Post # 1
Ok so heres the back ground. My Fiance wrks nights, so he mainly sleeps during the day except the days he has off, which are Thursdays and Fridays. Yesterday my friend invites us to a brunch today at noon. During the day when Fiance is sleeping. She knows this has no problem with him not coming cause she knows this. So I get there today and her mom is like. “So is your fiance just a figment of your imagination or what?” I’m kinda shocked by this. “Well he works nights.” I said quietly and went to stand by my friend and got a drink.
I dont know if she ment this to be funny or somthing. But it really hurt. Also she said it front of two newly married couples who looked at me like yeah where is he. It took alot of will power not to cry or leave at this moment.
I love my Fiance with all my heart. Does it bother me he cant do stuff like this with me, yes but he works nights and goes to school full time. So yeah hes not gonna come every where with me. People just dont get it and its already hard enough to be apart as much as we are then people make comments like this.
Thanks for listening. It may be just a silly little thing but it bothered me so much I cant stop thinking about it.
Post # 3
I understand, my Fiance works full time and until this semester also went to school full time, people always teased me that he was never with me for anything but there was nothing he or I could do about it. We had to do what we had to do and everyone else really has no say. Its hard to take those comments but they will come and you have to decide that you wont let them hurt you when hes not there because he is bettering your future together by going through all this now. Good luck 🙂
Post # 4
Sometimes people say things without really thinking about how it might affect the other person..just know that she isn’t in your situation and you can brush it off and move on!
Post # 5
It is not silly for you to be upset. My father worked nights all during my childhood and even now. Some of the teachers at my school thought my mom was a single mom (LMAO) because she was always the only one at our recitals and evening school activities. People can be really rude sometimes don’t let it get to you. My mom would get annoyed sometimes but she would just correct them and after a while it almost became a running, family joke!
Post # 6
I understand. My husband doesn’t even have that excuse; he just hates parties. HATES. He’s an introvert and he doesn’t drink, so for him, parties = no fun. I’m extremely social. This works fine for us – he gets to have some alone time; I get to go out and have fun without worrying about him being miserable.
But there were a few years where a certain group of friends decided it would be funny to start referring to him as my “imaginary boyfriend.” (This was before we were engaged/married.) Sometimes it was hard, but I basically just shook it off. They were just kidding around and they really didn’t understand why he never wanted to come to parties. Some people just have a really limited imagination and simply cannot wrap their minds around the fact that partners do not always have to do every. single. thing. together, ALL THE TIME.
Post # 7
Fiance works 85 hours a week not including travel time so we now get 1-2 evening and 1 day a week together. Thankfully no one to judge us as no family or friends here since weve only moved recently.
Post # 9
Some people are just thoughtless and rude; you and your Fiance know the truth of your situation and you love each other, and that’s all that matters. Not what anyone else thinks.
Post # 10
I completely understand where you’re coming from. My Fiance is an airline pilot with a really crappy schedule. Needless to say- he usually misses out on everything. We’ve been together almost 8 years & he still hasn’t met all of my close extended family. The comments used to bother me but now I just brush them off because I know he’s working his butt off and doing his best to make our life comfortable.
Try not to let it get to you! Hugs!!
Post # 11
We both work “nights” so we go to sleep when everyone has their supper in the oven, so no – we don’t get invited out much. And he doesn’t like my family so I go alone to most invites if I am able.
Post # 12
I understand too! I work evenings (4p-mid) and Fiance works 10p-6a, but we NEVER have a night off together, he works 6 days a week, and usually has off on a tuesday or wednesday, i have off fri/sat. I go home (2 hours away) for all holidays/family get-togethers and he rarely gets to come with me. I get comments from people sometimes, but i just ignore it. Most people just don’t get it. It is hard to deal with sometimes. I usually get the feeling that people think i’m mean for going out without him. But honestly, why should I miss out on things because of his schedule? He does things without me too. When we are both off work/not sleeping we are pretty much attached at the hip, when one of us is working/sleeping the other gets their own time/space. It works for us.
Post # 13
I just wanted to say thank you again. Ive bin haveing a really hard time being apart from Fiance lately. Hearing that others have the same problems does make it easier. That sounds just as odd as I thought it would.
Ya all are right, if i know what my realtionship is what does it matter.
Post # 14
It’s annoying for sure. My husband travels internationally for work (on average he is gone for a week every 4-5 weeks.)
I can’t stand when people say “I couldn’t do it!” or “I couldn’t bare to be away from my SO for more then a day!” It’s one thing to be compassionate, but its another to be judgy and imply that I must not love him as much as they love their SOs.
Well, they can say whatever, because all I know is that my husband and I’s relationship is stronger then ever. Plus I get to travel alot with him and always first class because of his awesome flight status, haha!
So people can say whatever they want, I will just travel the world with my husband, while they stay at home joined at the hip to theirs
Post # 15
I totally get it. My partner works 7pm – 7am (but he only works 3 days a week, so I guess it evens out?) but he’s also in school for his master’s in nursing. I definitely have friends who make (what I think are rude) comments about his schedule. I just try to not let it bug me. But that’s easier said than done.
Post # 16
I totally understand. My Fiance and I both work full time and we have opposite days off, him on Tues/Wed and I’m off Sun/Mon. It’s hard to plan anything ot do together since one or both of us would have to use a vacation day. He is also very shy and gets extremely uncomfortable when it comes to being around a lot of people he doesn’t know so he doesn’t go to a lot of social gatherings with me. No one really says anything but I’m sure they are thinking it. He has gotten better since we got engaged so that’s a good thing.
@Tostones: My dad worked an odd schedule during my childhood and still does as well and never made to any evening things at school. I’m sure some of my teachers probably thought my mom was a single parent as well.