(Closed) Personal shower?

posted 6 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
Member
14 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: August 2012

I’ve never heard of a personal shower–does that mean a shower thrown by the bride and groom themselves? 

Technically, according to Emily Post/Miss Manners, showers of any kind must always be thrown by nonrelative friends of the couple. Relatives of any kind–especially immediate family, are not supposed to host showers (although two of my aunts threw me and FH showers, so I guess I’ve already violated that one), as one runs the risk of making one’s guests feel shaken down.

Traditionally, it’s expected that one or more of the bridesmaids will throw any showers that happen, and the maid of honor will plan the bachelorette. Bachelorette parties are just a night on the town and needn’t include any gifts at all, although it can be fun to bring silly lingerie or (for someone immature like me) boob gummies. 

Guests aren’t traditionally supposed to bring expensive gifts to showers. They’re meant to be a fun and lighthearted celebration of the people and happiness going into the marriage.

If “personal shower” means what I think it does, I’d reconsider hosting that kind of party. If you’d like to see all of your friends, or if you’ve just moved and would love to get some household items early, consider hosting a housewarming party, birthday party, or dinner party instead…

 

Post # 4
Member
14 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: August 2012

Oh, and it’s OK to have more than one shower, but I’d avoid asking the same people to more than 1 if you can. I had 3, with some overlap, but one was a kitchen shower primarily with my dad’s relatives, one was a “wine party” primarily with my mom’s relatives and friends of the family, and 1 was with my friends and involved all of them doing something creative involving me and FH. The gifts from the last one are the ones I’ll cherish for a lifetime!!

Post # 5
Member
2065 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: December 2011

I had a reponse to your original post, so I’ll go from that. I’ve never heard it called a personal shower. The closest thing I know of to what you were talking about is a lingerie shower, but I didn’t have a separate one. We (ok, my bridesmaids) incorporated it into the bachelorette party. At the start of my bach party, the bridesmaids all gave me lingerie gifts and other “personal” fun items (I got some cheap vibrators, lube, fuzzy handcuffs, stuff like that). But then again the night was just dinner then hitting a bunch of bars so it wasn’t really a bank-breaking evening! 🙂 If someone wants to throw it for her great, but no one is ever obligated to attend.

Post # 6
Member
9550 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2013

A personal shower is when presents are bought for the bride. A bridal shower is when presents are bought for the couple. A bachelorette party is not a shower and gifts are not expected. All showers should be thrown by people other than the bride and groom (usually the wedding party or a family member).

Some examples: jewelry or perfume would be an appropriate gift for a personal shower but not for a bridal shower. A toaster or lamp or tickets to the movies would be appropriate for a bridal shower. Many bridesmaids are now incorporating a personal shower into the bachelorette party and I think this is kinda fun. Espeically lingerie showers (which are a type of personal shower – guess what gift you’re supposed to give).

It is fine to have a bridal shower and a personal shower and bachelorette, but I would combine the bachelorette and the personal shower for simplicity’s sake.

Post # 7
Member
10573 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: January 2011

I’ve never heard of a personal shower, but based on PPs, it sounds like a lingerie shower.  It’s fine to have all three, but most guests shouldn’t be invited to more than 1 shower, and those who do end up at both aren’t expected to bring gifts to both.

Post # 8
Member
9955 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2012

Have never heard the term “Personal Shower”… sounds a lot like a “Lingerie Shower” to me… or what once upon a time was known as a “Bridal Trousseau Shower”.

A Bridal Trousseau Shower, was when the Bride received items that she could put away for her Honeymoon and early married life… they would compliment the items that she would have already begun to collect on her own… (be it clothing, personal goods, or some “nice” household linens… that part usually referred to as the “Hope Chest” or “Cedar Chest”)

This originally “french” tradition gained popularity during the Victorian age, when women would build a whole wardrobe to carry them thru the first year of their marriage… so that there was basically NEW everything for her Honeymoon and beyond.  This concept more or less replaced a cash dowry… but meant that the Bride’s family had taken care of outfitting her for that first year, so it wasn’t a huge draw on the Groom (who was typically young and getting established in his career)… but also meant that the Bride’s Family had a chance to see that she “looked good” for her Groom (conveying her family’s social position) and also a time for the family women (Bride, MOB, Sisters, Gramma, Aunts etc) to show off their handiwork in the making or embellishment of various items (ie Dresses, Petticoats, Lingerie, Coats, Quilts, Tea Towels, Doileys, Embroidered items etc)

When I was married the first time (circa 1980) there were still certainly women who maintained this tradition.  I myself had a Cedar Chest (Lane was a huge manufacturer of them in the USA)… and I filled it up with items during my Engagement… including gifts I received (Engagement Parties, Showers etc) as well as items I bought on my own (Towels, Bed Linens etc).  And there were items that were given to me as gifts that were handcrafted… such as pieces that were knit, crocheted, embroidered etc.

In addition there was my Wedding Day attire… Dress, Veil, Petticoat, Bra, Pantyhose, Shoes, Purse, Jewellery etc.

And my “Going Away Outfit”… Suit, Blouse, Stockings, Purse & Shoes, Hat & Coat (all of which made their way into my working life / career wear post Honeymoon)

As well, I did follow the Trousseau tradition of building my wardrobe… albeit was mostly for the Honeymoon… a couple of suitcases full as I recall.  Lingerie, Nighties, Bathrobe, Slippers, Jeans, Casual Pants, Dress Pants, Skirts, Tops, Blouses, Sweaters, Runners, Shoes, Dress Shoes, Dress, Slip, Pantyhose, Bathingsuit, Cover-Up, Jacket, Umbrella, etc

EVERYTHING that I took on my Honeymoon was Brand New !! (a great way to spoil oneself for sure)

I “hope” that I can replicate the Honeymoon Trousseau tradition this time round… because I really enjoyed it the first time.  I hope to do a lot of shopping over the rest of the summer (and particularly during the sales) because we are Honeymooning in the US South & Caribbean after our December Wedding.

Mr TTR seems to ALWAYS notice when I have something new on… he does appreciate it when I look good… seems to me that a lot of guys like that… (they somehow think we do it for them… when us gals know we do it for ourselves).  So he should be thrilled to see me looking mar-vell-ous on our honeymoon… and I know that it will make me feel great too (and hearing the feedback from him, will only make it that much sweeter too).  A real win-win

 

Post # 9
Member
3265 posts
Sugar bee

It sounds to me like a “marital aids” party.  But I don’t know.  I would not really want one, or want to attend one if that is what it is.

I don’t want anyone buying my underpants, and then picturing hubs and I utilizing said gifts.  Barf.

Post # 11
Member
9550 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2013

@lolitapbg:  My cousin had a personal shower at her bachelorette party because she specificially did not want lingerie. I think I got her lotion or perfume or something like that. I agree that you don’t really have to buy presents for all three, but I’d guess most people will. But it’s totally okay to make them all small to try to cut back on cost.

Post # 12
Member
5 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: August 2012

@JenGirl:  Thanks for the feedback 🙂

The topic ‘Personal shower?’ is closed to new replies.

Find Amazing Vendors