Post # 1
I need some advice from you.
My fiance and I are doing a lovely ceremony full of personal touches, but we won’t be writing our own vows (we’re going to stick with "I take thee…yadda yadda yadda). However, I would like to set aside time together to say our own promises to each other – to make all of those deeply personal promises that we both feel funny saying in front of other people. My best buds did that on their wedding day verrrrry early in the morning, before anyone else was awake (ISN’T THAT CUTE?!?!) and I know that it was an amazing experience for both of them.
However. I am highly – HIGHLY – superstitious and refuse to be seen on my wedding day until I’m at the end of the aisle.
So when/how should we do this? The night before seems too early, and doing it after the ceremony seems kinda…I dunno, redundant. (Yes, I realize that this basically negates all of the options…but I’m hoping one of you geniuses will have a suggestion.) I know of couples who have set aside time during the ceremony to whisper their vows to each other, but my fiance nixed that idea. Any other thoughts out there?
Post # 3
I think this is a great idea!
Often couples take a few minutes to themselves after recessing out of the ceremony and before signing the marriage certificate. That’s probably your best opportunity. Basically, you just keep walking right into a private space (like a backroom, upstairs, etc), then after a few minutes the officiant and witnesses join you for the paperwork, then you head to the reception to be announced. It would be a good time to do it because while you’ve made your public vows, you won’t have legally been married, so you can think of it as an extension of the ceremony. Just make sure that you let your officiant and witnesses know, so that they don’t come in after you! 😉 If you aren’t going to see each other before the wedding, it’s probably your only chance to be alone until after the reception.
Another option is to do it the morning after the wedding, kind of as a "I would marry you again today" or "This is how I feel on the first day of our married life together" sort of thing.
As a side note, I’m with your Fiance on doing it during the ceremony. I don’t know why, but it’s my pet peeve when couples have side conversations during the ceremony. If you want it to be private, then do it privately. Know what I mean?
Post # 4
A friend of mine took the ‘can’t SEE each other’ very literally. Before the cereomony they exchanged gifts via Maid/Matron of Honor and Bridesmaid or Best Man. She got all emotional (aw) and wanted to thank him so they stood with their backs against a half open door so neither could SEE each other but they could talk.
Post # 5
Yeah, I agree with you about doing it during the ceremony. It *would* sort of be an awkward moment for the rest of the guests. 🙂
That’s a good idea – doing it immediately after the ceremony! Right now, that’s number 1 on my list!
Post # 6
OOOOOOOO that’s so romantic!!! Okay, now I have TWO number 1’s. Crumb.
Post # 7
after the reception, at midnight, my husband gave me my gift, which it turned out was reading a list of reasons he loved me outloud to me. Apparently when we started talking to our officiant, he floated the idea of doing something like that in the ceremony. We decided against it ultimately, as it just wasn’t us to do that in front of so many people – thank goodness because the standard vows on their own got us all weepy. Anyways, he started compiling this list when the rabbi first mentioned it, and part of my gift was reading it to me that night. It was amazing, and was such a special way to end the day (well almost end it…). Anyways, one suggestion is that night, just the two of you alone, when you have the time to spend together as long as you want.
Post # 8
Those are all awesome ideas … I had a thought … If you guys are getting portraits after the wedding with your photographer (maybe during a cocktail hour if you’re having one) you could read them to each other and the photographer could capture the moment! It would most likely not be 100% private because your immediate families and bridal party might be there for the portraits … but it could work to have a second mini ceremony as pictures are being set up. You could also write them down for each other and do an exchange via the MOH/BM while you’re getting ready or just before you walk down the aisle — I know for me I’d probably get all teary eyed so that might not be the best time. I love the idea though! Let us know what you decide!
Post # 9
Well! I ran the options by my fiance and I think we’re going to go lock ourselves away from everyone for a couple of minutes afterward to say our personal vows. (Before we sign the certificate!)
Thanks for your input…and if anyone else has any other bright ideas, let ’em rip!