Post # 1
Okay, so we decided not to have kids at the wedding. I politely sent an email out to everyone we knew that had kids explaining our feelings. I even am arranging to have a babysitter there to watch the kids during the whole thing. Anyway, now two of my aunts and one of my fiance’s cousins say they wont come unless they can bring their kids. I am so upset and I don’t know what to do. I want to just give in and say fine bring them, but I feel like I shouldn’t just give them what they want because this is my day. But I am not sure if I would be happier to have no kids and no them or have them and their kids. Plus, if they bring their kids then I have to let everyone else, too.
I am just really upset and don’t know what to do.
Post # 3
This is a really hard issue for a lot of people. I cant tell you what YOU should do but if it was me I would and will stick to my guns. When I say no kids I mean no kids.
Post # 4
Same thing happened to us. My mom has 3 half sisters and 2 step sisters and we didnt invite their kids. None of them came and said that it was because their kids werent invited. Im not close to them anyways so its fine – but we just said well thats too bad and moved on! You wont care who ISNT at your wedding during your wedding!!!
Post # 5
I would stick my original decision and say no kids. If you are willing to provide babysitting then you are being completely reasonable. The only exception I would make would be for infants.
Post # 6
It’s tough. If I were you—and by the way, I kind of am because we’re not having kids at ours either—I’d stick to the rule but just accept the fact that a couple of people might not come.
If you make a few exceptions, you anger far more of your guests whose children weren’t an exception.
Post # 7
I’m a little lost. You are allowing kids at the venue, but are just having a separate kid’s room with babysitting available, right? I think you have provided the best compromise possible. Have they given a reason why the kids need to be at their side (special needs or anything)?
Post # 8
I’m not sure why they feel they can’t bring their children. You said you are providing babysitting for your guests children. You should reiterate to them that you really would love for them to be there and remind them that you are providing a babysitting service so their children can be watched while still being close by. If even after you call and tell them how important it is to you that they be there, they still are not comforatable with thier children being with a sitter, then you need to just let it go and accept their absence. I’m sure you knew making the decision to not allow children you ran the risk of some people not being able to attend.
Post # 9
You have every right to say that you don’t want kids there and they shouldn’t get mad about it. But they also have every right to decide they don’t want to attend because of it and you shouldn’t get made about it. The decision ultimately goes both ways.
I think you need to decide how close you are to these people and if you will look back and wish they were there (even with kids).
Post # 10
my invites just went out yesterday and we are very strict about the not having kids at the reception. this will probably create issues with a few of my aunts and cousins, but my attitude is kind of like…it’s not our problem. but maybe that’s because the people who would give me a hard time about it are the people i don’t really want there…i just invited to keep some kind of calm in my family.
really, it’s your call! i just think that if they are close enough to you, they shouldn’t be so selfish as to not come just because their children aren’t invited. seriously, in this day and age, how many children are typically invited to a wedding? it’s crazy to me. if i were a mother, i would be excited to have a night out with my husband and to find a babysitter for the kids!
Post # 11
I don’t think you’re being unreasonable if you’re providing babysitting. Make sure they know this! I would try not to cave to their requests. Thats a choice they’ll have to make and thats what happens when you become a parent!
Post # 12
Don’t let kids come if you don’t want them.
We had issues with a few things that people didn’t like. Of course I was upset if people didn’t come to our wedding, but after the fact I still wouldn’t change a thing b/c I got the wedding of my dreams, the way I wanted it. If I did it differently, I would not have been as happy.
Post # 13
I stay stick with your original decision and have no kids. This can’t be the first wedding they have ever been invited to with no kids allowed. Honestly I think people are so rude sometimes.
Post # 14
When did you make this decision in relation to sending out invites? It sounds like you sent the invitations out and then had a follow up email saying no kids? Did you originally intend to invite kids?
If you said no kids after the invites went out, I can see people being a little upset, maybe wondering why this decision wasn’t made before. However, you are providing child care at the wedding so they don’t have to make other arrangements and in the grand scheme of things, not a whole lot is changing for the guests other than a babysitter will be watching the kids instead of the parents.
Post # 15
Definitely stick with your guns. You are doing more than necessary by providing a babysittter. If it was someone else’s wedding…say a co-worker or friend would they make a fuss over bringing their children? I think not. People just think they can make their own decisions and change what you want to accomadate what they want, but it is your wedding day, stick to what you want. If they get mad, too bad…they are the ones being unreasonable.
Post # 16
This happened with us too. My one cousin was bringing her daughter as her “and guest” (she is a single gal, so she got a +1). Two of my other cousins wouldn’t come w/o their kids & the last one could have left his kid at home with her mom, but decided to bring her along anyways.
So two of my cousins & their spouses refused to come w/o their kids & one was just brining hers as her date. One of them is local, the other is 2 hours away, and neither of them could find a babysitter (hello, you have had 16 months to find a babysitter)… So I had to let the kids come. Then I had to go back and tell people that had kids that they could bring theirs.. it looked like I had changed my mind, and that irked some people, but what was I to do.
Its totally up to you and your family relationship. Two of my cousins that wouldn’t have come would have been most of my dad’s remaining family, and it was important for him to have them there. If it isn’t as big of an issue for you, stick to your guns. In the end I decided it was better to have everyone there, even if there were kids involved.