Post # 1
I suppose this is normal.. I have heard that on the day even fewer people will probably show up. I wish the wedding industry would like make a Public Service Announcement informing the general public how much it costs the couple per person to have them attend. Maybe then people wouldn’t feel entitled to be so flippant about it. I’m also from LA, where fact is that people are more flakey than most about everything.
We’ve had about 15 people (some couples, some solo) retract their RSVP AFTER the deadline. One we know was because of surgery, but the others included quite a few who said they suddenly realized that they couldn’t afford to go. I’m pretty good with money management, so this is hard for me to wrap my head around, that they got save the dates 10 months ago, invitations 5 months ago (because it is destination for many of our guests we sent it early), and they RSVPed yes… and allll this time they didn’t consider whether they could actually afford to go?! They probably think it’s nicer to tell me yes and then bow out, but it’s really a logistical cluster… I now need to downsize my tables layout, redo my seating chart, downsize rental and floral orders… rant rant etc.
Post # 3
@waitingwonderland: It’s definitely frustrating, but it’s not the job of the wedding industry to teach people manners. Hopefully, we will do a better job teaching our children than some of these people’s parents.
Post # 4
I’m amazed at how little some people think about it. I was talking to my mother about my own wedding, and her thought was “if it rains, people might just not show up.” Granted, the only local people are her guests, so I was asked if she really thought that her friends would no-show. She said that “A lot of people don’t go to PTA meetings if it rains, so that’s just my experience.”
Now I’m praying that my mother is the only person who thinks that attending a wedding and attending a PTA meeting are the same level of obligation.
Oh well, nothing you can do as the host! Just hoping for the best.
Post # 5
Had this happen to us, but on the flip side, had family who were able to come last minute and we were excited about it all working out. I got to the point where I was like “It’s all paid for, it will work out”. At first it bothered me something fierce. Then it just didn’t.
What I did learn? Is what I WILL NOT be doing to ANY future bride.. no late RSVP or worse, no RSVP at all. I will acknowledge them with a card at the very least, and be a gracious and accommodating guest.
Post # 6
Yeah, we just found out (literally, JUST found out about 5 minutes ago) that at least 4, if not 5, of my fiancé’s already tiny contingent (coming from Mexico for our Canadian wedding) have cancelled their trip. Worst part is that they haven’t EVER spoken directly to us during this process: RSVP was through his mom, meal choice was through is mom, and now cancellation is through his sister (and only because I emailed to check when I need to pick them up at the airport). It’s as though they don’t care/understand/realize how important this event is to him (and me) and how disappointing it is to him that they’re cancelling with no explanation, no apology, no anything.
You have my sympathies.
Post # 7
- Wedding: May 2013 - Pavilion overlooking golf course scenery, reception at banquet hall
I had about 5 people change their RSVP to “no” after the deadline, but I had 15+ who RSVPed “yes” that simply no-showed. Including the girl who rudely asked if she could have a +1 (she’s not in a relationship, at least as far as I know, nor does her Facebook reflect it), I caved and told her yes she could bring him, so she RSVPed “yes” for both of them, and then BOTH no-showed without a word said! Still haven’t heard a peep from her, and it was almost 2 months ago. In fact that ENTIRE group of friends (my high school friends) RSVPed “yes” but ALL no-showed. Only one notified me of a change of RSVP (after deadline, but his mother was having surgery that day, so I understood)
So. Rude. And honestly, hurt my feelings. :-/ At least INFORM me!
Post # 8
@aggie2010: Story of my wedding! We had nearly 20 people back out the week before, and at least 10 no-show the day of. A lot of those people are newlyweds or in the wedding planning stages, so they should know better.
I don’t think a lot of people realize that food is paid for well ahead of time, and that it is not just food–extra desserts, favors, centerpieces, linens, seating chart, etc.
But like a PP mentioned, I learned exactly what to do and what not to do when invited to a wedding. I already knew common sense basics, but I know how to act and how to raise my children to act in regards to weddings.
Post # 9
+1!! @somerrae: “but I know how to act and how to raise my children to act in regards to weddings.”