee

    omg. it’s amazingly passive aggressive to buy someone a physical gift just because they specifically asked for money. It’s the bride and groom, it’s their big day and some of you would choose to punish them for the gift they want. Like seriously all the physical gifts cost money unless someone is gifting you a hug. And just by adding a simple note that says ANY contribution big or small will be very much appreciated would prevent people from being embarrassed to give 25 bucks. Seriously those people care enough about you to invite you to their wedding but you are offended bec they asked for money when they have paid 50+ bucks(probably a lot more) to have you there. do not get them a toaster, to me this is bad etiquette.

    Post # 99
    Member
    1614 posts
    Bumble bee

    It’s really not a big deal.  In the end you will recieve some cash gifts and some boxed gifts that you may never open.  <br /><br />It’s the thought that counts.  And it’s awesome people care enough to give anything.

    And being totally realistic here, unless it’s very different in your culture and it very well may b, no wishing well full of cards will cover the cost of the wedding or a down payment on a house.  Those are just life goals people have to work toward, unless there is a very generous relative 🙂

    So take it all with a grain of salt and gratitute.  If you truly have no space, donate anything unwanted but be grateful.  If you get some cash, be grateful.  And have funnnnnn at your wedding!

    Post # 100
    Member
    402 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: October 2015

    Gifts are not required by guests, it is a gesture on their part, not a requirement.  And, asking for cash in ANY form is rude.

    The topic ‘People ignoring our wishing well card and just buying gifts anyway…’ is closed to new replies.

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