(Closed) Perspective from my FI if you do not like your ring

posted 11 years ago in Rings
  • poll: What would you do if you did not like the engagement ring presented by your FI

    Tell him

    Live with it

    kind of hint around

    other - explanation below

  • Post # 33
    Member
    4590 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: October 2009

    Hubs asked me a couple of times if I like my ring, and honestly, I love it. It sits a little high for my tastes, but that’s not really a horrible thing.  Although, the prongs are pretty sharp, and I have drawn blood on both of us before, so on those occasions I say,  “hey, you’re the one who picked it out!!” 

    But, if I really didn’t love it, then I would have told him, I think he might have been bummed, but would have let me pick out what I wanted. I got an inexpensive wedding band for now, but as soon as I have the money, I am getting a custom made band that I want for it, and he is all for that. 

    Post # 34
    Member
    77 posts
    Worker bee
    • Wedding: August 2012

    @JeffsWifey: On the other hand, you make the assumption that the Fiance did put a lot of time and effort into picking the ring. What if he didn’t? What if he made one stop at a WalMart type of store, got one in a different color from what you ever wear, chose an 80’s style that is not at all what you like, didn’t do any research on diamonds or the 4 C’s, and didn’t even take the time to figure out your correct ring size? What if he didn’t ask any of your friends or your mother for suggestions, and he didn’t get any of your input or really look at any of your jewelry to see what your style was? Are you still obligated to lie to him when he asks you if you absolutely love it? Is it “SELFISH” of a woman to hope that her SO will put a little more time and effort into something she is expected to wear every day?

    Post # 35
    Member
    3230 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: October 2009

    To me, a man that did spend so much time, effort, money, and thought into his FI’s ring would want her to truly and sincerely love it.

    My husband listened to my hints and knew excatly what type of ring represents my style and taste – however, if he would of shown up with, for example, a yellow gold ring, I would of had to say something, its just not my taste; and his desire for me to have a ring that does represent my taste is important to him.

    Post # 36
    Member
    1523 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: April 2011

    I would tell my DH, but it all depends on the guy.  Some guys would be hurt.  Some wouldn’t.  Some guys put effort into ring shopping.  Some don’t.  Guys like my DH just don’t care.  My DH didn’t want to even think about what I liked plus he hates shopping. He proposed without a ring.  Then he let me pick my own ring because he was sure whatever he picked I wouldn’t like.  And he was probably right!  : )

    Post # 37
    Member
    938 posts
    Busy bee

    My Fiance saved up and custom designed mine–so I’m sure glad I love. He was smart though and showed me some very similar ones to guage my opinion. Sure, there are a few things I would have done differently had I designed it myself, but I’ve grown to love even those things because I see how they reflect his personality. However, if I really disliked it, I don’t think I’d have the heart to tell him. I know that he truly wants me to be happy though, so he would probably get mad if he somehow found out that I hadn’t told him (this sort of thing does happen from time to time). And, he would, since I’m not very good at not being fully honest about things. . . Then he would probably go buy me a new ring, haha.

    Post # 38
    Member
    2396 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: June 2012

    My Fiance and I talked about this when he started looking at rings. Ultimately, he told me that if I did not like the style of ring when he proposed, I would need to tell him. He was not going to spend that kind of money on something for me to not love it and secretly wish it was different. I am someone that doesn’t hide emotion well, so he knew that he would be able to tell by my face if I didn’t love it. He admitted that he would be sad if I didn’t like what he picked out, but he would rather me love the end result (He doesn’t want to upgrade, so this is it!).

    However, he did tell me that if I complained about the size of the diamond, then he would be pissed. We both agreed that there is a difference between not liking your ring, and acting as though it is not good enough. I think women can be honest about not liking the style, but when it comes to acting as though the ring as a whole is not good enough, that’s where I have a problem.

    Post # 39
    Member
    82 posts
    Worker bee
    • Wedding: April 2013

    All you really have to ask yourself in this situation is whether you want a new ring more or less than you want to risk causing drama. It’s not a matter of honesty vs lying or preparedness for marriage. It’s a very delicate subject and you can’t just make blanket statements about what a woman in this position “should” do.

    Of course your emotions are going to run high when you’re recently engaged but it may not seem like such a big deal if you give yourself some time to take a step back and re-evaluate your priorities. In my case, if I had spoken up about my ring I’m sure I would have regretted it. Sure, I felt really strongly about it at the time and even planned what I was going to say, but a few weeks later I realized I had fallen in love with the ring and wouldn’t dream of wearing a different one.

     

    I think women can be honest about not liking the style, but when it comes to acting as though the ring as a whole is not good enough, that’s where I have a problem

    @soyjoy222: True, but I think some women who are disappointed about the size of the ring use the “it’s not my style” defense in order to not seem greedy.

    Post # 40
    Member
    266 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: March 2012

    My FH asked his mom for assistance in the ering department. He knew when he wanted to propose, and also knew he would not have the money to actually purchase a ering for me, as we have both been out of work. His mom looked through her rings and found a wonderful ring that was her grandmothers. Brought it up to him on Easter when they came for dinner, and 2 weeks later he surprised me with it, with all 3 of my daughters present. He had already called all 3 and asked for permission to marry me. I love the ring, not gold which is great; neither of us like gold. Here is the picture I took that night.

    Post # 41
    Member
    2396 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: June 2012

    @MissTillie: I didn’t think of it that way. I bet that has been used as a disguise to get a bigger ring. I just remember hearing a girl at work being a brat about her ring size and I was horrified. She was literally screaming into the phone at her now Fiance how the center stone could not be smaller than a certain size or else it would not be good enough.

    Post # 42
    Hostess
    7941 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper

    Very refreshing perspective, thanks for sharing this! However, I will say in the end that I do know some men that would be hurt if the ring they chose wasn’t well recieved. Each bee will have to judge the situation and how to respond on their individual Fiance because they would know him best.

    My Fiance made it clear that he was “spending a great deal of money and wanted me to be happy with the purchase.” We went shopping to give him idea of what I liked and it was hard for me to find something. We ended up going to the custom made route because he wanted me to be happy with what I would be wearing every day. I must say I greatly appreciated his openness to the whole thing, it made it really enjoyable.

     

    Post # 44
    Member
    77 posts
    Worker bee
    • Wedding: August 2012

    @soyjoy222: Wow, that’s terrible! Why would a guy still want to marry a woman who acted like that?! What a witch with a B!

    Post # 45
    Member
    702 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: February 2012

    Fiance and I picked out my ring/setting/stone together. I love my ring!! BUT after wearing it a few months I found that the ring was uncomfortable. Even though it’s not too tight in any way, I feel like I’m developing a pressure sore if I wear it for over 3-4 hours. Weird, no? And then when I tried it on with the matching band, I found them to be really thick and almost painful to wear for extended periods of time.

    I told my Fiance point blank, we might need to start thinking about a different setting.

    The topic ‘Perspective from my FI if you do not like your ring’ is closed to new replies.

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