- 8 years ago
- Wedding: September 2013
I agree with the other bees about how common it is for us to be underwhelmed when the proposal finally happens. I have a similar story, but even as I think about how I’m going to write it I’m thinking “you are an idiot, he was so amazing, I can’t believe you thought it was kinda lame at the time.”
So here goes (sorry it’s long! feel free to ignore my post!)…
My fiance is super romantic. One of those totally sappy guys who gets me presents just because, writes me looooong love cards for every little occasion, and loves to surprise me by showing up at my door unexpectedly (you see we have been together for 7 1/2 years and about half of it has been with 6000 miles between us). We had talked about marriage, weddings, engagements, all of it over the years. We even talked about how hard it is to think of a way to propose, how I don’t want all of my family or a bunch of strangers there watching, and that I expected a lot from him and he expected a lot from himself. I also told him how I didn’t want a blood diamond and that if I did get a diamond it would have to be antique.
Ok, flash forward. After a pretty rocky year apart, and knowing he had wanted to propose for a while now, he told me he was coming to visit me on September 10th 2012 and sent me an email with his ticket information. He kept asking me to take off from work to celebrate his birthday on August 25th, but I was too stupid to understand that it was all a lie! He plotted with my parents (who picked him up at the airport) and he arrived on August 25th. His plan was to set up this scene in my room for the engagement whle I was sleeping (because I’m a heavy sleeper), then wake me, surprise me, and propose (super amazing right? I know, I said i’m stupid).
Unfortunately, since I had been used to sleeping alone, as soon as he opened the door to my room at 6am I woke up, freaked out, asking “who’s there?!” Totally foiling his plan. Then, to make matters worse, he dropped something on the floor that I went to help him find, when I got on the floor I saw boxes of rose petals under the bed!!!!! ONLY THEN did I realize he was planning to propose to me! Did I mention I’m really dense? And the only thing I could think of was, “really? rose petals? so cheesy!” Again, dumb as I am, I didn’t say anything about seeing the rose petals. I acted like nothing happened and we went about having a wonderful time celebrating his birthday. Every time I left him alone for a bit I wondered if he was going to propose when I returned.
We went to see a movie, and then out for a romantic dinner. Where he kept talking about a friend’s engagement, and the ring, and I just pretended to play dumb. He kept saying we had to get home by midnight because he wanted to finish celebrating his birthday at home. When we got back to the house he kept sending me away for things, like flashlights or candles (because our power had legitimately gone out), or to brush my teeth. I realized he was probably trying to do it then, so I took my time brushing and started getting super anxious about what was about to happen.
I came back into my room (braless, in ugly PJs), and saw (and smelled, god did they smell) rose petals all over the floor, a huge canvas he had printed of a sunrise we saw together in Italy in 2006 where he fake proposed to me, and a little sign under it that said, “this time, it’s for real.” Then he got down on one knee, opened a little black box, and asked me to marry him in Hebrew, his mother tongue. I said “are you kidding me?” like 4 times, then he asked me to marry him in English, and then I said “Yes! obviously!”
I could barely see the ring in the dark, but it looked smaller than I had expected, and was a diamond. The whole night I felt like there was a pit in my stomach. I OF COURSE wanted to be engaged to this amazing man that I have loved for so long, but I felt so bad about not LOVING the proposal and the ring. I expected some long scavenger hunt, or a weekend alone together, I don’t know, something else. I expected he would talk to my parents and friends about it first, and find out exactly what I wanted. He was so excited to finally have proposed, and kept chattering about our lives together and getting married, and ALL I could think about was omg I can’t not say anything (I am unable to not say when I’m disappointed, it’s awful).
The next day I ended up spilling the beans about how the proposal and the ring weren’t exactly what I expected. He was a little disappointed to hear it of course, but he also admitted that he rushed everything because (like so many of all of your amazing stories) he really really really really really wanted to be engaged to me already! And he also said since I didn’t get him anything for his birthday, he decided to get himself something, me! Of course he didn’t say THAT while down on his knee! =P
He pretended to be SUPER mad at me for a few days. And then proposed again by setting up the canvas in the middle of the night, climbing back into bed and waking me to tell me all the reasons he wanted to marry me.
Now looking back on it all, the only thing I can think is how mad I am at myself for RUINING that moment for MYSELF! I was so focused on stupid stuff that I couldn’t feel as excited as I really was to finally be engaged to the man I love.
We did reset the ring, which he also said he assumed I might do when he bought it. I actually ended up choosing a setting very very similar to the one he got me in the first place. Pretty much the only change was that I wanted 6 prongs instead of 4. And as usual, his choice was much more timeless and “me” then I would have picked for myself if left to my own devices. Sometimes your man just knows you better.
So, ultimately, I think I agree that society totally sets us to up to be disappointed in our proposals, even when they are clearly super amazing. Take the time to think about what really went into it, the emotions he had, and you’ll realize it really was an incredible moment.
Phew, that’s the first time I’ve told that whole story. Felt great to get it out. thanks! =)