- 3 years ago
- Wedding: June 2017
Brief background: We are having a tiny (immediate family only, 12 guests) destination wedding in Las Vegas in 4 months. I have pretty bad anxiety and honestly couldn’t do the traditional wedding with a lot of guests and being in the spotlight for an extended period. To me it just feels like such a personal and private affair, the thought of getting married in front of other people makes me cry. Ideally I would have preferred just the two of us eloping somewhere – I am very excited to marry the love of my life and a private thing with just the two of us would have been amazing, but my partner comes from a traditional background and really wanted to share it with his family.
There were many tears shed at the idea of a wedding before we agreed that a Destination Wedding would be a good compromise. If we did it at home everyone would obviously expect an invitation and it would be more effort than it was worth to try not to offend everyone and explain why they aren’t invited.
Over the weekend my partner has advised that two of his mum’s sisters have decided they are going to come as it’s a good opportunity for them to all see each other as they all live in different countries. In total 5-6 people have pretty much self-invited themselves: two sisters, plus one of the sisters 3 kids (all adults) plus a wife of someone. The 12 guests we had was already a pretty big deal for me and I’ve been pretty upset all weekend thinking about this. It’s stressing me out a lot and my anxiety thinking about the day has gotten pretty extreme.
As far as I’m concerned they can all come and hang out with us later at our itty bitty reception (if you can even call it that), but I don’t need 6 extra people at the ceremony. Fiance thinks it isn’t a big deal as it’s not that many extra, but it’s 50% of our existing guest list. It’s also unfair to the family I had to tell they shouldn’t expect an invite as it was immediate family only (grandparents and aunt).
Fiance knows why we are doing this as a destination, and I’m unsure why he thinks it would be okay to let just another 6 people attend. We never invited them, they simply asked his mother for the dates and said they were coming. Apparently this is normal in his family, and he said he doesn’t know how to uninvite them – this confuses me because they were never invited in the first place. I’ve also been told that they might not come at all if they aren’t allowed at the ceremony, so I feel really guilty that it will be my fault his mum doesn’t get to see her sisters (it’s been 20+ years probably?).
I don’t know what to do. I don’t want to be the reason his mum doesn’t get to see her sisters, but I also feel that my wedding shouldn’t be used as an excuse to do so? If they really want to see each other just go and do it – book a trip to visit your family. It’s also upsetting Fiance that he will have to tell them they can’t come. I feel like my anxiety is ruining something which is supposed to be a happy occasion. I want him to be happy and invite whoever he pleases, but just thinking about this is making me depressed. I’ll be happy when it’s over.