(Closed) People Who Talk About You Behind Your Back

posted 4 years ago in Relationships
Post # 2
Member
4258 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: February 2009

Just ignore them.  Playing inot this will only prove their point.  Brush it off, do your job, and ignore them unless you need to work with them on something.

Post # 3
Member
9527 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

Sounds more like jealousy than a true friend

Post # 4
Member
475 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2018

Yep, like jcent said, ignore them. They are obviously bored and have nothing better to do than talk about you and then try to knock you down a few pegs to their level. Put in your time then move up and beyond them. Most importantly, do not give them 1 thought outside of work. What they think of you is none of your business ;). Don’t let them cloud your downtime.  Congrats on your advancement!!

Post # 5
Member
1259 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

redroses76:  Wow, how terribly unpleasant. 

Some people simply can’t handle their feelings and feel the need to bring others down to their level in order to get some sort of confidence boost. That certainly sounds like what might be happening here, and they’re lying to themselves and each other by pretending it’s out of concern for you. 

The one who spoke to you and outted their gossiping did you a favour.

Hope you have a great time in your new role!

Post # 6
Member
369 posts
Helper bee

redroses76:  Success is the best revenge. Ignore them. Hold your head high and believe in yourself. 

Post # 7
Member
2179 posts
Buzzing bee

who cares what they think about how you deal with stress or any of that bs? Just do your job now, distance yourself from them, and rock the socks off your new job.

Post # 8
Member
198 posts
Blushing bee

I don’t think real friends will say that to you. And anyway people who give that kind of advice usually is wrong or jealous. It is unfortunate that there are these types of people.

Post # 9
Member
230 posts
Helper bee

Passive-aggressive people can be tougher to deal with because they stir up our emotions in different ways. They take a slightly different social skillset to manage. You can keep second-guessing how much effort you should put into dealing with them in your mind and then in person.

Post # 10
Member
6635 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: June 2015

Devil’s advocate – the one who came to talk to you  might really think she was being helpful.  The fact that you say you feel sick to your stomach over this implies that you actually do need to work on how you handle stress.  While it would be nice not to have people talk about you and then come back and tell you all about it, she seems to be making a valid point and could honestly be concerned.

I wouldn’t say it’s a bad thing to let these girls go, but I also wouldn’t say it’s a bad thing to look into activities that do help you process and reduce stress now that someone’s told you about it.

My own story of people talking behind my back and being stupid enough to tell me all about it:  I used to work at a daycamp.  Another staff member came up to me one day and said “___ and I were talking and we just wanted to say that if you plucked your eyebrows and wore some makeup, you’d be the prettiest person at camp”  I laughed and took it as a compliment from people who aren’t good at being nice.  It’s all in interpretation!

Post # 11
Member
12226 posts
Sugar Beekeeper

redroses76:  I’d act all confused and ask why she or the other women would say or think that. And that you are aware of the new job responsibilites and are quite confident you will be able to handle them. Friendship and business can sometimes mix, but all too often professional rivalries and jealousy can make them problematic, especially when one person is promoted or recognized. 

Even with people who you think of as friends in the workplace, as a general rule it’s good to filter what you say to them about your personal life, your frustrations with the job etc. You just never know when something like that can be used against you. 

Some advisors go farther and say it’s not a good idea to mix business and friendship at all. 

Post # 12
Member
405 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2016

skunktastic:  ugh!! I had the SAME  comment made to me before. I look back and laugh because the commenter turned out to be a horrible, self-loathing  piece of trash. 

Post # 13
Member
111 posts
Blushing bee

redroses76:  Just come in terms with the fact that there ARE quite a few weird and annoying people in this world. Its just so much easier if you stop trying to understand those people. They’re weird and they do stupid things for no good reason. Trying to understand and settle things with those people will get you no where. The world is big and there are many idiots out there. Don’t waste your emotional energy on every idiot you encounter. You’re time’s way too valuable for that. 

Post # 15
Member
2989 posts
Sugar bee

Kill them with kindness – they hate that!

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