(Closed) People inviting themselves to the wedding

posted 7 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
Member
2053 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

I can’t stand when people ask me openly on Facebook “When’s the date?????” Like I’m gonna announce it, and the venue for all to see. Gimme a break! I understand the excitement but geez, a little discretion, people!

Post # 4
Member
211 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

This has been happening to me too. I am trying to keep my wedding around 75 people. My Fiance didn’t even want that many, he is kind of shy. We wanted to keep it small and simple.. easier said than done.

 

Anyway I think the best thing to do is immediately tell people the wedding is “going to be VERY small.” Say it is only for closest family and only a few friends.  I exaggerate the smallness of mine a bit. People usually back off after that. I would also suggest not talking about it much to people you are not inviting. Just don’t bring it up in any sort of detail and when they bring it up change the subject.

 

 

Post # 5
Member
858 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

@Cornflakegirl: Oh, I’ve never thought of asking for the date as asking for an invitation. I just like to think about why a person might have chosen a certain date. Oops, I will have to stop. 🙂

Post # 6
Member
3522 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: December 2010

We mostly ignored people who tried to pull that crap. Some of DH’s relatives wanted to attend our ceremony, but we wanted to keep it very small and immediate family-only, so we just explained the situation and it was all good.

Post # 8
Member
2053 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

@farmgirl2106: Hi there! I understand. I can see how knowing the date and why would be a fun conversation. Unfortunately, most of the time asking “when’s the date?” usually leads to “where?” and “can I come?” or a passive aggressive “Well I hope to see a little invite in my mailbox!” It is those cases that make me feel most cornered.

Post # 10
Member
2788 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: January 2011

I had an old acquaintance stalk me on facebook.  she used to message me saying she not only needed to be invited she “must have” a plus one.  She went so far as to write a really obnoxious message on my facebook wall asking for wedding details.

Post # 12
Member
2788 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: January 2011

@KevinsWife: yea it was crazy.  We were ‘friends’ on facebook and she saw my status change to engaged.  I ended up blocking her.  I *should* have just written a quick message giving an excuse/reason regarding the guest list, but her messages were so abrasive, I just couldnt bring myself to do anything but ignore them.  It was really bizzare.

I find that people who haven’t planned a wedding (or have forgotten the planning process) are more inclined to make demands on the guest list than those who have been through it.

Post # 13
Member
5096 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

@rachaelrobin:

Definitely! The same goes for being considerate about other wedding-related details. Last summer I realized I forgot to send in my RSVP to a friend’s wedding until the day after it was due.  I emailed her right away and apologized, RSVP’d on the website AND put it in the mail, but I didn’t realize until I started planning my own wedding why couples NEED people to respond on time!!

Post # 14
Member
1909 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

@Cornflakegirl: The passive aggressive ones are the worst!

I also tell people that our venue is really tight for the guest count and it with our large families it’s going to be tough to invite our favorite friends 🙂

Post # 15
Member
79 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

Eh I always ask people have they a date and do they know where they’re having it when we are talking about them being engaged and I find pretty much everyone asks me that too. I definitely don’t see that as fishing for an invitation/ presuming you’re invited! It’s just wedding chat!!

Post # 16
Member
655 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

Ughh I hate when people do that! I’m struggling with it a lot, because both Fiance and I have huge families, and just between our families and bridal party we are already at about 130. I wanted a at most 100 people, and had to give that up very early. So then when I get people say things like “I better be invited” or “we’ll be looking forward to an invite!” it really pisses me off! Because of course it’s the people that you don’t plan on inviting that say that…GAH makes me so angry thinking about it!

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