- 3 years ago
My boyfriend and I have been together for 2 years. He is 39 and I am 32- we live together in a house I own solely, but we house hunted together for it. We also have 3 pets, good jobs, and a wonderful life.
My boyfriend has never been married, and I am divorced. My marriage was not a good one- my ex did not disclose his depression or porn addiction before we were married, and it significantly impacted our marriage. At one point he was not working and using my money to pay for it- which was the last straw for me.
We were only married 2 years before we split. I believe strongly in marriage, and I was unwilling to be in one where I was disrespected and lied to from the outright. Additionally, the lack of intimacy and me functionally acting as his mother (cleaning, cooking, etc) lead me to check out probably for about 8-12 months before we agreed to separate. Admittedly, my current boyfriend was a rebound- in the interest of full disclosure, due to the porn addiction, I had not..ahem, gotten any in over a year- So once my ex and I separated, I went in search of some confidence boosting. I didn’t expect that we would be so compatable, though we had known each other for some time as we had mutual friends.
After about 6 months, my boyfriend was functionally living at my place (he had a key and basically never went home)- and after a full year of dating, I put my foot down and said either we were moving in together or he would have to spend more time at his place. So- we started the house hunt together. I made it clear that I would be purchasing it myself and he was fine with that. We bought in September, and since then, he has put money and sweat equity into making it our home. He never hesitates to help with anything, and he is a wonderful partner to me- I feel very much valued and respected in a way I didn’t in my last marriage. He talks positively about our future.
On top of all of this- he has been a saint regarding the dissolution of my marriage. My divorce dragged due to an agreement to keep my ex husband on my health insurance for a year. Though we had been separated 20 months, my divorce was not finalized till February of this past year despite the fact my ex and I barely communicated. In fact, he moved out of state about 10 months ago.
Now that we are approaching 2 years together, I am starting to think about the long term aspects of our relationship. I very much want to get married again, and I want to get married to this man. A part of me strongly believes that 2 years would be enough time for him to know if I am someone he wants to marry, but another part of me doesn’t know if that is fair due to the dragging divorce I dealt with. I don’t want to put a ton of pressure on the situation, but I also don’t want to waste my time.
My boyfriend is not good with confrontation, so when I bring it up- he dodges the question. Which is similar to what he did when I pushed for him to either move in or go home- it took me laying that out in a very direct fashion to get any movement. I also know my boyfriend wants to go back to school, and I am unwilling to support him financially to do so unless we are married- which I have made clear. I guess I’m looking for any advice- what do I say? What do you believe is an appropriate timeframe to want a proposal? Though functionally I wasn’t divorced till this year, emotionally and in all other ways, I was divorced for about 3 years at this point.
Any and all opinions and advice is welcome!