Post # 1
Hive, I think I may be in an abusive relationship. My husband and I were on the couch tonight when the dog jumped up. I don’t like the dog on the couch so I immediately yelled at him to get down. Darling Husband was upset at me for yelling “in his ear” and reached over to hit me (!) I immediately grabbed him so as to stop him and my computer crashed to the ground. We struggled for a few seconds until I was able to get free. I immediately left the house and came back after an hour of driving around. I don’t know what to do. This has been one incident in the past 7 years we’ve been together and when I came home we sat down and had a talk about it. He apologized profusely. I feel better, but I’m not sure what to do. I feel like if I don’t tell someone about this it will build in me forever and cause me to burst! Thanks for listening.
Post # 3
There is never any excuse for domestic violence or abuse of any kind to even occur ONE time, much less multiple times. Get out of there asap for your own safety. Take your essentials (purse with ID) and either stay with a trustworthy friend/relative who will not give away your location or go to the local ER or police station and have them direct you to the nearest battered women’s shelter where you can stay safely.
Post # 4
@ScaredWife: I am really sorry this happened to you, and understand that you are confused and conflicted and scared. I’m not sure what advice to give you. I know that sometimes I myself struggle with anger, and might throw something or say something I don’t mean. I’m wondering if that was what happened when he tried to “hit” you…but it sounds like, from your post, that this was a REAL hit, not just a frustrated mild push (if you know what I mean).
The struggle part also sounds alarming, and it sounds like you left our of fear, not anger.
Do you feel safe sleeping next to him? Have you seen his anger get out of hand before (even in other ways, if not directed at you)? Has he been more stressed lately – NOT that that is an excuse though.
Post # 5
I am sorry that happened to you.
Since this is a one time incident, maybe you just startled him really bad and that was his first reaction? I suggest getting some marital counseling to see what the underlyng issue(s) could be with your husband and also for you to build your trust back up. If this happens again, I suggest leaving and going to stay with family or friends, until it can either be resolved or you decide you don’t want to see if it can be resolved.
Did he say if there was something bothering him that may have contributed to him acting this way? Had he been drinking or taking medication or something else? Those could be contributing factors. My Fiance had back surgery a couple of years ago and the medication that they put him on, I forget what it was called, made him act very out of character. Once he was off the medication, he was back to his normal self.
Post # 6
I am really sorry this happened to you. I hate to say this, men don’t only hit once. I dated a guy for three years before he hit me. I only found out later that he used to beat his ex. I never saw him again.
You need to really take stock of your relationship and maybe really think about talking to a councilor to do some inner evaluation. This is a very serious issue that should not just be dropped with an appology.
Post # 7
He got home from work really late tonight (830 as opposed to 430) and this happened right as he sat down. Maybe he was just trying to unwind from the day and me yelling scared him? I don’t feel threatened or unsafe, and this is the only time I’ve ever seen him get really mad. He’s never acted out before. It’s hard to comprehend.
Post # 8
get to a safe place when you can, get some real info from the right people.
You and your life deserve better. Call a hotline.
Be safe and smart.
Post # 9
This is a very serious matter! You should definitely talk to experts or others who have been through a similar experience, and get their professional and/or experienced counsel. This may be one place to start:
Also, does your husband exhibit any of these warning signs?
Post # 11
Regardless, there is no excuse for that type of behavior. “Unwinding” from a stressful day at work in the manner you described that he was is not normal or ok for anyone. Men generally don’t scare that easily.
Get out there for your own safety before something worse happens.
Post # 12
Please call 1.800.799.SAFE (7233), the National Domestic Abuse Hotline
People commenting here are not, for the most part, experts. You need to talk to someone who can help you assess your own situation, short, medium, and long-term.
I’m so sorry he did this. it was in no way your fault (sounds like you know this, but bears repeating). Good luck and hugs.
Post # 13
This is a VERY serious issue, and you must take it very seriously. PLEASE, please, please take it from my and experiences with loved ones in my family, you must leave. Like someone else said, they NEVER only hit once and if anything it progressively gets worse.
And PLEASE don’t make excuses for him, there is NEVER an excuse to treat someone like that. Hitting/almost hitting is NOT an okay way to unwind after a long day.
I sent you a PM, but please seek some help!
Post # 14
I agree with the others, scaredwife, and I commend you for ‘talking’ about it and being honest. It sounds like you are a strong woman. The thing that has me most afraid for you is the struggling. If he went to hit you out of some snap reaction or something from being startled then a normal response to your grabbing him would be him stopping, gathering himself and expressing surprise at himself for reacting. For him to struggle with you after you grabbed him would seem to imply that he wanted to hit you and was trying to stop you from interfering from him doing that.
I would, if you are nervous or afraid to sleep next to him tonight, maybe stay with a friend or even lock yourself in a room that you’ll feel safe in. If you can stay with him tonight I recommend calling 1-800-799-SAFE (7233) or going to http://www.thehotline.org/ so that you can talk to someone trained in this to find out what they think an assessment of your relationship is, what you experienced may have been and what your options are. Just talking to someone that you don’t feel will judge you or even know you can help tremendously. Please, please just call or go to the website. And post here. (hug)
Post # 15
I agree with what’s already been said, you need to talk to someone (counselor, family, close friend) who can support you and validate your fear… and to whom you can reach out for practical help in case you need it.
I’m so sorry this happened to you, but even if it’s one time in 7 years, it cannot be ignored.
Post # 16
@ScaredWife: As other posters have said, it is important to speak with experts who are trained in domestic violence counseling. There are many options available to you, and they will be the best resource to come up with a safe plan regarding your circumstances. Please, find the resources in your area and speak to someone who is trained.
Also, for your safety, here is some information on clearing your browser history.