- 10 years ago
- Wedding: December 1969
Greetings! I’m not sure what I’m doing here.
I mean, I know why I came here, I came here looking for a place to call my home as I plan my…wedding. Yikes, there it is, in print, for the first time. You’ll have to forgive my stumbling, bumbling ways. Let’s start at the top.
For the purposes of this forum, my name is Journey. My paramour, Honor and I have recently begun discussing our plans to travel the same path together for a lifetime. When that starts, we don’t really know — as far as we’re concerned it already started and at some point we’ll have this…wedding — to pretty much let everyone else in on the game.
If you’re reading this far, maybe you will be the right kind of kindred spirit to help me on this new adventure. We’ll see. I’ll check in with you again later, to see if you’re still here.
I am not a "wedding person". I’ve never been in a wedding. Well, not entirely true — I’ve sung at 2 weddings, but I have never been a bridesmaid, a flower girl or a bride…my sister is younger than I and unmarried. My last close relative to get married (an aunt) was married some 6 years ago. I wasn’t around for the planning, as I lived away from my family at the time, so I only ever heard bits and pieces of wedding news before I popped in on the day of to sing a couple of songs for her at the church before she walked down the aisle.
I have watched "Bridezillas" and I have to say, I’m completely mystified. Why do these women torture themselves for "the day"? It makes no sense to me.
So, first, briefly the not-so-quick ‘how we met’ story of Honor and Journey. Then we’ll get to how I arrived at this point.
I met Honor 13 years ago. We were coworkers and we hit it off rather well as buddies at that time. Now, 13 years ago I was a young ‘un, all of 21 and not a glimmer of marital aspirations to be found. He is 4 years my elder, nearly 5, and so at the ripe age of 26 (back in 1995) he was dating some woman while I tried to figure out how to drink alcohol without vomiting. Come to think of it, I’m still working on that…
For a few months Honor and I were coworker/friends. It didn’t last long, because I was on a college work program and was headed back to school to finish my degree and graduate. Still, Honor and I kept in touch.
When I did graduate, I moved back to the area where I had previously worked, and Honor and I reconnected as friends. For several years we’d remain casual friends who would go to a movie now and then and exchange an email once in awhile. Meanwhile, I got myself involved in a long term relationship that ended up going nowhere for nearly 6 years. Around 1998 I had actually started an online journal, a blog predecessor, and I used that for self-expression and to talk about my "issues" (oh to be early 20’s again). That online journal was around for several years before I eventually closed it.
Near the end of 2000, I got an email one day from someone in response to my journal. I didn’t know the sender, but he intrigued me. I blew him off the first couple of times, but he was persistent in his communication and I was sucked into a fascinating exchange of emails with this person for well over 2 years. This stranger, who I had never met, did not know at all, became my closest confidant, the person who knew all of my deepest darkest thoughts and secrets. It was thrilling, and yet I didn’t see how close I was to this person because I was still stuck in the rut of my go nowhere relationship and was battling some personal demons. I was still in touch with Honor from time to time during this, but I never told him about my mystery man — he was, after all, a movie going buddy who had a girlfriend of his own. What interest would this be to him?
By 2002, I’d made a commitment to myself to get my act together. My sister and I made an agreement to move west together to Los Angeles from our respective home cities, and set about that process throughout that year. By the end of 2002, I had, for all intents and purposes, relocated to L.A. It wasn’t long after my relocation that I lost contact with my mystery email friend…I tried a couple of times to email the address I had for him, but didn’t receive any responses after early 2003. Meanwhile, I had broken my destructive patterns and was finally living my life anew, I got a new boyfriend and moved on. I also tried to stay in touch with Honor from time to time, but we always seemed to fall out of contact again. You know how it is…you try to hang on to some friendships, but we all have our own lives across the distances — makes it difficult sometimes to maintain contact with those who aren’t close family.
Three months ago, Honor "found" me on Facebook and added me as a friend. I was delighted to see my old friend reappear once more, and looked forward to having closer ties. Say what you like about services like MySpace and Facebook, they have done wonders for reconnecting with folks long thought lost.
Just over a month ago I was on Facebook, checking in as I do, and I noticed that Honor had posted a note on his page. He talked about the rough path he has traveled in the last few years, how he was recommitting himself to his friends, and that he was really hoping to be this "Honorable" person he’d always wanted to be. Now, this is where I realize the vagueness of my story may confuse. Let’s say that Honor’s real name is "Bob" (it isn’t). I knew ‘Bob’ as ‘Bob’ and only as ‘Bob’. But I DID know someone who called himself ‘Honor’ — my mystery email friend. He wrote to me under a very specific pseudonym (which I only partially use here). So when I read ‘Bob’s’ note, and he very specifically called himself this VERY SPECIFIC pseudonym…well, it all clicked into place. Bob was Honor. He had always been Honor.
So I responded to his note: "you’re Honor? After all these years…"
And those words set us on our current path. In a short span of time, we found each other, recognized that we belonged together and now focus on our combined futures. We first spoke of marriage a couple of weeks ago, in that ‘what if…’ kind of way. But the ‘what if’ has taken on a ‘will be’ sort of tone now. It isn’t a matter for us of ‘if’ we’ll get married, but ‘when’.
So, being the non-wedding person I have been, I knew I had to start looking for information. I have NO CLUE what I’m doing. I mean, I’m a smart cookie, I’ll figure it out, but as I’ve sifted through wedding websites, blogs, forums, etc, I see just how little I know about this entire culture I’m about to jump into. I used to laugh and wonder how on earth you could have one or even two cable channels devoted to weddings and all that surround them. Now I know.
This is friggin HUGE, and as I try to stand up against the waves of the oncoming information, I realize my need to get out of the water a second. I need a starting place. There needs to be a ‘So, you, the last hold out who thought she’d never get married are now contempating a wedding’ kind of starting point.
I don’t expect that Honor and I will be engaged before late next year sometime. I then expect it’ll be another 8-10 months after that before we are married. So, the good news is I’m starting really early to think on this and to start putting plans in motion.
Obviously I’m far more focused on getting my man moved closer to me so we can really start living our lives together. We’re on opposite sides of the country right now, and we’ve already discussed his move to this coast next year sometime. I’m not freaked out about this path, and neither is he. We are meant to be — this we are sure of, and it is what wakes us up every morning and puts us to sleep at night.
I’m 34 now, and he’s 39; we’re not getting younger. Neither of us was looking to get married, but we both know that this is our destiny together…at some point.
So I have stumbled here, to this forum, posting this really long note and throwing it out in a bottle hoping one or two kind souls will take pity on me and feel inclined to, if not shepherd me through this process, help introduce me to it — tell me where to start. I’d love to develop some good friendships along the way, as I have no girlfriends who are engaged or have been married…and I’m not yet at a point of discussing this with family because, well, when I tell this story, I will be considered INSANE. I mean, what logical, rational person is absolutely certain they’ve found their soulmate after a month (even if I knew him for 13 years?) So, I don’t expect I’ll be talking ‘wedding plans’ much with close friends and family…certainly not yet.
But perfect strangers…well, I’ve had good luck there before. And something tells me I can be lucky in that again. If you are still reading this posting and wondering about me, my story, and maybe how it relates to you, and your story…and maybe you are thinking of things you would want me to know, things you wish you had known or advice you were given…well, I’m hoping you’ll respond to this note and introduce yourself to me, perhaps in not quite as long winded a fashion.
I aim to stick around this place, one way or another. Would love to have some company as I do so.
So, yes, I’m petrified (a bit), overwhelmed (a lot) and wondering what the heck I’ve gotten myself into.
Maybe you can tell me?