(Closed) Personal Attacks on the Boards

posted 12 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 32
Member
5822 posts
Bee Keeper

I generally refrain from posting if I think the poster is WAY off base.  If they say they’re hosting reception with all you can eat chicken wings, I just don’t post.  Because that might be their PERFECT WEDDING RECEPTION, and who is it helping if I comment with some type of negative post.  If she wants to know Blue cheese or ranch, I don’t post with "That’s the dumbest thing I’ve ever heard."  Because she was looking for blue cheese…or…ranch.

And NO, it is not polite if you present a corallary like:
"I’m just being honest, but…"
"I don’t sugarcoat things, so here’s what I think…"
"I’ll just say it bluntly…"

It’s like saying "With all due respect, $%&# you."

Just because you say "With all due respect" doesn’t mean you can say anything you want and suddenly it’s not rude.  Same with posting!!  You should be able to put your "not sugarcoated," "blunt," "honest" opinions into words that aren’t hurtful.  Just take two more minutes of your time to not be rude, is that so hard???

Post # 33
Member
214 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2009

@mightysapphire: Welp, there went my "all-you-can-eat" chicken wing buffet reception. I was so looking forward to that! 😉

But I completely agree you. I’m all for giving honest advice when it’s requested. But prefacing a rude statement with "I’m gonna be honest here…" or "Just my opinion, but…" doesn’t make it any less hurtful to the person you’re responding to. It also won’t make that person any more likely to take your advice since they’ll be too busy defending themselves from whatever you said.  

Post # 34
Member
5822 posts
Bee Keeper

@honeypants: Honestly, if I didn’t think it would end up all over my dress….I would SO do that!  With a mashed potato bar….MMMMMM!!

Post # 35
Member
214 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2009

@mightysapphire: [Not to hijack the thread] I’d never heard of a mashed potato bar before until I read another post about it the other day. Seriously, the things I learn on Wedding Bee!

PS — The idea sounds REALLY good!!! 

Post # 36
Member
69 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: December 1969

I def agree with HL. Some of the posts mentioned and the ones I have read in the past-started out with saying something similar to.."ok ladies..my so and so is being so selfish and rude.." So that automatically does set the tone-and chances are someone will think that so and so isn’t being selfish and rude but you are..

I think the bottom line is-just put your response in a way that you would like to be treated-through a blog or in regular, everyday circumstances. =)

Post # 37
Member
344 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2009

I agree with a lot different people on here. I do agree that you should tell the truth and that if someone is asking opinions they should be prepared for the feed back, but it should be a constructive feed back and not rude or nasty for sure. It is easy to look in from the outside and make judgements and since most of us are just meeting for the first time on one written post I don’t think we know each other well enough to judge. But I have to say for the most part people are prity open and nice from what I have seen but definetly do say their opinions to:)

Post # 38
Member
1032 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2009

What I love about weddingbee is how supportive it can be. Though people may say that they don’t think things should be sugar coated and brides shouldn’t just be told what they want to hear…I disagree

Yes, we need honesty. But I can get that from all the other people in my life. I do need honestly here..but really, I come here for the support and sence of community. I do not think that there are things that "need to be said"

Some people may call this acting false, but I agree that sometimes it is best to follow "if you have nothing nice to say, say nothing at all".

Post # 39
Member
344 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2009

 I agree with the if you have nothing nice to say part for sure:)  I think advice should be given to be helpfull and not hurtfull:)

Post # 40
Member
19 posts
Newbee

Hello Everyone!

  I’m new to this board and am so happy to have found it. I also want to say "Thank You" for this particular topic. I recently joined another etiquette forum and was horribly attacked by my very first question. I had thought I was asking a simple etiquette question and instead I was told "Get over it", "you are bitter", etc., the answers had nothing to do with my original question and I HAD gotten over this minor mishap that had happneed to me. Everyone seemed to ‘know me better than I knew myself’ and I had to leave or have a stroke. I don’t understand why anyone would prefer to judge than to answer a simple question and try to get along. The old saying "If you have nothing nice to say, say nothing at all" goes a long way in my book, the epitomy of etiquette!

Post # 41
Member
344 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2009

I have to say I have had a lot of people say things that were very hurtfull and judgemental but that is the world a lot, there will always be people out there with no compassion and people who think they know better unfortunetly.

   It has been nice getting to know a lot of REALLY nice people on here and getting a lot of really awesome feedback and support.   It just hurts and bothers me when you get those really judgemental and hurtfull ones and hey I don’t even know these people.  For me I probably won’t choose to post anymore of my own subjects.

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