Post # 1
This is what my good/best friend at work said to me yesterday.
Background: She and I work at a Emergency Department as RNs. As RNs we work very closely with doctors compared to like the wards or other hospital settings.
STORY: She was asking me advice on something medical. I told her to ask “Tom” who is the Senior Consultant who is also one of my very good friends. (He has even met my FI!)
She goes “I dont think he likes me very much” I asked her why she would think that.
“He doesnt say my name when hes getting my attention, the way he talks to me is different to other people…. maybe its because im not attrative”
I asked her why she thought that was a factor ?!
“People treat you differently when you look like you” . I was gobsmacked. “When youre pretty, people treat you better. not just at work, but everywhere. Things come easier for you because of the way you look”
We have known each toher for years, and this is the first time this has ever come up. By no means do I think Im hot, but i have a really bright and bubbly personality, im short so i talk loud sometimes to get peoples attention when I need to lol. but didnt think she felt this way…
We had a pretty heated discussion about this since I felt inadvertantly that I didnt work my a$$ off to get to where I am today. Plus, yes, Ive been hit on by doctors because unfortunately, i cant wear my engagement ring at work. Once they know, they are fine. That was another thing she mentioned.
im going back to work today. I feel weird that she feels like that towards me…almost bitter for the way i look… )=
any advice would be awesome. but thanks for listening to me vent. xx
Post # 3
@princessggg: I have noticed when I dress “nice” I do get treated different, so yes, unfortunately, I think attractiveness is a factor.
With regards to your friend: I think she may just be feeling low herself. I would not focus on how it affected you so much as how she may be feeling. Maybe something is going on with her and she has not opened up? I would try to talk to her in that regards to see if maybe something else is wrong
Post # 4
Well, unfortunately for all parties involved, it is a fact of life. The easier on the eyes you are, the more people are apt to give you things/be nice to you/ notice you/ whatever.
It doesn’t mean your credentials are any less important and it doesn’t mean she is wrong… it just, is what it is.
Post # 5
It’s a reality. People are attractive are treated better. It sucks when you hear a friend talk about the differances, but its not like she’s lying. I defintely get treated “nicer” when I look “better” vs. being a slouch. Thats not say I don’t have kick ass personality, I do, but looks do play into it as well.
Post # 6
I agree with the PP. It’s a sad reality but unfortunately we all tend to judge books by the covers.. attractive people are given attention and tend to find sucess easier than less attractive counterparts. I hate the saying, but “it is what it is.” That being said, I work in the healthcare industry as a PA-C, I do not think that your looks should impact whether or not you are able to get questions answered by superiors or attendings and if that is truly happening it is very unprofessional.
I bet your friend is just feeling insecure and is possibly opening up to you for support. I would not be offended by her comments, in fact, I’m sure she meant it as more of a compliment. Instead of being nervous about seeing her at work, maybe give her a little “cheer me up” greeting card with a nice message that you are there for her, invite her to coffee or something and lend her an ear.
My husband always says that a smile and positive attitude can transform a person and vice versa. We can only do so much about the way we look however we can do a lot to transform our body image and attitude!
Post # 7
Sorry, but she’s right. It’s been shown very consistently in social science research. However, it was rude and awkward that she said that. But don’t let it get to you. She was probably having a bad day. And being attractive doesn’t mean that you’re not excellent at your job!
Post # 8
@princessggg: I lost 80lbs. People do treat you differently. Pre-weight loss..I had to like hold my own doors..people never spoke to me..they were curt..I wasn’t included in things. Post-weight loss..I have to wrestle the door out of people’s hands to open it for my damn self. It disgusts me..but it’s a fact. When you’re pretty you get paid more, more opportunities, people just genuinely like you more. Even infants prefer attractive faces!
Post # 9
I agree with everyone else. I loosely studied (on my own free time and for shiggles) gender roles and gender studies. I was really into reading it for a while, based on an art project at school. There have been various pysch experiments done on this topic too… and it’s unfortunately human nature. I find myself doing it as well. (Though it is something I work on) I always loved Rod Serling and the Twilight Zone. “The Eye of the Beholder” is one episode that I always thought hard about. I wondered what it would be like in a world where everyone’s “normal” and “attractive” was vastly different than our own. …. People are always judged by the way they look, and as a society we normally set the “good” and “bad” standards for this.
Post # 10
Sadly, your friend is right. Don’t bite her head off for commenting on something she notices to be true. :/
(Not to say you didn’t work your butt off for what you have, because I’m sure she didn’t mean that you didn’t work for it.)
Post # 11
Of course attractive people get treated better, sadly it’s a fact of life. Not to say that you haven’t worked incredibly hard to get to where you are today, but it’s slightly naive to assume looks don’t play any part in how people treat others.
Post # 12
Honestly, I think she just stated a very general truth. And she wasn’t trying to act bitter or unkind. Life is generally harder for ugly/unattractive people. It’s not to say that attractive people don’t work hard or don’t face issues of their own. They are just generally better received and treated in society.
I used the word “general” generously to emphasis the fact that there are exceptions.
Post # 13
I notice a difference when i get ‘made up’ on public transport, man actually allow me on first. Walking down the street i get smiles. Weird. But true.
I don’t think your friend was suggesting that you didn’t work any harder to get where you are, but she’s obviosuly noticed the difference between the treatment you both get at work. Open conversation may be required here…
Post # 14
Yup that’s just how it is. It’s biological and not some learned social behavior (though it’s definitely reinforced as we grow up). I can’t remember the exact age, but it’s been shown that babies as young as maybe 6 months (?) prefer attractive and symmetrical faces over less attractive faces. Throw in our culture’s obsession with weight and you’ve got yourself some obvious preferential treatment of attractive people. I’ve always appreciated my appearance because this is a fact of life. But don’t let it get to your head like the lady who is simply “too pretty to work.” Lol 😉
Post # 15
Pretty people get better treatment. That’s how humans are. Think back to the “weird kids” that used to get picked on in your school days — chances are they weren’t particularly attractive.
Now think back to your popular high school cheerleaders. They were hotties, right?
Generally, you never grow out of high school since that’s where your social perceptions begin. Pretty people can walk down easy street.
Post # 16
Oh boo hoo. It must be so hard for you, being so pretty and all.