Post # 1
This girl.. we used to be a lot closer. We’re still good friends. But a long time ago she asked to be a bridesmaid, and at that time engagement was in the l-o-o-ong distant future so I didn’t know how to say something noncommittal. I just said “Yeah! That would be fun!” She occasionally brings it up still like “I’m going to be a bridesmaid, riiight?!” It stresses me out.
Thankfully, I won’t need to start hardcore planning for a year even though I’m engaged now. However.. I don’t really want her to be in the bridal party. I’m just not as close to her as before, and I feel like she’ll stress me out more than help me through the process. But I also don’t want to hurt her feelings. It’s making me almost just want to nix the bridal party altogether!!
Anyway.. like I said, I won’t be really choosing the bridal party for another year, but it makes me feel guilty regardless!
Anybody else have/had issues with this? And how did you deal with it?
Post # 3
Don’t ask her until you are sure. I was in a similar situation, and she basically guilted me into asking her officially. Now I wish I could take it back, as I did not like the way that she acted, as well as the fact that upon me graduating college in May (we were college friends), we have grown apart. Wait a while , and don’t mention it in her presence would be my advice.
Post # 4
WAIT and let her know you dont plan on even thinking about that for a long while and hopefully that will cool her jets.
Post # 5
Don’t ask *anyone* to be in your bridal party until no more than 1 year before your wedding! That gives you TWO years from now! So much can happen between now and then. And then every time she asks, just tell her you’re not asking anyone to be a bridesmaid until much closer to the wedding. (Lots of people have made the mistake of asking someone too early only to find out that they aren’t very close friends with that person closer to the wedding.)
Post # 6
@Mrs. Puffin: I didnt have to deal with that but I would say if you dont want her in your wedding, just tell her.
Post # 7
next time she brings it up, just say you aren’t going to be picking bridesmaids for a while yet. hopefully she’ll get the hint and back off, and if she doesn’t, you can worry about it when the time comes.
i understand the extreme anxiety, though. i stressed out about potential hurt feelings re: bridal party selections long before i was engaged.
Post # 8
You could try saying that you’re trying to keep the bridal party small and unfortunately you will have to exclude her. This might be less embarassing for her than just saying “no” after leading her on for a year.
Post # 9
Well it happen with lots of people…..you have more then enough time to decide for your bridesmaids……next time when she ask to be your bridesmaid tell her gently that its too early to say anything right now…….try to be polite with your words…otherwise you can loose her friendship……
Choose your bridesmaid with whom you are really very close…….so wait till 1 year before your wedding……
Post # 10
I will give you advice that I wish someone had given me before i “chose” my bridal party, pick ONLY the people you really want and pick only the people you are sure will actually be there for you when you need them to be. Do not let her ‘force’ you into anything, I promise, you will regret it and it will put extra stress on you! 🙂 Good luck
Post # 11
This falls under the “one of many uncomfortable questions you’ll be asked while planning a wedding” catergory. 🙁 It’s hard to deal with this kind of situation, but speaking from experience, it’s TOTALLY ok to make the decision YOU want. Your wedding is your choice.
I said something like, “You know, I’m having a very small bridal party, but very much looking forward to celebrating with you at the wedding!”. Good luck!
Post # 12
I agree with the others… wait and choose your bridal party carefully. They’ll be more important than you think.
My bridal party is 3/4 family and it’s been a disaster. Choosing my sisters seemed like a no-brainer, but I’m dealing with sibling rivalry, jealousy and other family issues that are making my life/wedding planning hellacious. They’ve been total monsters. Who you choose and how they act can really affect your whole experience. For me, it would have been worth hurting their feelings to choose good friends who actually care!