(Closed) picked bridesmaids too soon

posted 11 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 3
192 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2008

I am a pro at tough situations with bridesmaids and MOH’s I went through 2 MOH’s and 1 bridesmaid before my wedding. I think when it comes to a sticky situation like family you need to talk to your Fiance about it. He knows his family very well and he also knows you and his sisters relationship. If it is important to him to have his sister in the wedding party I think you need to honor that. I asked my husband to include my brother in his wedding party. They never have fought they get along but they are not close but it was important to me. If your fiance does not care one way or the other still make sure he understands that if you do not include her that you don’t want this to jepordize your relationship with him or the family. I hope this helps.

Post # 4
2292 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2008

I agree with wubz in that whatever you decide to do, your Fiance needs to agree that it’s the right thing.  After all, it’s his family relations that are potentially going to be impacted.

And I’m not sure, unless his sister has done something really heinous, that you can just cut her out of the wedding altogether.  Maybe you can offer her another position – like the opportunity to give a reading – instead of being a bridesmaid.  Or maybe you can both agree that she would enjoy herself more as a guest.  It might be more convenient if you could say that each of you have decided to have only two attendants.

You’re right, it probably would have been best if you had never asked her.  Because telling her that you don’t want her anymore is going to create bad feelings, even if she really doesn’t want to be your bridesmaid.  And really, you don’t want to come across as the b*tch in this scenario, because it will look bad to all your Future In-Laws.

In the future you might consider two things – first, that even sisters don’t always get along.  I have had periods of time where I haven’t talked to my sister for months, because of something that was said.  In the end we are always the best of friends, but sometimes feelings get hurt.  And second, just because your Future Sister-In-Law confides in you doesn’t mean that she wants your advice.  If you can’t help sounding critical when you give her advice, perhaps the best thing is just to listen and make sympathetic sounds, and leave it at that. 

Post # 5
127 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2019

Tread carefully! A friend of mine did not ask her now sister in law and most of his family is still furious about it. Some did not even come to the wedding because the bride asked the groom’s cousin, who she was close to, and not his sister who she got along with but was not close.

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