(Closed) Picking a date woes

posted 4 years ago in Family
Post # 2
Member
919 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2017

I don’t want to sound callous here at all, but the reality is that even if you chose to get married in 2017, your grandma may not even make it that long. Unfortunately, nothing past right now is guaranteed. I think it makes the most sense to stick with your original plan, because planning it for 2017 could be futile anyway. 

A good example I have of this personally is my fiancé’s dad passed away about a month ago. He’s been fighting off cancer for years, and although we didn’t chose 2017 exclusively for him, we were thinking the sooner the better. Unfortunately his tumor came back with a vengeance a couple of months into our planning.

One thing you could do for your grandma to help ensure her participation in the wedding festivities is to plan an engagement party soonish. That’s what we did for FI’s dad to make sure he felt involved and to make sure Fiance had some fond memories of his dad giving a speech. 

Post # 3
Member
909 posts
Busy bee

All the reasons for a 2018 wedding sound reasonable and make sense to me. That is too bad about your grandmother. If they (your mom and grandmother) want you to get married sooner are they willing to help pay for the wedding? Would your Fiance be open to that? Or maybe you can do a really small and intimate ceremony with your immeidate family then have a big reception in 2018??

Post # 4
Member
909 posts
Busy bee

View original reply
bretagne422 :  I agree, i think the idea of a nice engagement party woudl be really nice. Also maybe you can go dress shopping with your grandmother as well. 

Post # 5
Member
729 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2016

At any age I’m guessing a grandparent might be worried about that. When I told my grandmom in August 2014 that I was getting married in May 2016, she was like “oh I won’t be there”, and she passed in March 2016. It was very difficult because it was sudden and we never in a million years thought she wouldn’t be there for the wedding. As sad as it is, always be prepared for that possibility. Not saying it’ll happen to you, but it does. (Sorry to be a downer, I don’t mean to be!) Congrats on your engagement and planning!!!

Post # 6
Member
1338 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2016 - Painswick Church and the Falcon Hotel

Plan it for whenever feels right for you. It depends what kind of wedding you want 

Post # 7
Member
1494 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2015

View original reply
scipioblack :  Maybe instead of the Fall push for Spring 2018? That might work well for your finances and your grandma would be much happier. And pushing it up by around 6 months would still give you plenty of time to plan all the details without feeling rushed.

Post # 8
Member
87 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: October 2027

Like some others said, (and not to be morbid), you never know how long older relatives will live. Originally we had talked about a June 2016 wedding. I was so eager to get married sooner because my grandparents are very close to me and definitely up there in age. My fiance didn’t end up proposing until later though, and we ended up booking September 2017. My grandfather ended up dying in June. Had we booked our original date, he would have literally been on his dead bed (he was on hospice). 

I know you mentioned she recently had a heart attack, but 76 is pretty young. Try not to dwell on this idea. Remember that things like this are completely out of our control. Stick with your original plan.

Post # 9
Member
733 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2017

I’m not saying that you should or shouldn’t change the date, but I got engaged in October and am having a fall 2017 wedding for the same reason. I was going back and forth between fall 2017 and spring 2018, but my fiance and i decided to have our wedding sooner for my grandma because it is important to me. 

It was a stressful few weeks,  but i already have all the major things booked and have my dress (it was a sample). So it is doable if that is the route you choose. I would suggest doing a Friday wedding or even a winter 2017 wedding because places will be cheaper and less booked up. 

If you’re going to stick with fall 2018, you can still include your grandma in your plans. I think that once she has recovered from her heart attack, it would be nice to take her dress shopping with you. Even if you don’t end up purchasing a dress this early, I’m sure she’ll love seeing you in the wedding dresses.

Post # 11
Member
2876 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2017

View original reply
scipioblack :  You have to realize that your grandmother has literally been through a heart attack so I don’t blame her at all for facing for mortaiity.  It would scare any of us.

What she said is something my grandmother would have said.  I think it just kind of comes with the territory, but at the same time, she kind of is right.  76 isn’t that young.

But at the same time if 2018 works better for you, then so be it.  I personally would not want to be engaged 2 years, but that’s me.  I’d much rather have a much smaller wedding and get married sooner.  I got engaged in September and getting married April 2017, so we’re having a 7 month engagement, and I found plenty of venues available.

I agree with the others to either take grandma dress shopping or have a party so she can feel more involved.

Post # 12
Member
585 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: March 2017

It sounds like fall 2017 would be fairly stressful. Are you completely set on a fall wedding? What about a winter or spring wedding? I, like the rest of the world, really liked the idea of a fall wedding, but it just made logistical sense for us to get married at another time (for us, March). We are in a similar boat in that we’ll be wrapping up law school in 2017, so the summer and fall will be hectic–graduating, studying for the bar, moving to a new city to start new jobs. I didn’t want to have a two-year engagement, so we picked a more convenient time. I’m really excited that we did!!

Plus, winter weddings are fun because there are a lot fewer of them AND you can find some off-season discounts from vendors 😉

 

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