(Closed) Personal attendant instead of bridesmaid

posted 4 years ago in Bridesmaids
  • poll: Is it offensive to say no to being a personal attendant
    No : (94 votes)
    80 %
    Yes : (9 votes)
    8 %
    Bring it up with the bride : (15 votes)
    13 %
  • Post # 46
    Member
    6827 posts
    Busy Beekeeper

    mermy16:  Yeah–that definitely sounds like “my bitch for the day.” Just tell her you have a lot going on and you’d be more comfortable celebrating her special day as a guest. 

    Post # 48
    Member
    1633 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: January 2016

    mermy16:  I think I’d just say “oh, thans, but I’m so excited about your wedding that I’d rather be a guest than your personal attendant. I hope you understand”.

    And, I’d just leave it at that. If she pushes, I’d simply say “no thank you”. If she pushes beyound that or gets insistant, is she really a friend??

    Post # 49
    Member
    6107 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: October 2013

    mermy16:  yeah I would decline on the personal attendant thing and just tell her that you’ll be happy to do her hair. But that doesn’t mean you’re going to show up at the crack of dawn to help her run errands or anything like that.

    Post # 50
    Member
    2123 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: December 2017

    Hell no. The bride is a massive piss-taker, whether she realises or not. How rude. I thought it was rude before I read your updates but now I know more I think it’s ten times worse. Say no. So rude and so so cheeky. I’d be inclined to charge her for hair and makeup too. 

    Post # 51
    Member
    4891 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: October 2014

    I was a PA for a friend, who had 5 girls as Bridesmaid or Best Man (2 were her sisters), and, like you, I felt like I was closer to the bride than at least two of the other girls she chose for a Bridesmaid or Best Man. But, her decision.

    She also had 3 PAs, which I thought was too much. One of the PAs was mainly there to take additional photos, not professional ones, and then the other two us just helped where needed.

    Could I have said no? Of course, but whatever. In your case, I would be upset and you have a right. If you’re the only one singled out, that’s tough. I’d decline… and enjoy the wedding as a guest.

    Post # 52
    Member
    1023 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: September 2016

    Where I’m from originally (ND/MN), almost everyone has attendants. It’s considered to be an honor. I had no idea that it could be considered offensive. I was moved when my friend asked me to be an attendant, and I’ve known people who were offended when they WEREN’T asked to be an attendant. 

    Maybe the bride grew up in area or runs in circles with similar beliefs? I think you are still within your rights to decline, but maybe she doesn’t realize she has caused offense or that this could be offensive, so make sure to explain your viewpoint.

    • This reply was modified 3 years, 8 months ago by Profile Photo lr0901.
    Post # 53
    Member
    319 posts
    Helper bee

    Just say you don’t feel comfortable with that role and responsibility. But I love you and will offer you my love and support during this special life event. I’d she gets mad then that’s on her.

    The topic ‘Personal attendant instead of bridesmaid’ is closed to new replies.

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