Lol, I am sooo loving this topic.
Like @aspasia475: I too am a bit of an Etiquette snob (comes from both my very Victorian upbringing and my work with the Canadian Govt)
She is right, there is no ETIQUETTE RULE about Plus Ones… they are Guests like anyone else, and IF INVITED they are supposed to receive their own invite.
Where all this goes astray, is it is assumed that by the age of 18 or 20, that one has “joined” the ranks of the adults (lol, no more kiddies table at parties) and understands the “particulars” of polite society…
Unfortunately, that it is not so… and WHY Brides and MOBs have such a difficult time planning a Wedding. Social norms are just no longer taught (let alone respected)
This stuff all went out of favour since the 1970s, when “my generation” said they wanted “less establishment”… the downfall though is it means that when the situation calls for a more formal affair, folks don’t know how to behave at all (be it sending back the RSVP, Dressing appropriately for the occasion, Double-dipping in the Chip & Dip, or picking up their cellphone to answer a call while seated in a Restaurant sharing Dinner with another)
Casual less formal lifestyles are great, in many situations, don’t get me wrong… but it also means that basic manners and respect for one another has also decreased. There is a trade off, and that is it.
Life is harder for those of us wanting to organize a Wedding, “pretty” party, or just know that the guy serving us has ummmm washed his hands !!
Personally, I think the basics should be taught somewhere in modern society, but haven’t a clue where… home, school, one’s first job ? Problem is that it has gotten to a point, that there aren’t a lot of folks around who could even teach them anymore.
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Ok now my own IF ONLY addition…
Along with the charge for people who write in their own additional Guests, and for NO SHOWS (love em both)… I propose the following
NOTE – This is an ALL Adult event, if you dare to be soooo brash as to bring along Junior, please be aware that (a) you will be charged the full amount of an Adult Meal (lol, even if he is still “on the bottle”) and (b) you will also be charged the rate of $ 25 per hour for babysitting fees… for “your wonderful” child… (who you believe will be no inconvenience at all… still will somehow cause a disruption to the vision / flow of this once in a lifetime event)
Lol, lets see… Wedding starts at 4 PM runs to Midnight…
8 x $ 25 for Babysitting = $ 200 + $ 50 for the Meal = $ 250
I get the $ 25 an hour cost for babysitting from the Cruise & Resort Industry (as that seems to be the going rate these days) and the Wedding Costs estimated at $ 50 a head all-inclusive (Meal – Cake – Champagne Toast – Favours – Decore etc), is well quite frankly a LOW number… ($ 100 to $ 200 is probably more realistic)
The point is though… if Mr & Mrs Inconsiderate were charged say $ 250+ for insisting to bring along Jr … maybe then I could make sense of how they continually seem to claim, that how getting a babysitter on their own and leaving Jr either at home or back at the Hotel with them is an “expensive inconvenience”
Really… like it isn’t for the Bride & Groom ???
PS… For the record, I don’t dislike children… I LOVE KIDS. As a Mom over 50, I’ve seen my share of them… but I’ve also come to appreciate in life that there are somethings where Little Jane & Johnny are best not in attendance, but sadly their parents haven’t figured that out yet. So IF ONLY they were given somehow a hint / clue to that fact (and money is sadly the one way that seems to catch these type of folks attention)
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EDIT TO ADD – Here is an interesting memory / story I just thought of and figured I would share.
When I was around 8 or 10, I had a second cousin get married out of town. My family naturally went to the Wedding. The whole family including us kids were invited to the Ceremony (which is often the case… and does make for great pictures). BUT only the Adults were invited to the Reception (makes perfect sense). Us kiddies, and there were probably 6 of us out of towners stayed back at the Hotel with a Babysitter that the B&G had arranged for (not sure tho in reality who paid for them). We had a pretty good time, started out playing games on the lawn, then ordered in pizza, and then as the evening wore on the youngest ones went off to bed (remember we were being babysat in 2 adjoining rooms).
I also remember tho, that I sooooo wanted to go to this Wedding.
I remember asking my Parents time and time again WHY I wasn’t invited. And they explained because it was an Adult event.
At 8 or 10 I certainly put pressure on my Parents… (probably why some of today’s Parents cave and the phonecalls that come into Brides “but Little Johnny was sooo looking forward to attending”) BUT my Parents stood their ground. “It is an Adult Event, and YOU are not an adult”.
In the end, I think this made me extremely curious about what made this event so special that I couldn’t be there ???
So the next time that a Wedding rolled around and I was now quite a bit older (say somewhere between 14 and 16) I was aware that I was going along because “I was considered more mature”… so there was a natural compellment to “act” in a mature way. So that essentially I would be considered appropriate enough to “make the list” for another social event in the future.
If you read back thru the ages, this is one thing that sets our society apart from those in the past. There was an expectation that if you were to be included on the “social list” that it meant you were aware of how to conduct one’s self. This is no longer the norm in our society, and probably another reason WHY things have slipped as far as they have. There is a belief somehow that… I AM therefore I SHALL BE ATTENDING period. (I AM the baby, I AM the girlfriend, I AM the coworker, I AM cousin Bob 5 times removed on the Bride’s Mother’s side, etc)