(Closed) Perfect Man, Not-So-Perfect Proposal and Ring

posted 8 years ago in Emotional
Post # 32
538 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

As others have said, the only true difference between a promise ring and an engagement ring is in the presentation of said ring. Jewelry stores are going to market perfectly gorgeous rings as “promise rings” as a silly sales tactic for their own profits. The label “promise ring” is nothing more than this. As for the ring being on sale, it makes sense. A thrifty man is not necessarily cheap, it sounds to me as though he is looking out for your future. You did say he has only a part-time job at the moment. Perhaps in time, the two of you can design a ring together to mark an anniversary πŸ™‚ Congrats on your engagement, and may the two of you have lasting happiness!

Post # 33
333 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

i think the fact that he couldn’t wait, and wanted to do it that night even if it didn’t go to plan is actually very romantic! 

Post # 35
9071 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2012

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@soy:  Haha. My husband is a romantic sap. He brings me flowers, leaves me long-winded text messages about how I’m the most amazing woman in the world, whispers sweet nothings into my ear, he’s the very “stereotypical” romantic and always has been behind closed doors. In public he’s his standard hardass material, which I find endearing.

That said, I didn’t expect a gushy romantic proposal from him. I didn’t really expect anything. I never was like other little girls and daydreamed about prince charming, being proposed to, getting married and having a beautiful wedding.

My husband is a romantic, and I know he is a romantic. I still didn’t expect romance from him. Hell, he made me ferry around & sign for my own engagement ring without my knowledge. The most romantic thing he did that night was hold the door for me & helped me out of the booth when my high heel twisted my ankle.

Love at first ouchie, I guess.

Post # 36
85 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

I know it can be disappointing if your proposal isn’t what you thought it would be but as a PP said, I think we brides have really high expectations and our SOs are just so nervous to ask and finally be relieved when you say yes.

My Fiance and I had been discussing marriage for awhile and then on New Years this year (after waiting through a romantic weekend away, my birthday and Christmas -all good times to propose!LOL) we get in the car to head to a party and he looks over at me and blurts out “Can we just be engaged already!?!” I laughed and was like “Are you asking me?” and he goes “Oh yea…Will you marry me?” He didn’t even have the ring with him!!! LOL I ended up going back up to our apartment myself and getting the ring out of his underwear draw. He did put it on my finger and told me how much he loves me and how happy he is to get to spend the rest of his life with me.

It wasn’t the most romantic but it was very “us” and I still love the story. Enjoy being engaged and focus on making your ceremony as special or romantic as you can πŸ™‚

Post # 37
1088 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

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@Hyperventilate:  to each their own i guess πŸ™‚

Post # 38
1217 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

Mine was pretty disappointing and I hate telling my proposal story – basically, I knew Fiance had the ring, he walked into the bedroom one morning when I was getting ready to visit my grandma and said “here’s the ring, let’s be engaged” or something like that. No romantic declarations, not even down on one knee!

Fortunately, he often does small romantic gestures that show me he does know that these gestures are meaningful to me – like, he’ll draw me little pictures or send me texts when he sees something that reminds him of me, like a cute beagle puppy (the dog we are going to get one day). Those things over time will mean more to me than having a fairytale proposal. Plus, I am doing the bulk of the wedding planning so I can’t be disappointed!

Enjoy planning your wedding together and making it the romantic day you have always wished for. I believe this will overshadow any lingering feelings of disappointment you have about the proposal.

Post # 39
394 posts
Helper bee

I think men just get very nervous about proposing. It is a very difficult thing to do, for a man to finally put himself out there so much, that when they get an idea in their head they run with it. While the ladies tend to focus on every minute detail of their proposal stories, I think most men just go with what feels right and look forward to it being over with and having a financee.

I did not always find humor in what happened with my proposal, but I love my DH so much it is now funny to me: my husband made this big to do about secretly calling my work in advance and asking for time off to whisk me away to Europe for a surprise proposal trip. Apparently, while touring numerous beautiful sites, he lost his nerve to ask me the way he wanted in front of people. Instead, at roughly 7 pm when we were back at the hotel waking up from a nap before dinner, he shook me awake and asked me when I was too groggy to even comprehend. I couldn’t even tell you what he said to this day it was so confusing in my sleep induced state. 

He thought it was magical! I wondered why he blew a million romantic opportunities as we strolled around beautiful places… que sera sera! I am happy to be married now, and tend to tell the more generic, “he took me to Europe to propose,” cliff notes version.

Post # 40
1217 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

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@IUrebekah3RT:  Haha! My fiance is relieved we are having a winter wedding because he admitted he is paranoid about us trying to get the rings on during the ceremony and being unable to put them on! His ring finger is quite swollen from football injuries and he keeps injuring it, so he’s a bit worried about the ring actually fitting.

Post # 41
451 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

I’m so glad you’re feeling better about the situation! I think that a lot of women have been led to have really unrealistic expectations about the whole proposal routine – and I imagine it must be really hard on men to feel that they have to iive up to those expectations – while not feeling quite sure how to go about it.

I had been struggling a bit with the waiting period, and I really didn’t think it was likely to happen, so when it did happen, it surprised the heck out of me! We had just been lying in bed holding each other close one morning, and out of the blue he just said softly (so softly that I had to ask him to repeat it!) . . . “will you marry me?”

There was no ring because he hadn’t gotten around to it (and I really didn’t want one anyway) and then afterward he sort of withdrew, and it almost seemed like he had regretted asking! I agonized about that for a couple of days, then we had a heartfelt conversation, and he admitted that he had been meaning to ask for months, and had meant to wait and make it more romantic, but that he had just been overcome by such waves of love that it slipped out – and then he felt annoyed with himself that he hadn’t gotten it all together first!

It sounds to me like your man had a plan that didn’t pan out, and then just couldn’t wait to ask you, so he just went ahead! Doesn’t that give you a sweet little thrill, knowing that he couldn’t stop himself? That’s how I felt once I understood my guy’s actions. That’s so much more meaningful, in many ways, than his ability to pull of an orchestrated proposal scene – you see what I mean?

And the ring thing, you really need to get over that. He spent ALL his money on it and you loved it when you saw it. Ring envy is bulls**t, my dear – a lot of bling does not a relationship make.

If you guys make it to 50 years down the road, you will treasure that ring as one of your most precious belongings, believe me.

Post # 42
814 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: February 2012

Geez cut the guy some slack! He tried his best… he bought the ring he could afford (who gives a shit if it’s marketed as a promise ring or engagment ring? it’s all marketing BS. Do you want him to go into debt, cos it sounds like you kinda do) and he proposed after a concert you went to together.. you are engaged to the love of your life. Chill out, it’s fine.

Post # 43
701 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: January 2004

My proposal story??

well hubby bought  ring that honestly didnt cost much at all. we spend more on groceries each week. (ok we might spend this much a fortnight). He had a fair amount saved up for a ring, but couldnt find one that he loved for me. A ring isnt about what a person puts on the price tag, but on the price you put your love on it.

He ended up finding a ring that he loved, and he bought that.

Its an antique ring, made in the 1930’s. Its a citrine stone with two diamonds on the side. It was seriously not at all expensive. Its not even an engagement ring. But its our engagement ring.

How he proposed.. He had just gotten home from being on a fishing caming trip with my dad. He was grubby and smelly and tired and hairy.. Still in his fishing clothes.. 

He grabbed my hand walked out side and he did get down on his knee, and he said “we’re getting married” i was like “yes”. to which he replied “um i wasnt asking..” it wasnt romantic. he had planned to do it the next  weekend, as we had a mini break planned, but he told me he didnt want to wait any longer. 

honestly, your story isnt at all unromantic. Its just that he took you to a concert, (imagine him feeling like the very next song is going to be it…), and it didnt happen the way he thought, such a let down.. all he wanted to do was ask you to marry him. Thats it. He wanted you! Just you. and after his perfect plan that he put time into thinking about was derailed, he honestly couldnt wait any longer.. that is romantic! and loving.. he just couldnt wait any longer for your lives to have that connection. πŸ™‚

I can understand that you might not feel like your engagement was perfect. But i really dont think that an engagement can ever be perect.. its life.. you cant help what obsticles pop up. and honestly its not about the ring or the proposal, but the commitment. hope you two have a wonderful blessed and happy life together πŸ™‚

Post # 44
1148 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2013 - Ontario, Canada

My FH asked me at home, on the sofa while I was in sweats packing for a trip. He was really nervous and focused on everything he wanted to say so spoke quite quicky and actually forgot to ask “wil you marry me?” I found out that he had though of a million different plans to do it but when he saw me sitting there in our home he just decided it was the right time and he couldn’t wait anymore. It wasn’t how I had imagined it but it was perfect because you know what? I have waited for 33 years for my perfect man and to meet someone that feel that way about me, and he waited for 38 years until he found someone he wanted to ask to spend his life with. If that isn’t romantic then what is??! Remember that some people never get to experience that moment…. 

Post # 45
5866 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: April 2013

At first I was a bit bummed with my proposal too.  Then after about a week I learned how to tell the story in a way that I felt good about.  That made all the difference and now I’m super happy about the whole thing and honestly don’t even think about it much.  Thick into wedding planning now, and then onto our life together!  Woo hoo!

It’s ok to feel a bit bummed.  You’ve probably been building this moment up in your head for ages (like I had been).  It’s hard for something to compete with that.  You’ll come to peace with it soon.

And regarding the ring…guess what?  A lot of people’s BIG rings these days aren’t diamonds.  Mine isn’t.  It’s big an flashy and a moissy and it wasn’t terribly expensive.  When you see others with big rings it does mean a thing – you dont know if it’s a diamond or bought on credit or what.  Once you get a few weeks out from the engagement everyone will stop asking to see your ring and no one will even notice it anymore.

Post # 46
471 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 2013

@GreenSkittle:  I too got a proposal and a ring that was different than I expected. My fiancé is usually extremely romantic. We were away on a romantic weekend and I expected a proposal. I kept waiting for a mammoth gesture. But it ended up going like this: I was looking for my hairbrush in his travel bag and stumbled across a little purple box. I grabbed it and was like OMG is this what I think it is? And he was just laughing and smiling and I thought it was a joke and he was just teasing me. I didn’t actually think there was anything in there. So he chased me and wrestled me down to get the box off me. One thing lead to another and you can kinda guess what happened. Then he placed the box over my heart and asked me to marry him as he took the ring out and placed it on my finger. I burst into tears. I was so overwhelmed and ecstatic! 

The ring is gorgeous but it’s not my style it’s his. The proposal was sweet and memorable but very intimate. I couldn’t tell my family the real story. So there were a few issues I had to come to terms with. I considered upgrading/changing my ring but that would devastate my fiancé (he’s very sentimental) I don’t know how I accepted the initial ‘underwhelm-ments’ I felt, I just did. I’m planning my wedding to a man I’m so excited to have a future with. The rest is just history!

Hope you can accept it too πŸ™‚ I’m sure you will!

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