People self-inviting to small destination wedding (upset/rant).

posted 3 years ago in Destination Weddings
Post # 2
Member
2146 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2017

if they ask just tell them they’re not invited… no one can invite themselves to a hosted event

Post # 3
Member
2704 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2015 - St Peter\'s Church, East Maitland, and Bella Vista, Newcastle

Stick to your guns.  You are not being rude by letting them know they cannot attend – THEY are being rude by self-inviting.  Your Fiance needs to contact them and say “dear Aunt X and Aunt Y, there seems to have been a miscommunication regarding our wedding.  We are having a private ceremony with just our immediate families present, and so we are unable to extend an invitation to you for that.  You are welcome to our reception if you would like to attend that.”  Don’t feel guilty – IT”S NOT YOUR FAULT that they chose to invite themselves and crash your wedding.  

Post # 4
Member
411 posts
Helper bee

I’m so confused about why this is the e only time in 20 years for the sisters to see each other? Are you (and FIs parents) coming from abroad and they live in the area? I’m with you, just book a trip some other time, or arrange another time during the trip to catch up. Who would even want to go to a wedding for someone that hadn’t seen in 20 years, especially such a tiny one.

It’s good that you are sensitive to Fiance feeling like he’s in a tough spot, but ultimately he needs to get on your side so that you aren’t miserable on your wedding day.

Post # 5
Member
1412 posts
Bumble bee

The aunts inviting themselves is rude. But you’re being rude by not inviting the wife of an invited guest. Especially as it’s a destination wedding. 

Maybe elope if the jump from 12-18 people is going to make you so anxious that you’ll cry. 

Post # 6
Member
1415 posts
Bumble bee

knickergold :  She’s saying that two aunts, plus an aunt’s three kids, plus one of the kids’ wives have self invited. Not that an invited person’s uninvited wife has self invited.

terrifiedbride :  Talk to your fiance. You two need to be on the same page on this. Particularly emphasize how unfair it is that rudeness on his aunts’ parts (inviting themselves) might mean that they get to be their when your family has not been rude and thus won’t get to be there.

Then, probably see a counselor or a therapist about your anxiety. It’s not healthy to have such a severe level of “stage fright” and might be getting in the way of other things in your life.

Post # 7
Member
9588 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2016

bumblebug :  thanks for clearing that up. I read it the same way knickergold did.

OP: good advice here, nothing to add. just wanted to wish you luck and strength when you talk to Fiance.

Post # 8
Member
342 posts
Helper bee

terrifiedbride :  Tell him you wish to get married privately the day before, just the two of you and then celebrate with the rest of the family the next day.

You will free yourself if you get some help for your anxiety, so I’d think about that too.  Good luck.

Post # 9
Member
235 posts
Helper bee

This is the time for your Fiance to step up and stand behind you. Is he going to put you or his family first? Time to see where his priorities lie…

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