(Closed) People we hardly know are starting to ask WHEN?

posted 8 years ago in Waiting
Post # 3
Member
442 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

@keegan: So what if your family keeps asking about a proposal. I have family members asking me all the time about a proposal, but I ignore them, it’s not about them it’s about US. I hope you see that as well. It is hard when friends and family apply pressure to your relationship, but ignore it.

Stop nagging him; it’s not going to make him propose any faster. He told you that he wants to be with you, but he wants to complete X, Y, and Z first. If you can “Wait” talk to him about how you can help him complete X, Y, and Z. I don’t know why he told you, you would get a dog and a ring for Christmas? If it was just so you could be quiet that was wrong, in my opinion.

While I’m not engaged, I’m no longer waiting for a proposal. If it happens than it’s meant to be. I hope my advice can help you reach that place as well. Good Luck.

Post # 4
Member
540 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

I know exactly how you feel when people ask that.  A male co-worker once asked how long my now fiance and I had been together.  When I told him six years, he said, “Are you sure he wants to marry you?”  I was so shocked and hurt that he said that (guys are such idiots sometimes)!  I had to explain that we’d met while we were young and in school, but know where we’re heading.  I had to endure another year of crap like that from friends, family, and even strangers, which resulted in slight depression, resentment, and some sleepless nights.  I don’t think people realize the effects when they say things like that.

My best advice to you is to have a [calm, dramaless] talk with him to let him know how you’re feeling, set a comfortable expiration date in your head (I believe mine was more than reasonable… another 1.5 years), then drop the issue and don’t bring it up again.  It was really hard not to be an emotional wreck during the talk btw, but I managed.  And like you, the SO at the time explained that he also wanted to accomplish X, Y, and Z.

The talk ultimately worked for me.  My fiance realized that getting engaged didn’t mean he’d have to drop all his plans to marry me the next day, and ended up proposing two weeks later.  We came to a compromise where we’d do a longer engagement so that he could finish up grad school first.

So good luck with everything, chin up, and keep us posted:)

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