(Closed) Picking FI's friend to officiate, but I'm not that close with him

posted 4 years ago in Ceremony
  • poll: If picking a friend to officiate should they be a close friend to both bride and groom?
    Yes, they should know both of you well : (3 votes)
    19 %
    No, it's okay if only one of you knows them well : (11 votes)
    69 %
    Other, I'll comment below : (2 votes)
    13 %
  • Post # 3
    7312 posts
    Busy Beekeeper
    • Wedding: October 2011 - Bed & Breakfast

    We chose one of Mr. LK’s best friends who lives 2 hours from our home and I barely know. It meant a lot to Mr. LK, and I was cool with it. As far as I know, no one thought it was weird (note: I really didn’t care what other people thought about our officiant choice in the first place. So even if they thought it was weird, it was their problem, not mine.)

    Post # 4
    306 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: June 2013

    We are having a friend of ours officiate. I would say definatley he is close to my FI. I’m friends with him, but I wouldnt say terribly *close*. we picked him because he is also our DJ for the reception and is used to speaking in front of people all the time. He has a nice loud voice, a good personality, and that was really our only criteria. 

    Post # 5
    3421 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: September 2014

    @Kit_Kath:  well you have a whole year to get to know him. you, your FI and him will be planning the ceremony. it will be a good time to get to know him better.

    My Officant is my ‘circle sister’ and is obviously closer to myself then to my fiance. BUT, she has been to the house on multiple occations and my FI does know who I am talking about when I mention her name. She knows that I want my FI to feel comfortable around the person marrying us and so when she comes to the house she makes pleasent talk with him and tries to make herself as inviting as possible (IN A TOTALY APPROPRIATE WAY!). 

    You have a year. Thats enough time to make friends.

    Post # 6
    4525 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: September 2014

    We are actually tossing around the idea of *two* officiants after seeing something similar at other weddings 🙂 I want my best friend who is a talented writer to do it, and we both would enjoy his uncle officiating as well. Both are hilarious and charming and I think would compliment eachother.

    Is there someone you have in mind from your side? It might be something to consider 🙂

    Post # 7
    1728 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: March 1998

    Please be wary when you do this. I’ve posted in the past about how I selected a friend to officiate our ceremony – he ended up taking the money, turning into a diva and ordering us around. Needless to say, we chose someone else, lost out on money, and eventually, ended the friendship over it. Listen to your gut. Do you or your fiance see any juncture at which this friend could cause you problems?


    My brother ended up officiating our ceremony – I’m *so* glad that we did it that way. Have a back-up ordained and ready to go for the big day. You never know who might get ill or who might pull some crap, no matter how long you’ve been friends or how close you are. We were both fairly close with our friend.

    Be very clear and upfront about what you want. I just wanted our officiant to read off what we had selected – basically, we just needed someone to be a speaker and to sign our marriage license. Though I told our ex-officiant that, it either didn’t register or he didn’t care, as he started telling us what he was going to do for the ceremony. Never asking, of course.

    When he continued pulling his crap just 6 weeks out from the wedding, I gave him a polite firing and my brother did the ceremony. Worked out perfectly.

    Getting to know the person, their style, and trusting them is very important. Does he strike you at all as the type who would start trying to dictate? In retrospect, there had been times that our friend did and said things that should have clued me into the problem we’d have at the wedding. I didn’t listen to my gut.

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