(Closed) People who think it will never happen–how do/did you handle them?

posted 7 years ago in Waiting
Post # 3
Member
600 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2006

I think you should talk to him.  Start it off with telling him how much faith you have, but it drives you crazy when your mom shares her concerns.  Maybe you can ask him what to tell her?  I did that with my SO when everyone was asking me when we’d get engaged.  I asked him what to tell these people who keep asking, and his answer really helped me.  It’s kind of a round about way of seeing what his deal really is AND letting him know of others’ concerns.

Post # 4
Member
3302 posts
Sugar bee

I would tell everyone else to back off and that you have faith your SO will propose when he is ready. Honestly, that would get on my nerves if it was unsolicited. That said, make sure you aren’t complaining to them about waiting- because if you are, then that is probably why they are saying such things.

Post # 5
Member
112 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: March 2011

I got this ALL the time because an ex (who wanted to marry him and he did not want to marry her) went around telling everyone who would listen that he would never marry.  I literally had people even tell my parents he would never marry. nice HUH?

I came to the realization that I loved him.  I did not want to be without him.  I would have rather been with him and unmarried than married to anyone else.  I told this to the naysayers.  I also told everyone how happy I was.

Well the big day fast approaches. It was hard to listen to, but I knew no matter what all I wanted was him.

Post # 8
Member
360 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

I didn’t get asked those kinds of questions very much, but when I did I would usually just respond with “How would I know? Maybe you should ask him” or “when we’re both ready”… no one ever did follow up with him – I’m not sure why but people seem to think its okay to harrass women about when they’ll get married, but men dont usually have that social pressure (if anything they’re pressured to stay single).

I know it’s sometimes hard to be firm and direct with a parent, but I think you may have to be if you actually want her to back off a little.

I would definitely talk to your SO about this…he may be able to help you handle your mom or maybe he’d be willing to get you a promise ring, but would like to save up before actually getting engaged? I’m sure you’ll feel better if you talk to him and ask him how he thinks you should respond to your mom!

Post # 9
Member
9824 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

@Shirinjoon: Don’t mention this. I thought you already said in another thread you weren’t going to talk about it anymore and trust he would propose when he said he would. I’m sorry people are making comments, but you have the ability to say “Thanks for your concern, but this is between us.” If you keep bringing up the concerns surrounding the proposal I fear this could be a self fulfilling prophecy.

Writing him a letter–pushing it?

Post # 11
Member
40 posts
Newbee

My mother started dropping not-so-nice marriage comments after I had been with my SO 2 years-I was just about to turn 20. Can you believe that? Eventually, I snapped. I started sobbing and said something along the lines of…”Goodness gracious, Mom-don’t you think I WANT him to propose? What do you want me to do? Beat him over the head until he proposes?” She never said a word after that. 

Now when it comes to nosey coworkers, acquaintances, etc…I just tell them I’m not getting married. Ever. Surprisingly, they all applaud my decision and tell me how smart I am. It makes me seem way cooler than I actually am. After that, the subject is never brought up, again. Score. 

Post # 12
Member
413 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

Sorry to hear you’re going through this, it’s tough. I went through something exactly like this a year ago: I was having a girls night with some friends, and my best friends mother was there. She claimed she was psychic (I believe in most psychic’s, but NOT this one). Anyhoo, she gave me a ‘reading’ that night and said: “Gwen, he’s not going to commit, and you really want to wear that dress but you never will! He does not want to marry you, I know this Gwen. He won’t commit!”

I was crushed. Her comment ruined my relationship with her, her daughter, and the rest of the girls there that night. But you know what? I shrugged it off because she had only met J two or three times in the past, and had no clue about our relationship and how great it is. My response to her was: “I don’t think so. J is an amazing person who wants all the same things as I do. And as a matter of fact, we’ve already chosen where we want to get married.”

It’s hard NOT to take things to heart. But as long as you know in your heart that things will work out, then you have nothing to worry about. I think some people say those things because they’re jealous, or they want you to be miserable like them.

Gwen.

Post # 13
Member
272 posts
Helper bee

My SO’s mother seems to have tired of bugging me endlessly about getting married, lately. She began asking when we were to wed after we had dated for 1 MONTH!  Now?  All she asks is, “hey, aren’t you guys trying for a baby, yet?”  I’m 26!!!!!! We have been together two years, I’m Catholic and we aren’t even engaged (though yes, living in sin and blissfully cohabitating). 

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