(Closed) Picking out own engagement ring without ruining proposal

posted 8 years ago in Rings
Post # 17
Member
542 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

@ash2013:  ummm you know he’s going to propose-you’ve had that chat, its no longer going to be the big big surprise? He can’t have it both ways! πŸ˜‰

My boyfriend really didn’t want the responsibility of choosing on his own. We have been looking in shop windows for years with me pointing out my favourites but we only went INTO a store to try rings on last August. Turns out I’m obsessed with coloured stones and they’re not readily available where we live. So at the beginning of this year he was ready. Buying from a store wasn’t an option so we did a ton of research and ended up buying the stone online. I was heavily involved in this process and when it arrived I checked it over with SO to confirm we were happy with the purchase. That’s where my involvement ended. He wanted to go to the jeweller and sort out the setting. I showed him plenty of photos if my favourite setting and talked him through all of the aspects of it but I still don’t know what he’s gone with. I do know however that it arrived in the house last weekend but I don’t know when he will propose, or how.

Maybe this could be an option for you? Being involved with the stone purchase (which is the really big outlay) and he do the setting? Or buy the whole thing online but you not see it in real life nor know when it has arrived?

Post # 18
Member
6109 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2012

“ummm you know he’s going to propose-you’ve had that chat, its no longer going to be the big big surprise? He can’t have it both ways! πŸ˜‰

 
 It can still be a surprise in the manner which he does the proposal, I just posted my story above.
 
I think that is what she’s talking about.

Post # 19
Member
430 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

View original reply
@oneofthesethings:  I may be confused bit from reading the story I thought that he boyfriend didn’t want her to look at rings with him because he wanted to keep the proposal a surprise and hat if she had input on the ring there’s no point in proposing because she’s going to expect it.

 

The part of me that’s been waiting thinks it’s totally ok for the proposal to not be a surprise.  Why can’t it be a joint decision?

 

My bf and I took a middle of the road approach.  Bf went to the jewelry store first and talked about budget and diamonds and such, then took me a week or so later and the jeweler knew to only show me things in his price range, without telling me what that was.  I said what I liked/didn’t like about a bunch of settings and we narrowed it down to a style I like, but not an actual ring.  Then we looked at stones and decided whether size or quality was more important. I choose quality.  They sized my finger, wrote everything down for my bf and we left.  He went back on his own to pick out the setting and diamond, taking my likes and dislikes into account.  It’s still a surprise because while I suspect he may soon have the ring, I don’t know anything for sure, who knows how long it could have taken him to get once he ordered it?

Post # 20
Member
542 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

View original reply
@sienna76:  yeah, what I was getting at is the whole thing won’t be a surprise-they’ve had the discussion, its on the table. I agree the proposal itself can still totally be a surprise-I’m hoping for that myself! Just because she knows the ring is there doesn’t mean he has to propose as soon as they get out of the shop, but it won’t be the whole ‘OMG I had absolutely no idea this has come out of no where’ type surprise, if you get what I mean πŸ™‚ I probably misunderstood it thougseen it uncommon!) I just assumed he was talking the whole thing he wanted to be a surprise, but as you say it could well just be the proposal in which case that can definitely be kept as a surprise even if the OP has picked the ring herself, as you say.

Post # 21
Member
286 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: March 2014 - Glen Sanders Mansion

@ash2013:  I think most people know a proposal is coming sinthe you would hope the couple would discuss marriage before springing a proposal on someone. The proposal will still be a surprise!

 I would tell him that you think it’s really important that he invest his money on something you will love, since you will be wearing it forever. If he doesn’t want to actually go to the store with you, I would suggest enlisting a close friend/relative who knows you two have discussed marriage and would feel comfortable talking to him about it. Go shopping with that person, see what you like, get sized, etc. then this friend can relay the info to him. it may just be that he thinks going in to a store together will be weird/ruin the surprise.

I have a friend (one of my BMs!) who works at a high end jewelry store, and during a store event, I tried on some bands and found one I loved. She also sized me. I felt comfortable enough to email my now-FI all this info, but if I hadnt, she would have given him all the info directly. 

Post # 22
Member
222 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 2013

My fiance and I picked out my ring together. I tried it on in the store and he purchased it. I even saw it when it came in. Obviously, I knew a proposal was coming but I had no idea how we was going to do it.

 

When he proposed to me I was completely shocked. It was a very special moment even though we picked out the ring together. It’s all about how you two feel.

Post # 23
Member
906 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: February 2014

My Fiance surprised me with this, but it might make both of you feel better. We, too, had been talking engagement and were unsure about what to do on the choosing front. I’m picky, picky, picky.

He came up with a genius solution! He went to a local jeweller (without my knowledge) and had a sapphire set in white gold. It’s not a large stone, but absolutely to my taste. I don’t know the cost but it wasn’t obscene–I’m guessing a few hundred dollars. He proposed with that one, totally surprising me! THEN he informed me that we were going shopping together for the perfect diamond ring. He just couldn’t justify dropping nearly 10k on something he wasn’t sure I wanted to wear forever. We had a blast visiting different shops and found the perfect diamond ring together.

These days I wear the pretty sapphire on my right hand and on my left when the diamond is in the shop (like right now).

Post # 24
Member
1149 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2015

We went to a jeweller so I could describe the ring I want in very specific detail (getting it custom made) and from here on out I’m not involved so it’s still a surprise (which is killing me as i’m so impatiant!).
I’d suggest explaining to him that the majority of us know it’s coming at some stage because it’s often talked about before hand.. it’s certainly not strange for you to know it’s coming but that doesn’t mean you don’t deserve the fairytale proposal! (and by fairytale I mean anything from an all out elaborate public proposal to a quiet at home just the two of you type thing.. whatever floats your boat! both are just as special!) You still deserve that special moment to tell people about and remember forever πŸ™‚

Post # 25
Member
69 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

Maybe he’s just more traditional and wants to choose the ring and plan the proposal by himself.  I personally think that’s very romantic.  Or maybe he already has something planned or a ring picked out … You never know!  If he’s resistant to going shopping I wouldn’t push it, just teasingly mention you’ve left a few links to rings you like bookmarked on your comp in case he wants to get an idea of what you like πŸ™‚

If you yourself feel like you need to try rings on to identify what you like, make it a fun activity with your friends/ sis/ mom!

Post # 26
Member
10 posts
Newbee

Oh boy, I hear you girl! I am having the same trouble, but only worse, because I want a ring from moissaniteco.com, and my boyfriend is so “technologically impared”, I will pretty much have to order it for him using his credit card.  I am at a loss as to how this is all going to work, and sort of just giving up on the surprise element.  I’ve been with my boyfriend for 6 years and we both didn’t really want a wedding or any of the hussle bussle, just the ring and the label of being husband and wife is what we want, we very much do things our own way, it often dissapoints family and friends that we don’t want the whole wedding shabang and romantic this and that…but we’re doing this for us and no one else, so I am ok with knowing that he has the ring, and just waiting to see how he’ll propose, he’s a goof, so I’m not sure if he even knows how to be romantic or that a proposal “should” be romantic lol. We will see.  Unfortunately, I will have to know he has the ring (plus their 15 day return policy will put a rush on that proposal once the ring is here incase I don’t like it???) gah.  Whatever, I just wanna call him my fiance/husband instead of boyfriend since I’ve done that for 6 years already.

Post # 27
Member
18 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: May 2014

My bf took me ring shopping.  He had me pick out things I liked and chose from that when he Purchased it.  Most stores will put your choices on hold or mark them down for you so all your bf has to do is give your name.  

 

I am so glad I got to pick it out!  πŸ™‚

Post # 28
Member
51 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: June 2015

@ash2013:  I am confused. Do you mean you think he is suggesting that you shouldn’t go with him at all because it would ruin the surprise? 

Or are you asking how to explain to him that he shouldn’t just hand you the ring after you buy it and that you would still like a real proposal?

 

Fiance and I chose my ring together. I took it to get it sized and picked it up. He “hid” it (under the bathroom sink, like I wouldn’t find it there) unitl he proposed for real. I was STILL surprised when he was proposed! So no, I don’t think choosing a ring together ruins the surprise at all. In fact, I felt even more excited knowning that a ring was waiting.

Post # 29
Member
276 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

I designed my ring and had it custom made…I really did ruin it for me.  He picked it up and paid for it and proposed to me, but it just wasn’t at all what it could have been.  

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