(Closed) Picking my own ring.. is this normal/ok?

posted 9 years ago in Rings
Post # 92
239 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 2013

So there are a TON of posts here and I did not read them all..

What we did, is my guy and I looked together for a while, and then he asked me to email him a list of 5 rings I loved. He chose from that list.
(This was over the course of about 6 months, so there was still some surprise when he popped the question!)

Post # 93
2501 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

I not only picked out my own ring, I picked out the diamond and was there when he placed the order (mine is a custom, handset ring). DH is the type that wants to make sure I love my gifts, so had he not let me pick, he probably would have packed a gift receipt! LOL In all seriousness though, he wanted to make sure if he’s putting down this much money for something that it’s exactly what I want. He really loved it too so it’s not like I chose something he detested.

That said, I only know of one other person that had complete say. A majority got the diamond in a plain setting (which they ended up keeping rather than picking out a new setting) and a couple got a surprise ring that they kept (and I assume they loved).

Post # 94
148 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: March 2015

I think its fine especially since you like to have things a certain way. 

I am not a control freak at all but definitely have a certain taste for jewelry. I have looked many time with my SO and we have both decided we liked the Tiffany Novo. I wanted 1.5-2 ct cushion and it to look kinda like the Novo. Even though he hasnt propsosed, the ring he customized is along those same lines. 

I agree that it would have been terrible for him to propose with this ugly ring. I am not very good at holding my tongue and probably would have said something so it was in his best interest to create something that I liked. Luckily we have similar tastes. 

Post # 95
1204 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2010 - parent\'s backyard

@tintedrosie:  learn from my mistake: I used to think it was rather piggish to be really specific about what I wanted in a ring (note: I don’t feel that way anymore). so I was extremely vague with my hinting, and his intrepretation ended up being pretty different from what I felt like I had conveyed to him. don’t get me wrong, I love my ring. but I wish I had been at least a little more specific.

honestly, I think most men will appreciate the guidance so they don’t have to be so nervous about choosing the wrong ring for you.  also, I would have LOVED it if he offered to let me choose my own!

Post # 96
4394 posts
Honey bee

I think a woman should choose her ring. We’re talking thousands of dollars here (generally). It just makes sense to make sure you’re happy with such a large purchase, unless of course you really don’t want any input, then more power to you. I don’t think it’s controlling to want such a huge purchase, both financially and emotionally, to be exactly what you want (within reason). 

Post # 97
1286 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2015

Picking your own ring is far from a sign of being a control freak!  As long as your guy is ok with it, some men feel strongly about wanting to pick out the ring all by themselves and surprise you. 

My SO puts it this way when it comes to my gifts – if he’s buying something expensive, e.g. more than a couple hundred dollars, then he wants to be 100% sure that what he’s buying is what I want.  So yeah, same goes for my future e-ring! Laughing

Post # 98
144 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

@misscoralrose:  That’s actually really smart! And definitely an experience that you won’t forget!

Post # 99
30 posts

@tintedrosie:  my boyfriend and I went to a local jeweler and I picked my engagement ring.  I absolutelllllllllyyyyyyyyyyyyy loveeee it!. Plus he wanted me to pick it because he knows how I am. I dont regret my decision.  He has since put a downpayment on the ring, now the wait begins! Atleast he still has the opportunity to surprise me when he proposes!.

Post # 100
1486 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

@tintedrosie:  I picked my own ring. My Fiance was relieved because he knows how picky I am and I’ll be wearing it for LIFE, so ya…I wasn’t leaving it to chance. I also did an insane amount of research and that isn’t his thing. I wanted to make sure he got a good deal and so did he.

I would rather he spend his hard earned money on something I love that I am absolutely confident in. I have no friends that had their guy pick it out on his own. None.


I even was with him when he bought it!! And no…nothing was ruined for me at all. He was able to propose when he and how he wanted and I was really surprised! The ring was in the house and I had no idea.

Post # 101
4108 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: October 2015

I’m picking out my ring! My boyfriend wants me to be happy and I have an obsessive, control freak personality, so he doesn’t mind letting me help. What I’m doing to try and and balance things out is narrowing it down to two or three rings and having him select from there, although even that is giving me anxiety, haha. 

Honestly, I don’t think there are very many “rules” when it comes to engagements anymore. I think it’s about what feels right for you in your relationship. Some of my friends were aghast when they found out I was picking my ring, but then others, even my mother, were on board with me having a say in the matter. 

Would I love ANYTHING he got me? Yes, of course because I am sentimental so it would always have a special place in my heart, but if I am going to wear it forever, we both agreed I should have a say. Especially because I don’t even wear jewlery to begin with–so it’s kind of a big deal for me.

Post # 102
2265 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

@tintedrosie:  I don’t think it is appropriate or becoming to select and demand a specific ring When your opinion hasn’t been asked for.

If your boyfriend asks, I think it’s okay to give him suggestions but he gets to set the budget and he is also entitled to input as well.

Post # 103
215 posts
Helper bee

@tintedrosie:  I picked out mine, because I am both picky and practical.


I didn’t want him getting me something that I didn’t like, nor did I want him getting something I couldn’t wear as I work (I work with my hands, and having a ring too pretty to scratch would be a problem)

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