(Closed) "People treat you different when you look like you"

posted 8 years ago in Emotional
Post # 62
Member
916 posts
Busy bee

I’d just like to add that being treated differently doesn’t necessarily mean in a good way. I was told by my teacher (really the only person in the dept, besides his two teachers aides) while studying for my advanced diploma that I was “one of those girls that was going to skate through life based on her looks, with daddy and mummy footing the bill the entire time.” He went on to say that I would be a waste of space in the industry (film and tv) because I didn’t aspire to be a director.

 

Needless to say I went absolutely apeshit at him. Who was he to judge me?! He had no idea what I had gone through, and the fact that I was raised by my father, alone, because my mother and her bf had been abusing me for years (mum for years, bf for about a year – nothing sexual, but every other form of abuse), dad finally got enough leverage to get full custody of me when I was 10. That I watched my dad since the age of 10 struggle financially to raise 2 kids (my older brother and I) and also try to help support our eldest brother who lived with his Aunty elsewhere because dad was not his biological father. That I was working to pay off a loan to pay for the course because I wouldn’t put that burden on my father. I ended up crying while screaming at him and had to be taken outside by one of his teachers aides (who I later dated for 4yrs..HA!), while that teacher was left red faced with a classroom full of students loathing him because of the way he had spoken to me. 

 

Like I said being treated “differently” doesn’t always mean better. Although, Obviously in this case that’s what your work mate meant.

 

Post # 63
Member
3418 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2014 - Manhattan Church Rec Center

It’s one of those unspokes ugly things about our society,

Post # 64
Hostess
8573 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2014

I believe this to be true. I’m definantly treated better by customers at my work, I’m 20 years younger than the other two lades who work with me, and customers will go out of their way to compliment, ask about my day, or help me in anyway they can.

Being attractive definantly makes things a tad bit easier, but it’s not everything. She needs to be comfortable in her own skin and learn how to deal with things on her own terms.

Post # 65
Member
9680 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

@princessggg: Like the PPs said, it is true. There was even a study done (and I would have to track it down, which I’m not going to do) where they determined that teachers favour attractive students. It happens at work, in life, and apparently, at school. I don’t think it’s anything to be upset about. She sounds insecure and maybe she was giving you a backwards compliment.   

Post # 66
Member
353 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

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@princessggg:  I think everyone who had positive/honest comments on here covered everything, but I just wanted to say that I understand why you posted this and where you’re coming from. I’ve had similar comments made to me and I found it hurtful.

Just remember you got where you are in your career due to your hard work and applying yourself. If I were in her shoes I wouldn’t have said that, however if I were you I’d try to realize that she was probably feeling pretty down about herself so I’d try to help her in that department instead of my own feelings. 

Please ignore the mean spirited comments of others.

Post # 67
Member
3723 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

@princessggg:  Sadly, this is absolutely true. When I gained weight, I perceived a negative difference. When I lost weight, I perceived a positive difference. Perhaps some of it had to do with my own self-views (when I was heavier, I wasn’t as happy with mylife/myself as when I weigh less) but I do feel that the more “normal” you are, the better the chances of having an easier go of it.

It just is what it is. 🙂

Post # 68
Member
7365 posts
Busy Beekeeper

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@MadameX:  When I was 19/20 I lost my baby weight, had great skin, was having a great hair year, etc… I couldn’t go out without getting hit on. And I don’t mean just told “you’re pretty”, I mean being honked at while I waited for the bus, having guys say lewd things to me as I walked down the street minding my own business, having guys think it was ok to grab my wrist to stop me in malls, etc… It was terrifying.

I can go out and run errands and mind my own business and am generally not bothered. I don’t have to worry about being approached multiple times as I go about my day to day business. Sure, guys will still say rude things if I’m dressed up cute and alone and there’s nobody cuter within earshot, but it’s not an everyday occurence anymore. Most people just ignore me now. I’m ok with that!

 

OMG! I totally relate to that. When I was in my early 20’s I defintely got in multiple times a day. It was exhausting. And I’m no great beauty queen, but I think being younger, fresh faced your oozing sexuality even when you don’t realize it, its alot of handle at younger age. Now that i’m in my 40s (I’ve put on weight) I maybe get hit once or twice a week, but if I put myself together, a little more. As I was getting in my early 30’s is when I noticed the shift. And your right, I total like being able to go about my business without being bothered. It’s awesome!

I’ve forewarned my younger girlfriends about this happening. They seemed to want to believe it stays the same.. Umm no it doesn’t. LOL 

Post # 69
Member
482 posts
Helper bee

Truth. I think it’s kindof naive to think everyone is treated equally. I’ve always been able to coast through because of my looks, v.i.p treatment all the way. sad truth is attractive ppl have it easy.

. But you could be the most attractive on the outside, and the ugliest person on the inside. Even then some people will still tolerate you because you’re easy on the eyes.

There’s preferences with social status, racial status, why wouldn’t there be one with appearances? I even notice within my ethnicity (African American) That I am seen as more attractive in the black community because I have light skin.  Dark skin isn’t as appealing.

Looks will fade, so ride that wave while youre still able.

Post # 70
Member
1397 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

@princessggg:  Life is easier when you’re good-looking. It’s not fair, and it sucks for people who AREN’T good-looking by traditional/majority standards, but it’s a fact. :-

Post # 71
Member
8035 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2013

@princessggg:  I get how you feel.. I had a coworker comment on my looks once, sort of like your coworker did… and it made me feel weird. I worked to get where I am. Obviously looks are important, no matter what anyone says… but it isn’t fun to be accused of getting it sooo easy because you’re attractive. I have put on some weight over the past few years, but I still get hit on/flirted with etc.

The way I handle it is just to be grateful for what I have. You can’t control if you’re born pretty or not. Just work with what you have, and be grateful if you did luck out in some departments 🙂

Post # 72
Member
1880 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

What all the PPs said is absolutely true.  Society values beauty/image.  I noticed the difference when I lost 60 pounds.  When I was heavier I still got hit on but not as frequently and not by the kind of men I was attracted to/interested in.  I noticed at work that my “bitchy” attitude was frowned upon when I was heavier.  I got the shittier assignments better suited for interns.  I never got invited to afterwork events.  Once I lost the weight suddenly I wasn’t seen as “bitcy” but “decisive and authoritative”.  I was invited to a lot afterwork events, even from executives at the company.  I was told to stop doing certain “administrative things” because I was “too smart” for that kind of work.  Oh and I get hit on left and right.  This development has actually been quite depressing but “it is what it is”.  At least now I realize what people are really about and I can take their “praise” with a grain of salt.

Post # 73
Member
11231 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2013

Like everyone has said, this is true. 

However. Being “attractive” is subjective, and can change over time. Someone who is smiling and friendly is much more attractive than that same person frowning/scowling and being rude. Your personality can make you more attractive to others, as well. I’ve noticed this with exes and former friends–you get to know them and think they’re attractive, and then when you realize what shitbags they really are, suddenly they’re Sloth from the Goonies.

I consciously try to make sure that I treat people equally, influenced heavily by working retail. I hold doors for everyone, I smile, I say “please” and “thank you,” and I generally try to be patient and pleasant when dealing with people I don’t know. 

Post # 74
Member
1474 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2014

This is unfortunately so sad but true.

@lia22 “I believe it’s a combination.  Don’t be upset about it, because your credentials and your personality DO matter.  You could be the most handsome/beautiful person on earth, but when you open your mouth if it’s not intelligent or kind, no one really finds you attractive anymore anyhow.”

^


This exactly!

Post # 75
Member
855 posts
Busy bee

I absolutely get treated differently depending on how much effort I put in on any given day.

I had dreadlocks and terrible skin. So if I go out with no make-up and jeans and a t-shirt, I get treated like a dirty hippy.

When I wear make-up and tie my hair up in a nice design, put on some nice clothes, I automatically get treated with respect and people are MUCH nicer to me.

I don’t think it’s anything to be upset about. It’s just a fact. It may not be a nice fact, but it is a fact nonetheless.

Post # 76
Member
2571 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

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@Miss Jackrabbit:  +1

I agree. I feel that we may not be able to mold ourselves to be conventionally beautiful, but we can definitely help polish our appearance. I have a friend on the heavier side and when she dresses up for work, does her make-up, wears expensive jewelry, etc., she gets treated well. However, when she um, dresses hippie-like for lack of better term, it’s a totally different story.

I know it sounds superficial, but that’s why I always wear make-up and make sure to have new/polished looking clothes, shoes, and handbags especially in my career – the impression you give off lookswise is paramount.

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