(Closed) Perfect Man, Not-So-Perfect Proposal and Ring

posted 8 years ago in Emotional
Post # 47
110 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

I agree with the other bees about how common it is for us to be underwhelmed when the proposal finally happens. I have a similar story, but even as I think about how I’m going to write it I’m thinking “you are an idiot, he was so amazing, I can’t believe you thought it was kinda lame at the time.”

So here goes (sorry it’s long! feel free to ignore my post!)…

My fiance is super romantic.  One of those totally sappy guys who gets me presents just because, writes me looooong love cards for every little occasion, and loves to surprise me by showing up at my door unexpectedly (you see we have been together for 7 1/2 years and about half of it has been with 6000 miles between us). We had talked about marriage, weddings, engagements, all of it over the years. We even talked about how hard it is to think of a way to propose, how I don’t want all of my family or a bunch of strangers there watching, and that I expected a lot from him and he expected a lot from himself. I also told him how I didn’t want a blood diamond and that if I did get a diamond it would have to be antique.

Ok, flash forward. After a pretty rocky year apart, and knowing he had wanted to propose for a while now, he told me he was coming to visit me on September 10th 2012 and sent me an email with his ticket information.  He kept asking me to take off from work to celebrate his birthday on August 25th, but I was too stupid to understand that it was all a lie! He plotted with my parents (who picked him up at the airport) and he arrived on August 25th.  His plan was to set up this scene in my room for the engagement whle I was sleeping (because I’m a heavy sleeper), then wake me, surprise me, and propose (super amazing right? I know, I said i’m stupid). 

Unfortunately, since I had been used to sleeping alone, as soon as he opened the door to my room at 6am I woke up, freaked out, asking “who’s there?!” Totally foiling his plan. Then, to make matters worse, he dropped something on the floor that I went to help him find, when I got on the floor I saw boxes of rose petals under the bed!!!!! ONLY THEN did I realize he was planning to propose to me! Did I mention I’m really dense? And the only thing I could think of was, “really? rose petals? so cheesy!” Again, dumb as I am, I didn’t say anything about seeing the rose petals. I acted like nothing happened and we went about having a wonderful time celebrating his birthday.  Every time I left him alone for a bit I wondered if he was going to propose when I returned.  

We went to see a movie, and then out for a romantic dinner. Where he kept talking about a friend’s engagement, and the ring, and I just pretended to play dumb.  He kept saying we had to get home by midnight because he wanted to finish celebrating his birthday at home. When we got back to the house he kept sending me away for things, like flashlights or candles (because our power had legitimately gone out), or to brush my teeth. I realized he was probably trying to do it then, so I took my time brushing and started getting super anxious about what was about to happen.  

I came back into my room (braless, in ugly PJs), and saw (and smelled, god did they smell) rose petals all over the floor, a huge canvas he had printed of a sunrise we saw together in Italy in 2006 where he fake proposed to me, and a little sign under it that said, “this time, it’s for real.” Then he got down on one knee, opened a little black box, and asked me to marry him in Hebrew, his mother tongue. I said “are you kidding me?” like 4 times, then he asked me to marry him in English, and then I said “Yes! obviously!”

I could barely see the ring in the dark, but it looked smaller than I had expected, and was a diamond.  The whole night I felt like there was a pit in my stomach. I OF COURSE wanted to be engaged to this amazing man that I have loved for so long, but I felt so bad about not LOVING the proposal and the ring. I expected some long scavenger hunt, or a weekend alone together, I don’t know, something else.  I expected he would talk to my parents and friends about it first, and find out exactly what I wanted. He was so excited to finally have proposed, and kept chattering about our lives together and getting married, and ALL I could think about was omg I can’t not say anything (I am unable to not say when I’m disappointed, it’s awful). 

The next day I ended up spilling the beans about how the proposal and the ring weren’t exactly what I expected. He was a little disappointed to hear it of course, but he also admitted that he rushed everything because (like so many of all of your amazing stories) he really really really really really wanted to be engaged to me already! And he also said since I didn’t get him anything for his birthday, he decided to get himself something, me! Of course he didn’t say THAT while down on his knee! =P

He pretended to be SUPER mad at me for a few days. And then proposed again by setting up the canvas in the middle of the night, climbing back into bed and waking me to tell me all the reasons he wanted to marry me. 

Now looking back on it all, the only thing I can think is how mad I am at myself for RUINING that moment for MYSELF! I was so focused on stupid stuff that I couldn’t feel as excited as I really was to finally be engaged to the man I love. 

We did reset the ring, which he also said he assumed I might do when he bought it. I actually ended up choosing a setting very very similar to the one he got me in the first place. Pretty much the only change was that I wanted 6 prongs instead of 4. And as usual, his choice was much more timeless and “me” then I would have picked for myself if left to my own devices. Sometimes your man just knows you better.

So, ultimately, I think I agree that society totally sets us to up to be disappointed in our proposals, even when they are clearly super amazing.  Take the time to think about what really went into it, the emotions he had, and you’ll realize it really was an incredible moment.

Phew, that’s the first time I’ve told that whole story. Felt great to get it out. thanks! =)

Post # 48
58 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

well the most important think that your MAN is amazing – ring, proposal doesnt matter that much.


For example, i dont consider my proposal good also – it was friday day, I came home, made something for the dinner, he came a bit later, was tired and didnt want to eat and said something so I overreacted. I told that he is mood ruiner or something and told that I got to get out (my intention was to go to the shop but I didnt tell him that) so I went away, came home after an hour or more and he also was gone. So i called him, we had fight over the phone, I was crying (and we are not  a couple who fights much) etc. Finally he came home, we talked and expresed our feeling and everything was kinda fine. And then in our room/kitchen he asked me to close my eyes and when I opened then he was on one knee and asked me to marry him. It turned out that he managed to buy my engagement ring in that hour while I was gone and he was also gone. So thats my story. nothing too much fun πŸ˜€


And my ring isnt that expensive or something, its beautiful – and I like it and even more I love my man πŸ™‚ So should you πŸ™‚

Post # 49
10 posts
  • Wedding: April 2014

My Fiance said yesterday (as I was giggling with one of my friends over what our men had said to us to propose)  “If I’d realized people were going to ask what I said, I would have planned my words out better!”

I think a lot of guys don’t get that for women in general, once you tell someone you’re engaged, one of the first things that people ask you is “How did he propose?  What did he say?  Did he get down on one knee?”  And then if you don’t have a romantic enough story, you can end up feeling a little silly about it.  I don’t think guys get all those kinds of questions, so it’s not really on their radar.

That said, my proposal was pretty low key, but I’m really happy with it.  And in the end, I’m going to be married to the man I love, which is really all I care about.  πŸ™‚

Post # 50
542 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

@GreenSkittle:  I don’t really know what a promise ring is since we don’t have them in the UK, therefore if a ring is used for an engagement then it automatically becomes an engagement ring! Regardless of which ‘section’ of the jewellery shop/website it comes from. You don’t need some money making establishment telling you what kind of ring it is, so don’t let them πŸ™‚ He proposed with it, hence it is your engagement ring πŸ™‚ Plus it is YOURS!! Plenty of us waiting bees would be happy just to get the proposal!  Lol


Post pics, I’m sure it’s beautiful πŸ™‚


As for the proposal, so what if it was low key-it felt right and be overwhelmingly happy in the fact he ‘couldn’t wait’ to propose to you!! How cute is that?!?!?


Enjoy basking in your newly engaged glow because there’ll be a whole heap of things to stress over once you start wedding planning-and your proposal most definitely needn’t be one of them!!

Post # 51
6352 posts
Bee Keeper

A jeweler’s marketing label does not an engagement ring make. It is an engagement ring because he presented it to you as such!

Mine wasn’t marketed as anything at all, because Fiance had it made based on his design. But he asked me to marry him with it, and that’s what makes it an engagement ring… 100% engagement ring!

Yours is too! 100%.

Personally, I prefer more intimate and personal proposals, I think they are the most romantic… but I can understand that you might not, and you felt let down. Sometimes that happens in life, like a fight on Christmas or an underwhelming birthday. But the important thing is not to focus on what it wasn’t, but what it was, and it was pretty awesome wasn’t it? You got engaged!! Eeeee! πŸ™‚

Post # 53
278 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

I struggled with comparing my proposal to other people’s…. especially lately with all of the proposals on YouTube! The elaborate scavenger hunts, and the flash mobs…. but in the end, that’s not what’s important.

Post # 55
8434 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: April 2013

View original reply
@Hyperventilate:  +1, the right man is so much more important than the ring, proposal or wedding.

Post # 56
2368 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: January 2013

there are people waiting and waiting and waiting for 7+ years to get proposed to by their partners, and there are people who havent even got someone special to get engaged to at all! id be grateful that he asked you to marry him and he wants to marry you, who cares how he asked, the point is he did. and who cares about the ring. upgrade later. its the symbol of what the ring reporesents that matters.

Post # 57
1458 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

In time you’ll realize that the proposal and ring don’t really mean anything.  Best wishes to you on the engagement and I think your ring is beaufitul.  πŸ™‚

Post # 58
8146 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2012

View original reply
@GreenSkittle:  i understand your disappointment, but honestly you love the guy, and everyone has ring envy. I love your ring. its different from the Halos everyone is sporting lately! (i love halos btw haha and i asked for one and didnt get one!). You get to choose your wedding band!  that will be fun and you can get something blingy if you still want it.  πŸ™‚ as for the propsal, its not bad per say, but its not what you were expecting. he WANTED it to be different, but you know what, you’ll never forget it. and im sure you’ll giggle about it later  πŸ™‚

Post # 60
503 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: February 2014

I was engaged many years ago, he proposed to me in bed. The one thing I DID NOT want from my new fiance was a proposal in bed… I’d already been there, so what does he do… He proposes to me in bed! Without a ring at all! I just got my ring yesterday, a month later… Do I wish I had a great story to tell people? Of course. Am I disappointed in any way? Nope… this amazing man actually wants to marry me, it still blows my mind. There’s no way I could be disappointed knowing that. πŸ™‚

Your ring is very pretty and the guy you want to marry has promised you the rest of his life… how could you possibly be disappointed knowing that?


Post # 61
6 posts
  • Wedding: September 2013

@GreenSkittle  I actually think your proposal story is really cute!!  It depends on how you look at it πŸ™‚  Something similar happened to my best friend – her now husband had his romantic proposal alllll planned out.  They had plans to go out to dinner, and they were suppose to walk to the restaurant from my friends apartment.  If they had walked, they would have passed the restaurant where they had gone on their first date.  He was planning on stopping her in front of the building and popping the question right there on the street.  

Well, he got stuck in traffic on his way home from work that day, so by the time he got to my friend’s apartment, they were already late and had to drive to make their reservation.  He was sweating bullets through the whole dinner, because my friend’s Mom and everyone else knew he was proposing that night.  He kept waiting for another good moment to pop up, and it never did.  So they finish dinner and drive back to her apartment.  He was freaking out by then, because he was afraid someone would call and say CONGRATs before he actually asked, so he stopped her after they got out of the car and proposed right in the parking lot, next to a dumpster!!  I always thought their story was so sweet, and it sounds like the same thing happened to your FI πŸ™‚   

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