(Closed) Petrified. Overwhelmed. Do I really want to do this?

posted 10 years ago in Los Angeles
Post # 3
Member
752 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2016

Hi Journey,

It sounds like you’re letting your mind run away with you, to an extent. Yes, what you and Honor are embarking upon is huge – spending a lifetime together always is – but the good news is that you get to take it one day at a time. 

You mention the hugeness of this wedding thing and shows like Bridezillas, but I recommend not getting ahead of yourself. If you aren’t engaged yet, you definitely don’t need to trouble you head with putting "the day" together. You have tons of time for that, and it will come when its time is here. For now, just be. Love this incredible partner that fate has brought you back together with, and let the rest take care of itself. 

The scale of all this is only as big as you allow it to become. The beautiful thing about getting married is that it requires very few, very important things. Despite what shows like Bridezillas and the rest of the Wedding Industrial Complex will tell you, all you need is your love and an open commitment to making it last forever.  The linens and centerpieces and  dress and guest list… all of that is secondary.

So take a deep breath, step away from the wedding channels (though stick with Weddingbee! We’re friendly around here!), and take this one day at a time. You’ll be fine. ๐Ÿ™‚

With kindness, 

DriftsLikeSmoke

Post # 4
Member
4 posts
Wannabee
  • Wedding: May 2009

Journey,

 Actually, I don’t think you’re crazy at all! My story isn’t quite the same, but similiar in some aspects. I too, realized who the man for me was in a month, after knowing each other for 13 years. I’ve known him since I was 8 and we briefly dated when we were 14. For the next 8 years, we were just best friends. We’d both loved each other for a very long time, but were afraid to admit it to ourselves or anyone else for that matter. We both were always just afraid if we took it a step further than friendship, we’d ruin what we did have. This past summer, we finally got over the fear and did take that step further together, and a month later he proposed to me. 3 days later, we were married in a JOP service. We’re currently in the middle of planning our "actual" wedding ceremony for this upcoming May with our families and friends.

 I’d say one of the first things to start looking into would be ceremony and reception locations. Some places get booked up as far as 2 years ahead, while others you can book a few months in advance. Start talking with your FH and together decide what kind of a ceremony you’d like. A fancy one in a hotel ballroom? A small intimate affair in a garden? Or maybe a destination wedding barefoot on the beach….there are really SO many options.

 Once you’ve decided on the type of ceremony you’d like, you’ll kind of get the feel of the formality of your big day. The big lavish ballroom ceremony will obviously be more formal than an informal beach wedding. But if, say, you wanted a formal beach wedding, that’s okay too! There really are no limits to what you want on your big day.

Then there is the dress dilemma….SO many girls stress themselves out over finding the perfect dress. I even turned into one of those stressed out girls, not liking anything I was finding. So, I pretty much just stopped freaking out about it. I found a dress I liked the style of and figured I’d settle on it. No big deal, and I’m really not one of those girls that can justify spending thousands of dollars on a dress that will only be worn on one day. Right as I was getting ready to order the dress I liked, a dress I loved basically found me. It was perfect, what I’d always been searching for and it was a discontiued style that someone had changed their mind on. So my train of thought is you don’t find the dress, it finds you…..if that makes any sense. But then again, half the fun of being the bride is going dress shopping! ๐Ÿ˜‰

 After you get a few of the bigger things out of the way, you can start with smaller details. But you have time, so just take it slow. Enjoy the love you’ve found and have fun planning for your life together!

Post # 5
Member
183 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: August 2008

Hi Journey,

 I’m personally of the opinion (now that I am planning one) that weddings do not have to be perfect social events.  Well, maybe in some circles, but for me, my wedding will be perfect because I am marrying the perfect guy for me.  

I can understand your eagerness to start "planning" before you start planning for real (because once the ring is on your finger, you’ll have lots of "helpers" if you have any "wedding-y friends or family), but there is no need to be stressed about it, especially not yet.  The  extent of my pre-planning was discussing with my (now) fiance whether he had anything specific in mind and keeping an out for weddings and wedding related items so I could get an idea of the wedding "feel" I was going to want.

In my opinion, now is the time to focus on you and Honor and there will be plenty of venue searching (which is where I started) and the rest of wedding planning once you’re engaged.

 Enjoy this part of the journey; it’s a great one!

 MrsCPT(2b)

Post # 6
Member
213 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 1969

I agree with most everyone else on here so far.  I dont have anywhere near the same story as you but I did start planning before the ring. :o) I think all girls do in some way or another and I’m glad to see you are too. 

There is some fragment of a quote I remember I think from 27 dresses where the guy (the really cute one she ends up marrying…) says something like girls spend all their time planning the wedding to distract them from the huge commitment they’re actually making.  (I’ve mangled that quote but thats basically it…)  It is a huge commitment I’m not taking anything away from that at all but for me planning our "Big Day" has made me happier in our relationship.  I’ve learned a lot more about him and myself through the process.  I’ve learned that he’s much more emotional (in a good way) than I have ever realized about me and our relationship and I think we’ve grown a lot becasue of it.  Bridezillas are out there…heck I’ve even known a couple :o) but I think weddings bring out the worst in people if they aren’t confident in the relationship they have.

 

You’ve worked very hard to become the person you are through all the changes you’ve had in your life…If you and honor dated 13 years ago you probably wouldn’t be talking marriage now.  I know I wouldn’t be engaged to mine if it happened at any other time then when it did.

 

This is the just the beginning of your guys life together so you should enjoy all of it.  Its ok to be scared and its ok to be overwhelmed.  (At least I hope so cuz I do from time to time!) 

 

Good luck to everything!

Post # 8
Member
71 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: May 2018 - Private Garden/The Bungalow Club

Hey Journey,

My two cents:

  • Dont get ahead of yourself. You’ve got all the time in the world and wedding planning (when done leisurely) can be quite enjoyable!
  • Scour the internet for wedding blogs. You can find some good lists of blogs in the boards here. There is infinite inspiration to be gained by witnessing others on their journeys, both in terms of style/decor and the emotional trials of engagement.
  • Start browsing wedding sites to see what suits you, but take your time. It took us 7 months to find a place to do it.
  • Enjoy your love. Sounds like fate is in your favor. The rest is just gravy ๐Ÿ™‚

    xo. Miss Meatball

Post # 9
Member
48 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: October 2010

Remeber…..However you plan it, that’s the way it’s supposed to be.  Don’t worry about traditions or how long you knew this person or that person.  It’s your day and you do it how you want.  You can let your  fiance’ add 2 cents (smile)

Post # 10
Member
2640 posts
Sugar bee

A lot of people on these boards love planning weddings.  Since you haven’t really thought about wedings before, go with the flow.  If you like the research, you might find that a big wedding is great.  If you still find it too overwhelming, just thining about it.  Maybe you want to be more laid back.  Weddings come in all shapes and sizes.  Do what is best for you.  If you’d like a big weding, but don’t want to plan, maybe you can hire a coordinator.

While we could list all the things you "need" to do for the typical wedding, and vendors to call, probably the best thing to do is get a planning book.  You could also get most of this stuff and the timeline online too. 

But I agree, just relax about the process for now.   Good luck.

Post # 11
Member
30 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: November 2011

I’m a non-wedding type of girl, too.  I got engaged without thinking about the wedding part of it , and it’s been over a year now and I just started planning.  My younger sister was engaged 4 months after me and had most of the planning done within 3 months.  She’s definitely the big wedding type of girl.  I, on the other hand, felt really lost and scared when I thought about getting married.  My fiance and I have decided to have an extremely intimate wedding, hundreds of miles from home.  And we’re going to do it OUR way.  Screw tradition.

The topic ‘Petrified. Overwhelmed. Do I really want to do this?’ is closed to new replies.

Find Amazing Vendors