I’m a photographer (not your photographer, though) and sorry to hear that you are feel frustrated.
I did want to tell you that almost everything in your post is standard for the photography industry.
1. Our package only includes 5 hours of pictures & 100 edited photos.-Most likely you can upgrade the package if you want more. For $900 from an accomplished photographer, this is what I would expect. Some photographers do more images, some less, it is just up to what you purchase and contract for. The fact that another poster got 1200+ doesn’t really factor in.
2. If we go over the 5 hours (which I am positive we will ) we have to pay $100 extra an hour.-That’s very reasonable. See if you can bump it up now for a slight discount rather than on the day of the event. I see you are having a cotton candy machine, sundae bar, etc. Eliminate one of these and get the photographer for more time.
3. I emailed my photographer to ask her about her meal. Since she requires us to feed her I wanted to know if while she was eating if that would be counting towards her 5 hours. And she said yes.-Yes, this is standard. Time runs consecutively once the clock starts.
4. She also requested to sit at the table closet to the headtable. Which would mean one of the tables with our immediate family. Which are full. She says she cant have anyone sitting infront of her.-This is the part I agree with you on that is unusual. Just seat her at a vendor table in the back of the room, yet still in the same room as the rest of the guests. Check your contract for what is required of you. I’d feed her a guest meal, as many contracts stipulate this and not a vendor meal.
5. I am upset because 5 hours is not enough time. We actually have 3 horus between the ceremony and reception so we bascially have 2 hours for ceremony and reception photos. We arent having her take picture of me getting ready because I didnt want to pay extra. What was I thinking? Does this sound right? Should I look into finding someone else?-Five hours is VERY tight. I did a four-hour package and the couple understands that things WILL be missed. It will be a very light coverage, maybe 200 images at most. It basically is just formals and the ceremony, maybe a few reception images. She will be working during that gap time, though, getting couple and bridal party images. I would highly recommend adding on more hours, sticking with your current photog, and thinking strongly about changing your ceremony or reception time. What are guests going to do? Your time allotment is almost impossible with the gap.
I highly doubt you will find a better deal with the same quality at this point so late in the game. Your photographer is running a business and unfortunately, she can’t just give extra time, extra images, etc, out of fairness to her other clients that *did* purchase those extras. Most photographers do the pre-wedding meeting over the phone, that’s also standard, unless there is something else discussed/in the contract.
Advice to help you: Move the reception up as much as possible. Cut the cocktail hour to a half-hour. Be introduced, immediately cut the cake and do your first dance. Dance with your dad and him with his mom, then do the toasts and cut the photographer loose. You don’t need much other reception coverage to be honest.