(Closed) People you do not want to be at your wedding

posted 5 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
Member
9142 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 2013 - St. Augustine Beach, FL

It’s really an all or nothing situation.  If you extend other plus 1’s but not to her then she is going to be upset even though she knows you hate her Boyfriend or Best Friend.  Maybe some tough love is necessary in this situation and you shouldn’t invite her at all.

Post # 4
Member
3572 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

If you don’t invite him, your friendship will be over.  I mean, I wish I could delete every racist family member off my guestlist, but it doesn’t really work that way.  If you are close to this woman, I would treat her as you would your sister.  I think the guy needs to be invited

Post # 5
Member
5958 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: April 2018

@Bzztjay:  Look, I get that you don’t like this guy and it sounds like you have good reason.  What you don’t have is a good enough reason to single out your friend and the person she’s chosen to date from your guest list, as if his presence at the event would even manage to put the slightest damper on the proceedings in the least…I understand it’s your wedding, you should have things the way you like, but there is no way to exclude this man without making a HUGE debaucle out of the whole thing and ultimately punishing your friend for it, all for the sake of a couple of hours on one day….not worth it.

Post # 6
Member
1161 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

@Bzztjay:  I hear you on not wanting to extend the plus one to her, but I think you should if you’re extending it to other people. I think if you didn’t she would be really upset and it might put a strain on your relationship. You may just have to suck it up and ignore the crap out of that guy on your day. If you’re lucky maybe he won’t even come!

Post # 7
Member
3195 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

@Bzztjay:  how has he demonstrated his racism? are you or your guests a different race than he is? how do you anticipate him making your guests uncomfortable?

unless he’s known to get drunk and scream racial slurs at everyone in the room, i think you pretty much have to invite him.

Post # 8
Member
2376 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

I hate to say it, but not inviting him will give him ammunition to push her further away from friends & family.  It plays right into the “us vs the world” mentality.  It’s not worth the drama, and it’s not worth losing her over it.  Unless you truly believe he will launch into some crazy racist tirade mid-ceremony or take over the mic and give a speech straight out of the KKK reading materials, then give her the +1. 

Post # 11
Member
592 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

@Bzztjay:  My best friend knows I absolutely despise her husband. He cheated on her, had the girl he was cheating with as a bridesmaid in their wedding and many other forms of disrespect I won’t get into. She stayed in the marriage because of their children but she is completely unhappy and there is no trust. He is not invited to my wedding and she understands why and is happily attending without him. Your situation sounds a bit different in that your friend wants to be with him and would take it as an insult if you didn’t invite him. It sucks, but you might have to put up with him being there. 

Post # 12
Member
112 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

I am in a somewhat similar situation.  One of my good friends started dating a married guy (who is now divorced but was about 5 months into his marriage at the time they started the affair).  Needless to say, it has strained our friendship and her friendship with many other girls in our “group.”  

We are also doing the 1 year+ rule for inviting SOs.  My other gfs in that group decided not to bring their SOs and make it a girls’ weekend.  She has informed me she is bringing him.  He will have zero friends there, and to be honest, I cringe at the thought that we are spending almost $300 on his dinner.  There are so many people I would rather have there than him.  But as everyone said…

 

Post # 13
Member
93 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

I can’t really offer any advice on this that could enlighten you further. I have a couple of friends who recently got into relationships, and I’m extending them plus ones (as they are in the bridal party.) However, I have another friend who’s girlfriend cheated on him, and they’ve broken up and gotten back together a couple of times. My fiance and I haven’t met her, and my friend has never offered to bring her around. I think he knows how we feel about her. We aren’t giving him a plus one because we don’t one someone at our wedding who doesn’t respect the sanctity of a relationship (regardless of marital status.) We were comfortable with this decision mostly because he knows most of the guests who will be attending, so him not having his girlfriend there won’t leave him sitting all alone at a table. We have plenty of other single friends as well. 

Post # 15
Member
4606 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

I am in a similar situation with my Maid/Matron of Honor. She’s dating a complete ass. She knows I don’t like him, but she’s my friend. I’m giving her a plus one because I don’t want to push her away because she’s going through so many things, but I also told her that I won’t hesistate to throw him out if he starts acting like he usually does in a group setting. She understands. 

You might luck out at her boyfriend may not want to attend, but otherwise I think you should give your friend a plus one. 

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