(Closed) People who get engaged AFTER you but get married BEFORE you….

posted 10 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
13561 posts
Honey Beekeeper

Oh my gosh, girl. I could have written this post. Our engagement is 28 months long total. And I’ve loved it. But so many of my friends have gotten engaged and married within the timeframe of my engagement, and sometimes I feel like it will never be my turn.

And when I start feeling that way, I pinch myself and remember that my turn is coming on July 16, 2011. And that I love my friends, and I am happy for them. And I also remind myself that all of the friends whose weddings I attended will be in attendance at mine, being happy for me just as I was for them.

Trust me, I KNOW it’s hard. But once you’re married, it’s not going to matter to you whose wedding was first. (That’s what I’m telling myself!)

Post # 4
3670 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: March 2011

This has happened to me at least four times and it gets on my nerves every time.  I have one friend who got engaged and married within 2 weeks and now will have her first child before my wedding (our engagement is 22 months long).  It gets on my nerves but I also realize it was best for us and that we’ll be fine.  I also know about ten people that got together three years or more after I started dating my fiance and got engaged and married within at least a year.  I know it’s irrational to be mad about it and I know we’re doing what’s right for us.  But sometimes the green eyed monster just gets to me.  I guess I stay sane by venting right here (it felt good Smile).

Post # 5
1801 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

My husband and I got engaged 3 weeks after his best man, but we ended up with a wedding date 3 weeks before theirs.  It was a little strange, but it’s not about who gets married first, it’s about what timing is right for you.  I’m still in grad school, but getting married hasn’t gotten in the way of it, so if you’re serious about wanting to move your date up, maybe you should consider it.  I wish we had done a 7 month engagement rather than 12 months, but in the end the timing should fit what’s perfect for you. 

Post # 6
1297 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

I think its only natural to feel this way.  I used to have issues with people who were together less time than me and my fi and got engaged before we did! Well, after 8 years of dating I guess I should’ve expected it haha

Post # 8
401 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

I am going through this and I understand how you feel. Out of all our friends we had the longest relationship and got engaged before but yet our wedding is way after..It makes me sad at times and a few times I didnt even want to attend their wedding out of shame.  I know I should be happy for them but it hurts that they were able to have marriage before us.,..This is the honest truth.

Post # 9
1001 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2010

Oops?  I got engaged 6 months after one of my friends, and my wedding was three months before hers.  Really though, when you have a long engagement, is it fair to expect everyone else to do the same?

Post # 10
439 posts
Helper bee

Fi and I were together 4.5 years before getting engaged, and now we’re adding a 2 year engagement on top of it (we will be getting married 10 days before our 6.5 year dating anniversary).

We are the last of our friends to get married, and they all are wondering why we’re waiting so long, but it works for us.  I have to take the bar exam next summer, and I just can’t fathom planning a wedding while that’s going on.  Plus, we have no money to have a wedding in the next year.

I’m just glad it’s finally my turn to be the engaged girl, and I’m loving every second of it.  Believe me, we had a lot of fights while I was waiting to be the engaged girl.  All of my close friends are married, my sister is married, my other sister will never get married, so I have no worries for the next two years (which is not at all what you are feeling).  When you have a long engagement, you just kind of have to roll with the punches.  It will be your turn soon enough.  You have enough time to add extra special touches to your wedding.  You have plenty of time to DIY stuff that will cost you next to nothing.

Post # 11
1518 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

Oh my goodness! I can’t even count how many people got engaged after us and married before us! lol we had 1.5 year engagement though so i understand it a bit! Still kinda annoying 😉

Post # 12
157 posts
Blushing bee

Yeah, we were in the same situation.  The upside, however, is that by the time our wedding came around, we knew exactly what we did or didn’t want.  It’s a bit different going to weddings when you aren’t engaged… since you aren’t planning you don’t pay attention to the details.  We went to SOOOO many weddings while we were engaged for people who got engaged after us.  Let’s see… hot beach-side wedding… no.  Bridesmaids in Pepto-pink dresses… no.  One of the best weddings we went to was literally a shotgun weddng in a field in the middle of nowhere down a gravel road but had the BEST beer… so great beer was a must.  Bunches of kids running around… no.  Back up plan for rain… yes.  Miserable groomsmen in tux(es?)… no.  

Seriously, take this in stride, be patient, and consider your calendar of weddings a learning experience!  After each one, discuss what you and your Fiance liked about each one… it’s a great way to get the guys to talk about details.   : )  

Post # 13
9024 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

i quite like when such couples get married b4 me especially if they have a competitive spirit because then i get to learn from all the things they got wrong and make mine stand out even more.. 

Post # 14
3066 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

This pisses me off too!

Post # 15
3600 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: January 1992

View original reply
@bells: This made me chuckle.

I think the reason that we Ladies-of-Long-Engagements feel slight resentment is because we learned “taking turns” too well in kindergarten!!!

Post # 15
1 posts
  • Wedding: May 2016

I am having a very similar issue but on the other side of things – my fiancee and I got engaged at the start of January and are getting married in May next year – a 17 month engagement which is pretty long!  My brother got engaged last July and isn’t getting married until September next year.  He has basically fallen out with the entire family over this, saying what I have done to him is unforgiveable and things will never be the same again between us because I booked my wedding before his.  I have explained that we want to get married in summer as we want an outdoor wedding and we don’t want to wait a whole other year as we are having a very cheap DIY wedding (his is 2.5 times the cost of ours).  I just want to ask if anyone else thinks I am being completely irrational by not agreeing to change my wedding date to after his?? I am sure he is being insane but this has literally divided my whole family and is really upsetting me.  The worst thing is we asked him to be an usher before he told us how angry he is and now I worry he won’t even come to the wedding. (yes this definitely sounds insane, I just read it back)

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