(Closed) People saying you’re “Too Young”?—A Thread Just for You

posted 9 years ago in 20 Something
Post # 62
Member
120 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

I absolutely hate hearing this! We were 19/21 when we got engaged and will be 21/23 when we get married.  We have been together for 4.5 years as of now and will have been together for 6 years when we get married.  I have gotten told “You guys are so young! Wait awhile!” I don’t know how many times.  I understand that many young people are “too immature to get married,” but it makes me upset that we are being put into this category.  We have never broken up, or taken time apart.  We are not interested in getting wasted and partying all weekend, or anything like that. We both know what we want in life and both couldn’t imagine being without each other. Any place I am, I want him to be, and vice versa.  We are constantly told how much older people think we are, yet practically get scorned for getting married young.  The fact that we have waited this long is practically a miracle (we wanted to wait until he had a job and I was done with school).  Anyways, he is about to start a job with Edward Jones and I will be an RN a semester after we get married (so they should be happy right?! haha).  I’m done trying to prove to people that we are “old enough to get married.” It’s not about them, it’s about what makes us happy!

Post # 63
Member
9 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: August 2012

@truitjen:  I love everything you said! It really is your own decision, not anyone else’s so you shouldnt listen to anyone. It’s true what you said about having a mature mindset.

Some people say I’m young because I’m only 24.  Then if you consider that we’ll be together for 8 years this year and we have two children together (the oldest of which is 5), then people say: What were you waiting for?!

So really, like you said, everyone’s situation is different. I think that everyone has a right to an opinion and to live the way they want, however each person’s situation is different and it’s best to let that couple make their own decisions.

Post # 63
Member
9 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: August 2012

@truitjen:  I love everything you said! It really is your own decision, not anyone else’s so you shouldnt listen to anyone. It’s true what you said about having a mature mindset.

Some people say I’m young because I’m only 24.  Then if you consider that we’ll be together for 8 years this year and we have two children together (the oldest of which is 5), then people say: What were you waiting for?!

So really, like you said, everyone’s situation is different. I think that everyone has a right to an opinion and to live the way they want, however each person’s situation is different and it’s best to let that couple make their own decisions.

Post # 64
Member
1 posts
Wannabee
  • Wedding: July 2012

Wow, I feel lucky in some ways that my Fiance and I haven’t heard any comments like this yet. Now I know what’s coming our way.

 

We will be 21 by the time we marry. Our relationship has never been “by the book”. We met over the summer before our freshman year at college. I was a virgin, and he was a “seasoned” jock. Lol. I truly believe that I was meant to save myself for him. We started dating after spending the entire summer getting to know each other, and moved in together 2 months into the relationship. We were separated over the summer after freshman year, which was when I decided that I wanted to join the military instead of finish school. We broke up, and the next year and a half were some of the hardest and most teaching times of my life. By God’s grace, I was stationed back home, only 3 hours from where his university was. He reached out to me, we apologized for the past, and the rest is history.

 

Every step of our renewed relationship has been making decisions together and compromising. Nothing about the way we handle our relationship is immature, which is partly due to the fact that my “growing years” were fast-forwarded by the military and his were all partied out by the end of his sophomore year. That’s not to say that we don’t need some help in areas. I am terrible at budgeting and he is a terrible self-motivator. But what we lack individually is compensated by our union. 

 

I’ve spent my young adult years risking failure and taking chances. No matter what chance I take, I make the decision that this is exactly what I want to be doing. Yeah, there’s a really big chance I could crash and burn. And yeah, it doesn’t help that the odds are against me. But as long as I am honest with myself and firm in my decision, everything will be alright. 

 

My advice is this: trust yourself. Always be honest with yourself before anyone. And once you’ve made a decision, stick with it. When you have those things, it doesn’t matter what anyone else thinks. Everyone is entitled to their own opinion, but you choose what to listen to.

Post # 65
Member
58 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

We will both be 22 – everyone says we are too young. But we’ve been together over 5 years, most of that LD, which was definitely not the easiest thing in the world. We both don’t have “stable” jobs, but I plan on going ot grad school, so that provides some stability for a few years. We’re both hard workers and willing to make sacrifices when the payoff is getting married to each other. 

I’m glad I saw this thread – makes me feel better. Not that I need everyone to give me their full approval because I don’t care that much what others think, but sometimes its a bit disheartening when it seems like most people keep trying ot convince you otherwise.

Post # 66
Member
20 posts
Newbee

THANK YOU for posting this. I am 18 (a couple weeks from 19) and just got engaged. The comments that come out of people’s mouths when they learn my age are just vindictive and mean. One of my favorites being “wow, that’s taking teen puppy love to a new extreme huh?” I probably got a handful of congratulations which was heartbreaking. We are getting married sometime in September of 2013 after he graduates college as a forensic chemist (he’ll be 23), and I’ll be over halfway done with school (elementary education) at 20. We won’t be having kids for a good 6 or 7 years after he gets his masters. We live at home and in an off-campus apartment and commute.

That being said, we have been together for almost two years and he was my best friend for four previously. We knew after two weeks that we were meant to be together. (Imagine my mother’s surprise after two weeks and coming home saying “oh yea! By the way, we are getting married! lol) People don’t take us seriously due to our age, and its enraging at best. We actually had a venue book over us on our date because of it. I feel we are quite mature for our ages, and neither of us enjoys the “party scene”. It’s just hurtful when people act like your love is infatuation, and act like you are “playing wedding” like a 5 year old. I come from a line of divorces about 4 or 5 generations long, all of whom were married at or after 24. In my case, age doesn’t matter. It’s really about maturity and your ability to stay and work out issues even during the good, the bad, and the ugly, while avoiding the oh-so-common wandering eye.  

As for finances, we are enrolled in Financial Peace University and regularly sit down and discuss how to budget with his money-genius parents. He’ll be making a good salary right off the bat and I’ll work part time on campus during my breaks in the day. Money will still be tight though, Worst case scenario (a.k.a. if he doesn’t get a job right away), both of our parents have volunteered their houses for the first year or so.

Bottom line. I love him. Truly love him and can’t wait to grow and change with him as the years go by. I can’t wait to experience life with my best friend and my soul mate holding my hand all the way through it. On that note, just because I’m young doesn’t mean I have absolutely no idea what I’m getting into. Marriage is really hard, and honestly, sucks at times. Before people judge, the need to know me, my fiance, and our story.

Post # 67
Member
2 posts
Wannabee

I’m 20 and my man has just turned 21. We’ve been promised (as a kind of pre-engagement) since October 15th, a little over three months after we started dating (July 4th). We’ve been talking things over and we’ve got a lot of things decided, i.e. the rings, dress and bm dresses, flowers, venue, etc. We’ve moved forward in planning without talking to my parents yet. Now, there haven’t been any phone calls made or plans set in stone, most of our plans come from research on the internet and what we know we want to do. He’s planning on asking my parents for their permission on April 7th, which is their 23rd wedding anniversary. My biggest fear is my parents will say no, simply because they think we’re too young (I’ll be 21 in September, I’m only 7 months younger than my man) and that we don’t really know what we want, since we are barely in our twenties and we’ve only been together for seven months at the moment, nine months when he asks. I’m a sophomore in college, and he’s working full time and getting ready to go into the AirForce. We’re planning on waiting until July 2014 (I’m scheduled to graduate May 2014) before we get married. How do we show my parents that we’re alot more mature without revealing the plans too early? The catch is I’m the oldest of their children, and my parents and I haven’t communicated really well during high school or beyond. We’re both ready to move to the next stage in our relationship, he’s already calling me his wife-to-be. We’re both traditionalists, don’t believe in divorce, and we want my parents permission. They think he’s “safe”. I don’t think they realize that he’s “mine”, just as I am “his”. I’m worried they think that he’s just another guy I’m dating. He’s not. Help?

Post # 68
Member
672 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

The thing that annoys me the most is when people give reasons why I shouldn’t get married at (insert random “young” age)
 This is the one question/statement that gets under my skin more than any other.
Someone said this to me yesterday and I nearly lost my mind.

“Don’t you want to experience life? You should get out, explore, party and date lots of people.”

Experience life? I wasn’t aware marriage, buying a home, starting a family and building a life together constitutes as something other than “experiencing life.” I happen to think I’ve experienced more life than most people my age. My Fiance and I have done relief work in Haiti. We have traveled to Europe. We’ve visited friends in Norway and seen the Northern Lights. We’ve been skydiving. We’ve watched two great friends suffer and die of cancer. We’ve dealt with the struggles of family illness. We’ve dealt with serious car crashes and being mugged. So yeah I’m pretty sure we’ve experienced some of what life has to offer and guess what, we’ve done it all together.
Why would I want to do the typical college partying? It’s not my thing now and wouldn’t be my thing if we weren’t together. I’m a sloppy drunk and I don’t enjoy watching sloppy drunks so I therefore refrain from drinking heavily in order to prevent sloppy drunkeness. And why would I want to casually date lots of people but return home to spend the night alone when I have the most amazing guy to cook dinner with and spend the night on the couch reading and drinking wine?

It really aggitates me when random strangers assume they know what’s best for my life. If getting married at 35 and having kids in your 40’s works for you that’s great. I would be totally supportive and you’d never hear one disparaging word from me about being too old. I’ll worry about my life and you can worry about your life, okay? Thanks!

I’m just thankfully we both have such a great support system and that we have such good relationship examples in our families. Between us both we only have one divorced couple (his mom and dad divorced when he was 1) and the majority of people in our families got married between 18-25.

 

Post # 71
Member
40 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: April 2014

I am only 21 and my FH is only 24.  I thought we’d face a lot of “ageism” about our engagement, but a few things have lightened that stress a lot:

1.) We’re in East TN, and, here in the south, people get married young.  It’s just more common.  I was born in Maryland and grew up in Ohio until I was entering high school, so I was 14 when my family moved to TN, and I’ve noticed that people seem to get married younger here than in either of those places.

2.) Our wedding date is far away.  Our hopeful date is April 26, 2014, so we’re having a two year engagement.  By the time we get married, we’ll have been dating exactly five years.  That’s a lot of time to keep growing together.  Plus, it gives me over a year after I’ve gotten by BA degree to get a job and jump into a grad program.

3.) My family is very supportive.

My godmother, who lives in Maryland, had to stand up to some of her family up there, who said that we were very young and that it might be too soon.  She told them that we are more mature, fiscally and emotionally, than any of them were at our ages and that we “have our sh*t together.”  Hahah.  Gotta love her!

My dad, when I asked him if he thought we were too young, replied: “Do I think you are both young?  Yes.  Do I think it matters?  No.  If I didn’t think it was a good idea, your mother and I would not have given him our blessing when he asked.  So basically, shut up on the topic, kiddo.”  He loves my FH, and my daddy knows best!  πŸ™‚

 

So age… Yeah, if you’ve got your stuff together, who cares?  I <3 my FH, and that’s what matters, bottom line.  πŸ™‚

Post # 72
Member
81 posts
Worker bee

My Boyfriend or Best Friend informally proposed to me….meaning there isnt any ring yet and i said yes. i told my mother about him and i assume she told my dad. im so excited about having Derrick as my life partner, we are both 23 years old. my problem is that i dont know whether to go to graduate school first (next year january) or get married first. i really cant wait anymore, i want to be with him. and to make it worse we have a long distance relationship, so we see each other less often. I have spoken to my parents abput having a small wedding etc etc and its been good but their concerns lie at me finishing graduate school and being a clinical psychologist 1st. Please help what should i do, should i get married next year or should i go keep on waiting 3 more years??? getting married while in grad school might be a challenge because i need to focus solely on my books since psychology is a challenging course.i need advice please. Thank you

Post # 73
Member
747 posts
Busy bee

I have been struggling with this as well. I’m 22, graduating college, will be 23 when I get married. I get comments both from people my age (that just “can’t see themselves getting married now” – well, I’m not them, so get off my case) and older people, who assume I’m the typical 22 year old and heap pounds of wisdom onto my shoulders thinking they’re being helpful. Um, not.

The moment I knew I was ready to be married was when, after numerous conversations with my mother (over skype, my parents live in Europe and I’ve been living in the US alone for 4 years while in college) about common problems in relationships, marriages, how to make one survive, etc. she commented to me how I have told her things in these conversations that she never learned from life until she was at least 40. If my mom, who is the person who knows me best in the world, thinks I have the relationship know-how that she did when she had been married for 10 years, then I know I can get married and ignore all those divorce statistics.

I am also marrying an older man (10 years older). I have to say that I grew up a lot faster during the 3 years I’ve been dating him (and especially during the last year of living together). So that may have helped. I have no doubt we still have a lot of growing up to do together, but I know we both handle our relationship in a way that most 35-year olds don’t. So, yeah, we’ll keep our marriage and happiness, you can keep the comments to yourself. πŸ™‚

Post # 74
Member
747 posts
Busy bee

@Smurfylove82:  I would recommend starting an independent post so more people can see what you wrote. I personally didn’t see it until I contributed to this thread. Will marrying mean that you can stop being long distance and be together? You’re really the only one that can make this decision for you. If there’s no other time pressure, I would wait so I can focus on my school work. I understand that you just can’t wait to be married and together, and if this will bring you together and you think you can handle a marriage while not being distracted from school, I would say get married.

Post # 75
Member
153 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

I’m 22 (almost 23) and he is 24. When I tell people that I’m engaged, I usually follow it with “we’ve been together for over 7 years.” That seems to suffice for most people. It doesn’t really bother me because all of our friends and family know how long we’ve been together and how crazy we still are for eachother. I can expect strangers and aquantinces to react differently, and I just give them that same information. The people who matter most to me support our marriage, and that’s all that matters. I’m positive that people don’t see me as naive or stupid, so I don’t take their responses that way. People will be people. They’re curious. Just respond politely what your deal is, and they’ll leave you alone about it. Maybe they will even learn their lesson after hearing your quick explanation and feel ignorant for judging your relationship when they know nothing about it. Both of us have been waiting quite a while to have the financial ability to have the wedding we want, and we are enjoying every minute of it πŸ™‚
Don’t let people get in the way of enjoying the planning process. It’s a part of your life you will always look back on.  

Post # 76
Member
52 posts
Worker bee

FH and are are 19 now and we believe we are not too young.  We both believe that if you have not graduated from high school, then you should not be getting married, let alone engaged.  Although FH and I plan to get engaged next year (sophomore in college), we do not plan to marry till I complete college and he has a stable job.  That’s just our opinion though! πŸ™‚

Post # 77
Member
85 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: January 2013

I love one tree hill and this is one of my favourite quotes from the series. Thought it would be perfect for this tread πŸ™‚

“You can drive at 16, go to war at 18, drink at 21, and retire at 65. So who can say what age you have to be to find your true love?”

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