Post # 1
I am a long time WeddingBee lurker, and just decided to sign up tonight. My boyfriend and I are on the path to engagement (by the end of the year, I know). I hate to admit, but I’m a little bit of a control freak about some stuff.. I’ve envisioned my ideal engagement ring for years, and came across Verragio. After clueing him on some of their prices to feel it out, he assured me it was within his budget, so him and I went out to a Verragio premier boutique jeweler and I found a beautiful Insignia that I want (which is odd because I thought for sure I’d want a Venetian).
Enough rambling, let me get to the point. Is it ok to show the guy which ring you want? Is this too control freak of me? Part of me is happy that I found something I like and he will get that one, and part of me is a little sad because I think I feel like he should have done all the picking or customizing..? I mean, I have to wear it every day for the rest of my life, right? I don’t know. I’d just be so afraid it would be something I wouldn’t like. I think I just need some reassurance that it’s okay to pick out your own ring. I struggle with such strict ideas of tradition, it’s so hard to let go. Anyone?
Post # 3
I picked out my own ring, but some men want to pick the ring out themselves. It’s not abnormal to pick out your own ring, but you need to talk with your boyfriend about it. He may feel strongly about choosing it himself.
Post # 4
@tintedrosie: I picked out my own ring. We were shopping together and I found one I loved. He wanted me to have the one I loved, easy peasy!
Post # 5
Uuuuh, I am totally in the same boat. I found a ring that I personalized and sent him the link and said: I want that one.
I think there is nothing wrong with showing your SO exactly what you want. It would be the same thing if SO told me he wanted a guitar; I wouldn’t just go out and buy any old guitar, I would make sure it was exactly what he wanted.
And you’re right something you’re going to wear for the rest of your life, and there’s nothing wrong with having a very particular taste.
Post # 6
I picked my own ring too and couldnt be more in love with it!!
Post # 7
Well, he seemed really, actually sort of happy by me telling him exactly what I wanted. Took the stress off of him. I’m just kind of weirdly struggling with myself over breaking something that seems so traditional. I just kind of want some reassurance that there are other people out there that have chosen their own instead of being “surprised” by whatever the guy picked. Silly, I know.
Post # 8
On the bee, it’s really normal! Among your friends, it may be uncommon.
What my Fiance and I did was that he slowly phased in the e-ring experience as light browsing together all the way to showing me CADs for my feedback (he decided to design it himself). I let him take the lead on it. See if your SO will take the lead on soliciting your feedback. If he doesn’t, do like my Fiance did and start first with gently broaching the topic, and assuming it’s going well (he’s receptive and initiating the topic too), leading up to giving him a clear hint of the one you’d like. That way you don’t bowl him over with deciding for him with what he may feel is traditionally his role alone.
Post # 9
i gave my Fiance very specific directions (oval solitaire with a thin band) but didn’t specify anything about size or quality because i didn’t know the exact budget he had in mind. He picked something gorgeous and knowing what to expect didn’t make his proposal any less special. I never felt strongly about “it’s a sign if he guesses exactly what I want.” Good luck 🙂
Post # 10
I felt sort of the same way at first, but it’ll pass. It ends up being SO much easier and less stressful on you both that you forget it’s breaking tradition. Plus, you can still have a huge surprise proposal and know what ring he’s putting on your finger.
Post # 11
It’s fine to show the guy the ring you want, as long as it’s in his budget.
Post # 12
I already love this community! Thank you everyone who already posted for their feedback. It feels really amazing to know that this isn’t strange. I feel a little silly asking, but I can’t really discuss it with my friends. They’re all either in rocky relationships or single, and I don’t want to be “that friend” with the perfect relationship and what I know they will think is a petty and probably annoying issue. Seriously, thank you all so much. This is what I needed!
Post # 13
I picked my first setting and my new upgraded one. As long as you are both good with it, that’s all that matters!
Post # 14
I feel it’s perfectly okay to pick out your own ring. I didn’t pick mine out because he never asked for my opinion but if he would have asked I would have given him exact specifications 😉
There is nothing wrong with knowing what you like, specially if he is willing to listen. Why not get something exactly to your taste. I was pleasently surprised with my ring, but I’ve known a few friends who have not loved theirs.
Once you get that ring, you won’t even think twice about you directing his decision
Post # 15
I think as long as you discuss it with your partner, and he is fine with it (he may feel strongly about doing it himself), then go for it!
I picked my own engagement and wedding rings. My Fiance really didn’t know what he was doing and he didn’t want me to end up with something I hated! I found a beautiful ring that we both liked.
Post # 16
I think Sex and the City scarred me for life. I didn’t want to risk a bad ring, and then having to lie about liking it. I don’t like to lie to him about anything, and I would hate to have him disappointed.. so I guess that’s part of the reason. Seeing the responses on this post has already made me feel a little better!