(Closed) Personal vows during first look

posted 5 years ago in Ceremony
Post # 2
Member
812 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2017

Haven’t done it myself, but it sounds like a lovely idea!

Post # 3
Member
2502 posts
Sugar bee

View original reply
grace14:  sounds bizarre – like you’re having a secret ceremony before your ceremony. the purpose of reading vows aloud is that everyone can witness the promises you’re making to each other. you shouldn’t be embarassed by those promises…or you probably shouldn’t be making them. if you’re intent on keeping your vows private, then write them in letters to each other. but don’t have private vows at the first look.

Post # 4
Member
7627 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2013

I don’t think it sounds bizarre at all. It sounds like a very personal moment and a wonderful idea.

DH and I wrote each other letters that we read before we met for our first look. He’s not great at expressing his emotions out loud so it was a beautiful compromise for us. I still carry his letter in my wallet.

Post # 5
Member
2565 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2016

I think it sounds amazing! What a great idea! 

Post # 6
Member
888 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: March 2015

Sounds cheesy.

Post # 7
Member
1011 posts
Bumble bee

I think it sounds like a great idea. It’s not bizarre and its not cheesy. I for one have HORRIBLE social anxiety. I’m honestly not sure how I’m going to make it through the ceremony knowing people are looking at me (and yes, I’ve considered just a private elopement, but I still want to be surrounded by family and friends. Its hard to explain). It’s hard for me to talk in front of crowds, even when I know what I’m going to say, and saying private vows to me sounds beautiful. That way you are able to say your promises from the heart. And I disagree about all the people HAVING to hear exaclty what you say. What if you want to vow something that is personal just between the two of you? What if, say someone has known fertility issues and you want to vow that you will stick with that person no mater what, but do you REALLY want a room of 100 people hearing you say “and no matter what our fertiilty issues are, I won’t leave you if you can’t have a baby?” Honestly? Yes, you can say it without saying it, but that would be the purpose of the private vows, to say exactly what you mean without having to say without saying or hint at something. 

I don’t really get what the big deal is… why people are judgemental about it. It’s not like anyone else would even have to know about it. 

Post # 8
Member
584 posts
Busy bee

Maybe not call them vows? But an open letter to eachoher during the first look?

Post # 9
Member
814 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

We did something similar. I wanted to write our own vows and he didn’t. Our compromise was to write letters to each other and read them to each other in a private moment before the ceremony. We didn’t do a first look, but instead held hands around a corner during this time. We took traditional vows during the ceremony. The reading of the letters was one of my favorite parts of the entire day!

Post # 10
Member
1604 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2017

Our friends actually did this! Had their first look then went off to say personal vows while photographer took pics from afar. Then during the ceremony they just said the traditional vows. I think it’s a lovely idea and if we were doing a first look id definitely be doing it as well! 🙂 

Post # 11
Member
1604 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2017

View original reply
mrsdfarrar6714:  oh! See I wanted to do something like this but was worried it wouldn’t be as special because we wouldnt be able to make eye contact. I love that idea, and now that you said it was still pretty special I think I’ll reconsider it! 🙂 

Post # 12
Member
199 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: July 2017

I love this idea! I’m in exactly the same camp- I’d like to make special vows we write ourselves, but I’m also a very private person and don’t really want to share them far and wide. I feel like the traditional vows would be more than enough to have witnessed by everyone for purposes of the ceremony.

Post # 13
Member
1470 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2016

Um…that is NOT a bizzare idea. For those of us who are shy or have social anxiety thats the best way to go. A vow isnt for everyone who attends the wedding, its for you and your future husband. 

You can write your own vows and share with eachother during the first look and then for the ceremony just do the typical wedding vows where you just repeat what the officiant says. 

Post # 15
Member
970 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2015

I have to admit my first thought was “well, why didn’t you just elope then”, but I do like the comments above…weddings have become such a show, so that private moment between you two and reading each something so personal sounds lovely and special.  

The topic ‘Personal vows during first look’ is closed to new replies.

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