Post # 1
Is it wrong of me to not pick any bridesmaids yet?
I feel like I want to take my time to pick my bridesmaids. One of my friends called and said its not really fair not to choose because no one knows where they stand. This is the very reason I don’t want to pick yet. To be honest, I want people that I know will go the long haul and not cause drama. I have one person that I have asked (the one who gave me the info about the other girls), but I know the personality limitations of my other friends/associates.
I have heard so many horror stories about lazy, broke, unresponsive, mean, etc. bridesmaids and I am trying to hold off picking until I see who will actually work out. I have already been approached about being in the wedding by two people I wouldn’t want in the wedding due to seeing how they behaved in another friend’s wedding. We are friends in a close circle and do many things together, but can’t imagine having some of them as attendents. I have been told I shouldn’t judge too soon, I think I should.
Am I being unfair by not choosing yet?
Post # 3
Oh good Lord, no! You’re almost two years away, it’s way too early to set everything in stone. Tell them you love them and value their friendship, but you want to wait until [pick a closer date] to really start finalizing details like the bridal party. I would guess they’re just excited right now and eventually they’ll calm down.
Post # 4
That is so reasonable to wait! You’re 1+ years out, and a LOT can happen in a year, trust me. I had some things happen that would have changed who I picked, because I picked them too early. You can wait until 6 mos. out, or like 8-9 months (if you’re nice to let them know to save up for a dress)
Just tell them that you’re not really getting any wedding stuff done yet and you’re going to wait. Or that there’s a lot of other things that have to be decided before you can honestly pick bridesmaids. There’s nothing wrong with that. Or just tell them the complete truth. No one can get mad, because all you’re doing is being honest.
Post # 5
I agree with the PP, picking bridesmaids at the beginning of my 21 month engagement was one of the biggest regrets I had! So much changes in that time. We had a huge bridal party, and it took quite a toll on our budget what with bouquets and gifts. Those are things I didn’t really take seriously at the beginning of our engagement, I was so excited to involve everyone else, but it’s definitely better to wait – especially until after you’ve set a budget.
Post # 6
I picked my maid of honor just 3 months before the wedding and my other brides maid the month before. I had originally picked 2 people about 4-5 months before but they both lived out of town and instead of finding out their size for me too look at dresses for them went out to parties. I gave them a deadline to find out their size and they passed it so I told them I had to find people to take their place. This is the sort of thing that happens if you just choose the first people that come to mind. Take your time with it. If you have doubts about someone don’t choose them. It’s your wedding and your choice. Wait and see who is supportive and helps you make important decisions without causing drama while doing it. That’s how I found my Maid/Matron of Honor.
Post # 7
I have a Maid/Matron of Honor set in stone and that’s about it. I’ve brought up how I wanted certain girls to be my BMs, but I have no idea if they’ll be in my life by then. I never really had close girl friends so I may just end up with a Maid/Matron of Honor. You have plenty of time though. Don’t let anyone push you around in choosing right away.
Post # 8
I didnt tell my BMs until I was about 9 months out. But I didnt tell them I was engaged either. I think people expect that once you announce your engagement you should also announce who is in the bridal party too
Post # 9
Honeslty depending on if you expect them to pay for their stuff or not I’d give them all at least six months notice which is a far amount of time to save for it. Because being a bridesmaid isn’t cheap you have to do the dress, shoes etc gifts bach. parties etc. I would be kinda of offended to be asked a month or two before.
The more bridesmaids you have the more drama you’ll have unless they are all really good friends.And someone will probably do something you do like and you can’t control it!
I know for me having control of my wedding was important to me, but OMG if I could have done things differen’t I would not have worried so darn much. I was a stress wreck!
If your really worried about it you could have none or just a MOH!
Post # 10
My engagement was over two years long, and I chose my bridesmaids about nine months into the engagement. I actually wish I would have waited a bit longer.
Post # 11
No you are not being unfair. Personally I’d choose the bridesmaids a year to nine months from the wedding date. There is nothing for a bridesmaid to do at this point in time. Like some other bees said, a lot can happen between now and then. And who wants drama for two years?
Post # 12
Oh sweetie, this is just going to get worse as you plan. Just remember, it is YOUR wedding day. That day is not about anyone else except you and your fiance. Anyone who is concerned about where they “stand” is being selfish.
Post # 13
Certainly not! And, quite frankly, I’d nix those from the potential list that are giving you grief over it. Your BM’s should be the most supportive friends – not the ones that want to be in the spotlight or get upset over things like not being asked soon enough.
Hang in there!
Post # 14
@jo.lee: I thought it would calm down too, being March. But things have actually escalated to a degree. It appears to be the topic of secret conversations, so therefore I got the phone call. I had the feeling something was going on regarding me not picking.
Post # 15
“That is so reasonable to wait! You’re 1+ years out, and a LOT can happen in a year, trust me. I had some things happen that would have changed who I picked, because I picked them too early.”
This! I have seen friendships fall apart over the course of a wedding.
Post # 16
I picked my bridesmaids a year and a half before my wedding and that was such a mistake. Two of my bridesmaids and I pretty much stopped being friends for a while and they dropped out and it was just soo much drama. I definitely should’ve waited until closer to the wedding so I think you are doing the right thing.
It sucks that they are upset and not being supportive, but if they are really good friends they will understand and still be happy for you.