(Closed) Perfect RSVP Wording (sarcastic)

posted 7 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
4046 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

Oh boy. Would that be the real amount you are spending pet guest, or a much higher penalty fee? It be so tacky to admit to guests what you are spending per each. Plus wedfings should be joyful and including this on the invite really destroys that feeling from the get go. Lol

Post # 4
3081 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

Haha so far we have managed to avoid the extra write ins with the exception of a very good friend who we should have known was dating someone and didn’t add her to the invitation. He super apologetically called Fiance and said “I don’t know what to do and I’m so sorry if I’m being rude by clarifying who is and is not invited”…We felt bad and of course extended the invite. 

Fingers crossed that we don’t get anything crazy!

Post # 5
1414 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2012


Post # 6
1992 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

@kate02121:  hahahahahaha OMG hilarious!


I’m having trouble deciding WHO to actually give plus ones to…

I know etiquette says anyone over the age of 18 right?

BUT I really don’t trust my black sheep cousin (31) to bring a tasteful lady…
and some of my friends make questionable choices as well!

What to doooo…. what to doooo…


Post # 7
1237 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

@KimmySumShuga:  We’re just doing +1s for those we know are in relationships

@brendaray2009:  Not gonna lie, this idea has crossed my mind haha Just like you, I’d never actually act on it but it doesn’t mean I can’t daydream. I’m hoping we don’t get anything crazy when our rsvps start coming in!

Post # 8
11233 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2013

@KimmySumShuga:  We are only giving +1s to the people who are in serious relationships at the time the invites go out. Almost everyone on our list is married or engaged anyway, so that was pretty much set up for us.

Post # 9
1696 posts
Bumble bee

@KimmySumShuga:  One of my pet “etiquette” peeves, is the number of things people claim “etiquette says”, that etiquette actually doesn’t say. It is worst, of course, when their claim goes in direct opposition to what etiquette actually says.

Etiquette actually says, for example that NOBODY “gets a plus one”. A gracious hostess is (according to formal traditional etiquette) responsible to be able to vouch for the good character of every one of her guests; so that none of her guests have to risk putting up with ladies who are less than tasteful. What a generous and gracious hostess does do, if she wants to accomodate guests who cannot cope with society without their main squeeze hanging off their arm, is find out who all her friends are dating, and send those dates their own separate invitation, in their own names, to their own addresses.

In the case of your black-sheep cousin, for example, you call him up and say “is there a particular lady whom you wish I would invite?”, and get her name and address. If her name turns out to be “Bunny Lustybomb”, you say “How nice! I would love to meet her. Why don’t you bring her over for tea/drinks/dessert on Saturday” (or, introduce us at the club, or some such thing.) And then if she turns out to be inappropriate, you just don’t invite her, and sit Cousin Black-sheep next to Great-Auntie Mildred.

Admittedly, there are two risks to the proper approach. One is that it is more work to find out all those names and addresses and to write all those personal invitations than to just add “and Guest” to one that you are writing anyway. The other is, that those people might come even if they break up with whomever they are dating, and you will have to treat them as if they really were welcome guests and not just an accessory to someone you really want to have there. But you see, people are NOT someone else’s accessory, and you are supposed to treat them as truly welcome guests anyway. This is how you do it.

Post # 10
4192 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: July 2012 - Baltimore Museum of Industry

It would also be amazing to put “If you chose not to attend and do not inform your hosts within 24 hours of the reception, you will be billed a accordingly.” Think about it… if a SPA can charge you for a missed appointment, why I can’t we charge for their plate?

If only! 

Post # 11
1237 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

Oh man that reminds me of a story our venue coordinator just told us. Apparently last year one bride got married on the day of a big football game (I think it may have been USC v Clemson which is a huge game around here) and HALF of her yes RSVPs were no shows. I would have flipped my lid. 

Post # 12
144 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

Haha love it! I actually printed each name onto the RSVP so they wouldn’t think others were invited! It worked out VERY well! For example, I wrote “Samantha & Richard Jones”, and if there were kids, “Samantha, Richard & Jon Jones”, and no one assumed others were invited! If one of them couldn’t come, they just put a line through the name!

Post # 13
726 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

@aspasia475:  Holy crap that’s way too much work!

Post # 14
1696 posts
Bumble bee

@jumpthegun:  Yes, it is. A great many etiquette details involve more work than the short-cuts and work-arounds (I guess that is why they are called “short cuts”.) It gets a great deal easier when you have a fairly formal day-to-day social life, because you are keeping up with who is dating whom and what Bunny’s address is; and you have on hand many of the skills and equipment that the formalities require and don’t have to go out and acquire them all at once.

But when you choose the short-cuts, you choose the consequences too. Guests who feel they are entitled to a “plus one”, and cousins who bring inappropriate guests, and a somewhat less formal tone to the event, are all things that you can choose to take control of — or not.

Post # 15
9952 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2012

Lol, I am sooo loving this topic.  

Like @aspasia475:  I too am a bit of an Etiquette snob (comes from both my very Victorian upbringing and my work with the Canadian Govt)

She is right, there is no ETIQUETTE RULE about Plus Ones… they are Guests like anyone else, and IF INVITED they are supposed to receive their own invite. 

Where all this goes astray, is it is assumed that by the age of 18 or 20, that one has “joined” the ranks of the adults (lol, no more kiddies table at parties) and understands the “particulars” of polite society…

Unfortunately, that it is not so… and WHY Brides and MOBs have such a difficult time planning a Wedding.  Social norms are just no longer taught (let alone respected)

This stuff all went out of favour since the 1970s, when “my generation” said they wanted “less establishment”… the downfall though is it means that when the situation calls for a more formal affair, folks don’t know how to behave at all (be it sending back the RSVP, Dressing appropriately for the occasion, Double-dipping in the Chip & Dip, or picking up their cellphone to answer a call while seated in a Restaurant sharing Dinner with another)

Casual less formal lifestyles are great, in many situations, don’t get me wrong… but it also means that basic manners and respect for one another has also decreased. There is a trade off, and that is it.

Life is harder for those of us wanting to organize a Wedding, “pretty” party, or just know that the guy serving us has ummmm washed his hands !!

Personally, I think the basics should be taught somewhere in modern society, but haven’t a clue where… home, school, one’s first job ?  Problem is that it has gotten to a point, that there aren’t a lot of folks around who could even teach them anymore.

— — —

Ok now my own IF ONLY  addition…

Along with the charge for people who write in their own additional Guests, and for NO SHOWS (love em both)… I propose the following

NOTE – This is an ALL Adult event, if you dare to be soooo brash as to bring along Junior, please be aware that (a) you will be charged the full amount of an Adult Meal (lol, even if he is still “on the bottle”) and (b) you will also be charged the rate of $ 25 per hour for babysitting fees… for “your wonderful” child… (who you believe will be no inconvenience at all… still will somehow cause a disruption to the vision / flow of this once in a lifetime event)

Lol, lets see… Wedding starts at 4 PM runs to Midnight…

8 x $ 25 for Babysitting = $ 200 + $ 50 for the Meal = $ 250

I get the $ 25 an hour cost for babysitting from the Cruise & Resort Industry (as that seems to be the going rate these days) and the Wedding Costs estimated at $ 50 a head all-inclusive (Meal – Cake – Champagne Toast – Favours – Decore etc), is well quite frankly a LOW number… ($ 100 to $ 200 is probably more realistic)

The point is though… if Mr & Mrs Inconsiderate were charged say $ 250+ for insisting to bring along Jr … maybe then I could make sense of how they continually seem to claim, that how getting a babysitter on their own and leaving Jr either at home or back at the Hotel with them is an “expensive inconvenience”

Really… like it isn’t for the Bride & Groom ???

PS… For the record, I don’t dislike children… I LOVE KIDS.  As a Mom over 50, I’ve seen my share of them… but I’ve also come to appreciate in life that there are somethings where Little Jane & Johnny are best not in attendance, but sadly their parents haven’t figured that out yet.  So IF ONLY they were given somehow a hint / clue to that fact (and money is sadly the one way that seems to catch these type of folks attention)

— — —

EDIT TO ADD – Here is an interesting memory / story I just thought of and figured I would share.

When I was around 8 or 10, I had a second cousin get married out of town.  My family naturally went to the Wedding.  The whole family including us kids were invited to the Ceremony (which is often the case… and does make for great pictures).  BUT only the Adults were invited to the Reception (makes perfect sense).  Us kiddies, and there were probably 6 of us out of towners stayed back at the Hotel with a Babysitter that the B&G had arranged for (not sure tho in reality who paid for them).  We had a pretty good time, started out playing games on the lawn, then ordered in pizza, and then as the evening wore on the youngest ones went off to bed (remember we were being babysat in 2 adjoining rooms).

I also remember tho, that I sooooo wanted to go to this Wedding. 

I remember asking my Parents time and time again WHY I wasn’t invited.  And they explained because it was an Adult event. 

At 8 or 10 I certainly put pressure on my Parents… (probably why some of today’s Parents cave and the phonecalls that come into Brides “but Little Johnny was sooo looking forward to attending”) BUT my Parents stood their ground.  “It is an Adult Event, and YOU are not an adult”. 

In the end, I think this made me extremely curious about what made this event so special that I couldn’t be there ??? 

So the next time that a Wedding rolled around and I was now quite a bit older (say somewhere between 14 and 16) I was aware that I was going along because “I was considered more mature”… so there was a natural compellment to “act” in a mature way.  So that essentially I would be considered appropriate enough to “make the list” for another social event in the future.

If you read back thru the ages, this is one thing that sets our society apart from those in the past.  There was an expectation that if you were to be included on the “social list” that it meant you were aware of how to conduct one’s self.  This is no longer the norm in our society, and probably another reason WHY things have slipped as far as they have.  There is a belief somehow that… I AM therefore I SHALL BE ATTENDING period.  (I AM the baby, I AM the girlfriend, I AM the coworker, I AM cousin Bob 5 times removed on the Bride’s Mother’s side, etc)


Post # 16
11436 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2009

@KimmySumShuga:  You’ve already received excellent guidance from @aspasia475: and @This Time Round: regarding the “plus one” issue.  The only comment I wish to add (and perhaps someone has already posted it while I’ve been reading all of the already-posted comments and composing this comment) is that you do not need to invite the “significant others” of any of your guests unless those guests are married to, engaged to, or living with the person whom you originally wanted to invite. I know many bees believe otherwise, but it is not inappropriate to exclude significant others if they do not meet those criteria.

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