(Closed) Photo Thank You – With No Personal Message!! (vent)

posted 10 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 121
Member
1 posts
Wannabee
  • Wedding: February 2016

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raspberrylemonade:  I had the same experience at the last wedding I attended. I was the best man and gave a very generous gift, not to mention the other expenses that I incurred – flight, transportation, hotel, tuxedo. I felt very insulted when I received a photocard with “Thank You” scripted on the front. I was expecting a personal message Especially since the groom and I are very close friends.  I guess not everyone was raised the right way to be apprecitive and thankful. I just find it very sad that people don’t have the courtesy to take a moment and thank people for celebrating their big day with them. I wanted to call him up and bitch him out but  good would that do? im kind of glad I stumbled on this thread… Im not alone in my frustrations 🙂

Post # 122
Member
24 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: November 2016

Agreeeeeed. How hard is it to write a two or three sentence note on the back of a preprinted card? Mention the actual gift (“Thank you for your generous gift, which will help us towards a down payment on our first house!”, “Thank you for the toaster oven- we use it every morning!”, etc.) and throw in a personal acknowledgment (“I look forward to seeing you at the next family barbecue”). Done. Plus, let’s say you had 150 wedding guests- most couples/families give a joint gift, and there is one thank you card for each gift, so let’s say that’s 80 thank you cards. Do 5 cards a night after dinner, and you’d be done in a little over two weeks. It also seems, like, super vain. “Here’s a picture of me looking really pretty! Who cares what you actually went out of your way to gift me, as long as you have a professional photo of me?”

Maybe I’m extra salty because a cousin of my fiancé never gave a gift to my future in-laws for their wedding in 2013. Knowing that, my fiancé and I considered giving them a smaller-than-our-standard gift when this cousin got married, but ultimately didn’t want to be petty so we gave our normal (which is generous). Cousin’s wedding was in May (in an out-the-way location requiring a stay at an expensive and shabby bed and breakfast) and yep, no thank you. So glad she appreciated it. Also this woman is almost 40, has a good job, is a homeowner and just bought at $40k SUV, so its not like she couldnt feasibly give a gift to my FILs- she’s just clueless! I also wonder if her husband is just as clueless as she is- my fiancé would definitely take it upon himself to send out thank yous if I was dragging my feet.

Post # 123
Member
989 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: February 2016

Wow. I only read through part of the thread, but it amazes me how people excuse their rude behavior.  So, this is what I’m getting from this…

1.  Personalized thank you’s are tedious.  So rather than just meet the expected etiquette protocol, we just lower the bar and think pre-printed ones with no message are okay.  Be glad you even got one, Aunt Rose. 

2.  We make the people we care about most wait the longest for a thank you.  I want you to know how much it meant by not acknowledging your generosity for months, grandma. 

3.  People should be thankful just for being invited to my wedding, so really a thank you isn’t necessary. Just think back to that crab salad. Good, wasn’t it?  Your welcome. 

4.  A year out from the big day I can still say life is so busy I can’t seem to sit down a few minutes every night and write a handful of cards. Pass the remote, honey. My favorite show is on. 

5.  Only close friends and family should expect a handwritten thank-you anyway. The others, meh.  You don’t mean that much, anyway. Who cares?

Wow, guys. Come on, let’s look at this from a guest’s perspective! 

A. I came to your wedding, in some cases taking off work, traveling, hiring babysitters, etc.

B. I bought you a gift that was either on your registry (something you wanted!) or something I thought you’d love.  

C. I came to show you my respect, love, and support of your marriage. I didn’t have to come. I chose to.

That alone deserves a personal thank-you. Without hesitation, irritation, or reluctance.  To say 6 months to a year later that you are too busy to fulfil your obligation to that person, or say that there are just too many people, is abhorrent to me.

Have you gone to the movies? Had dinner out with friends? Got your nails done? Read a book or magazine?  You’ve had time. Waited in a doctor’s office? Watched tv at home? Had a lunch break at work?  Worked out?  You’ve had time. 30 minutes a day to chip away at it until it’s done is all it takes. 

There is never a good enough excuse for being rude. 

Post # 124
Member
2538 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

lol -we just got one of these from my BIL’s wedding in which my husband was the best man. Nothing personal written at all just a generic card put in an envelope. But that’s kind of them. Sent the same thing to his own parents. Why even waste the paper? My husband and I sat down and hand wrote personal messages on ours until our fingers were numb. But that’s us I guess.

  • This reply was modified 5 years, 5 months ago by Sunshine09.
Post # 125
Member
30 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: November 2016

Wow,

I did not realize this is a thing.  How incredibly rude!  I cannot imagine not taking a few minutes out for each guest and thanking them with a handwritten note!

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