Post # 1
Hi everyone! Happy Friday. I am a long time lurker and have finally decided to come out of hiding and post on here. My boyfriend and I have been dating for a long time – it will be six years in May (!) but I was in school for most of our relationship, and we are now finally getting to a place where we can afford the engagement and wedding we want.. kind of.
It is important to my boyfriend (and I’ll admit it, to me a little bit too) that he get me a nice engagement ring. We live in a big city, he is in his thirties, he works in politics and I work at a big law firm – he feels like it’s expected that he get me something that I really really love, and hey, I’ll take it. We went looking a couple of months ago and looked at some gorgeous options, but he needs time to continue to save. I am totally okay with that because this is a piece of jewerly I will be wearing for the rest of my life, we already live together, and there’s not a huge reason to rush it.
HOWEVER, just about everyone I know continually gives us trouble about not being engaged. In the course of one weekend, I was asked why we werent engaged by an acquaintence in front of a roomful of strangers with him SITTING RIGHT THERE, harassed by friends of ours who recently got married to expedite an immigration issue (and told me that I am “shallow” for wanting a nice ring), and told by a cab driver that my boyfriend will never marry me because I give up the milk for free.
Do any of you other patiently waiting bees have tips for shutting down these comments (without using four letter words – I’m almost there!)? The married couple asks us about this every time we see them and actually did it in front of my BFs mom over Easter. Thanks so much for your tips 🙂
Post # 3
@dcgirl655: I’m not a waiting bee so hopefully someone else will have a tip for how to shut super uncomfortable and awkward comments down – especially in front of a room full of people. But I did just want to lend my support and say (which I’m sure you already know) that sometimes people are and say S-T-U-P-I-D things. I can’t even imagine how horrified you must have been when the “giving the milk for free” comment was made. I’m horrified for you. But just know that you and your SO are doing the right thing for yourself and your relationship and it doesn’t matter what anyone else says – your commitment to each other is what matters.
Post # 4
Ugh, I’ve had the “milk for free” comment thrown at me more times than I can count (been together 5 yrs in July) and of course the “why don’t you guys just get married, already? what are you waiting for?” I’m to the point where I just smile and say, “Oh, we are, we’re in no rush.” Meanwhile, I’m seething, and want to say, “Umm, why are you asking me? Go fucking ask him!” It shuts them up, without having to have any awkward feelings from either side.
Post # 5
People say stupid, insensitive things. I’m sorry, it’s frustrating I know!
My SO and I haven’t been together that long 1.5 years but he already asked my dad for his blessing and we already went ring shopping. The ball is now in my SO’s court. I have a very pushy, nosy family and every time we see them, they badger us about an engagement.
For me, I think it’s easiest to say that you’re enjoying the journey and while you’re excited for it to happen, you know it’ll be best enjoyed if it happens naturally. I usually then change the topic, turn the conversation back to whoever asked the question. It takes the focus off of the insenstive comment and you don’t have to feel like you’re being rude. Hope that helps!
Post # 6
I usually don’t answer – I just return with another question. “Why would you ask that?” “Don’t you think that’s a rude question to ask in front of us both?”
Otherwise, especially if it’s particularly rude, I just reply with sarcasm. In response to why you’re not engaged yet: “Oh my GOSH, I have just honestly not even thought about it, the thought has NEVER EVEN CROSSED MY MIND, thank you for bringing up that unique idea!”
It’s surprising to me how little consideration people have for the sensitivity of that kind of topic. Especially in the case of waiting bees whose SOs are hellbent on surprising them – discussing it in front of him is not going to help at all! It’s not like you’re just sitting around waiting for someone to bring it up, so that you can both snap out of it and get engaged already! People just don’t think.
Post # 7
Before we were engaged, we were asked this all the time. Humor became our go-to response.
“So when are you two getting married?”
“Oh, eventually…SO’s divorce has to be finalized first!”
or “We’re not. We don’t really like each other that much.”
People either got very confused or laughed. Either way, it shut them up.
Post # 8
Thanks so much for the comments ladies! People really don’t get how rude they can be. I am total fine with the status of things until people start making these comments – it leaves me feeling like they are insinuating that there is something wrong with me or our relationship.
@Crindy, the comment about the divorce is priceless. I just may use that one next time!