(Closed) People that RSVP ‘Yes’ But Don’t Show Up

posted 10 years ago in Married Life
Post # 77
Member
103 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

We had one couple not show up at all.  No word yet as to why.  And they were one of the first to RSVP.

Then we had two couples show up only to the ceremony & didn’t come to the reception.  With a small wedding (28 people), those two couples not joining us for lunch really stood out like a sore thumb.  They never told us that they would only come for the ceremony either.  Heard through the grape vine that one had mentioned to another guest at the ceremony that they wouldn’t be coming to the meal.  Wish they could have told me that before I gave them a seat at the table.  It was ackward.  Two people at that table had to be moved so they weren’t alone.  Personally I find it very rude to not tell the b&g that you won’t be coming or only doing half.  It upset me.  But oh well, can’t change the past.

Post # 78
Member
3525 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

We had one couple that did not show up. The most annoying part is they were a last minute add that we figured if his brother did not come he would not either. His brother RSVPed no then he RSVPed yes. And we thought that’s weird but that’s great that he wants to make the trip!!

Come day of. Did not show up. No excuse. Just did not.

And another set of coworkers of FIs who we just knew would bail out last minute. Kept assuring husband that they would come. We told them MANY times if they could not just let us know we would understand! But no, they affirmed MANY times they will. Wouldn’t you know it 2 days after we sent final #s they told husband they could not come. And they knew when we had to give final #s!

F8ers.

Post # 79
Member
7052 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2010

Wow…seems to me there is also this unthoughtful trend of not gifting if you don’t come now.

Hmmm.  is it a reaction to our recession?  Or is it that people nowdays are just imho more rude or have less emphasis on any etiquette?

I am still reeling from the friend of mine who facebook im’d me asking how the wedding went and wanting to see pics up when she couldn’t even find the time to send in her rsvp.  So I just yesterday sent her back my response, telling her I was sorry I couldn’t get back to her, as we lost our beloved dog last weekend, and that I’d been really busy getting my house together and my son ready for new school, etc.  But I DID let her know I had everything ready for her to come, and for my other friend (who was to come with her, they’re old friends) too, and that even down to their out of town bags were made for them.  I mean, being too lazy to walk to your mailbox and put the darn pre-stamped pre-addressed envelope into it is beyond rude and lazy. 

If somebody is going to be imho rude to you, then they deserve to hear the truth whenever they do contact you.   Granted, I was nice, but I let her know the truth.

Post # 80
Member
1518 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

We had 2 couples that I noticed.. one went to another wedding instead, and one went to help their brother move. hmm not good enough excuses for me especially since they didn’t let us know they changed their minds on attending! I think we had a couple others that didn’t show but i didn’t know about it because they were either parents friends or from the grooms side. It is really annoying though.. especially when you pay so much for each person a plate! It frustrates me with people’s lack of etiquette! 

Post # 81
Member
995 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2009

I guess we were really lucky. Everyone showed up and we had 120 guests.

However, I WISH that DH’s niece and her bf had not showed up …or perhaps left after dinner. I have given up hope that they will apologize for their drunken, disgusting dirty dancing on the dancefloor, their loud domestic which left her in tears, and then her trying repeatedly to explain it to me. Seriously? Oh, and no gift. 🙂 Too classy lol.

Post # 82
Member
2 posts
Wannabee

We had 5 no-shows at our wedding, out of 57. My wedding was basically a destination wedding for everyone else but us (they all live on the east coast.) My sister-in-law got pregnant during our engagement and was due (of course) 2 days after our wedding date. My brother and nephew flew to CA to attend my Hindu wedding ceremony, but then got a call that my sister-in-law was in labor. They flew home on the morning of my Western wedding, missing the ceremony and reception.

Another couple and their young son were unable to travel since the wife became ill 2 days before the wedding and was afraid of getting on the plane, infecting their child, and just generally being sick for the festivities.

I had only paid for the three adults, not the children, so it wasn’t that bad.

What’s slightly worse is that our 3 best friends missed our ceremony and only attended the reception. My best friend, perpetually late, walked in just as we were doing the receiving line. The other two forgot our marriage license at home and had to rush back, thus missing the ceremony.

However, none of this actually bothered me. These people love me and I love them. There was nothing spiteful involved. We didn’t invite anyone that we didn’t truly want to spend the day with us, so regardless of whether or not they gave a gift (this is never a reason to invite anyone), we were married and life goes on.

 

 

Post # 83
Member
900 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

I was really lucky.  No no shows…93 guests.  Yay!

Post # 84
Member
101 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

I only have like one no show because the mom forgot she rsvp her kid, it was an honest mistake, so it’s ok.

I was a little iffy about the no show to the church cermony though..even they rsvp yes.  The ceremony meant more to us than the reception..  ppl were running a bit late to the ceremony too, I know parking is hard, but they are all from the same church..   it trigger the manager asking me how many guest should come because the church is kinda empty.  it immediate makes an exciting bride sad, like no one cares?  I was fine later on, and more ppl did show up.. but then it already kinda effected my mood for a little bit just prior to the ceremony..

Post # 85
Member
1440 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

so glad I’m not the only one. I had 4 (one was a guest of an invitee) no show day of. We had a couple of people back out the week before, but we were able to adjust our catering numbers. The ones who backed out before were two of the cousins that we were strong armed into inviting … and they didn’t even come!

My sister and her guest … apparently my sister go sick, In My Humble Opinion I’d be at deaths door before deciding not to go to a wedding I had RSVPed to.

A university friend who had ‘car trouble’, really, I think she was just PO’d I didn’t let her bring her new boyfriend. This wasn’t too bad, as I was able to invite another friend who was able to join us for the reception.

My former professor, this one annoys me not because she didn’t come (apparently was sick), but that it has been 3 weeks since the wedding and she hasn’t contacted me. She contacted my co worker, I even sent her an email … nothing.

 

I think out of anyone, a guest RSVPs yes and doesn’t show up should feel even more ‘obligated’ (for lack of a better word) to send you a card (and hopefully a gift). But reading all your posts makes me realize, I probably won’t get a card from any of these people.

Post # 86
Member
1 posts
Wannabee
  • Wedding: September 2012

Got married 3 days ago.  Out of 88 total guests, 24 did not show.  One in particular annoys me.  A guy who was rude enough to actually ask if he could come to our wedding a week after our RSVP cutoff date.  We initially had not decided to invite him, but since he was one of those we had initially considered, and because he seemed earnest, we invited him.  He did not show, but flew ou to Florida (from the west coast) instead.  I would think he would know about a trip ahead of time.  So, I’m out $600+. Peaople are so RUDE. But the wedding could not have been better.  Had no seating assignments, so no one had to sit alone.  And if they had been there, I think the venue woud have been too croweded.  So maybe I got lucky.  I don’t think I’ll get any explanations. 

Post # 87
Member
3981 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

We had quite a few that did that and I really don’t get why. One of them had to be up all night at work the night before and again the next morning and wouldn’t have been rested enough. Fine, I can kinda get that. The others? Never explained why. I never asked. It still REALLY bugs me though. Even a year later.

Post # 88
Member
8882 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

We had 2.  The Fiance of a Bridesmaid or Best Man, she claims he had to work (which was BS) and didn’t cover his plate. The other person was really sick, which we understood.

Post # 89
Member
103 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

Funny story… When a friend of the family’s daughter got married, they got a whole bunch of calls from family THE DAY OF THE WEDDING saying ” Oh… We can’t make it…” and her dad ( the FOB) finally snapped, called them all and said “You told us you were coming, you will be there, don’t come for the ceremony if you don’t want to, but at 6 pm when dinner starts I expect to see your butt in a chair OR you can pay us what your meal would cost (A lot)”

xD needless to say, her whole family was at the reception.

Post # 90
Member
56 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

So annoying! We had one couple that did this, and they let me know via facebook the day before the wedding that they weren’t coming. Apparently they were both really sick with the flu. Fair enough, but it was just annoying because I had to do some last minute switches with the table settings (which is really the last thing you want to be doing the day before your wedding) and also one of them was vegetarian, which we had to organise a special meal for, and then they didn’t even end up coming! Bah. And also, they didn’t even send a card, let alone a gift, and their places at the table cost over $100 each…

Post # 91
Member
119 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

OR what about people that RSVP NO and show up anyway at the last minute, or call 2 days before and say now they can come. soooo frusterating. it’s like i was already mad that you said no, so now I don’t want you to come anymore!

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