(Closed) Picking your wedding party without offending people

posted 3 years ago in Engagement
Post # 2
Member
47211 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

kellina :  No need to tell anyone they won’t be in the wedding party.

First, don’t be in a big rush to ask your bridesmaids. Depending on when your wedding is scheduled, friendships can change a lot in the interim.

Once you have asked your bridal party, if someone else says anything, you tell them ” We have already chosen our wedding party. I look forward to you attending as a guest.”

 

Post # 3
Member
1661 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2017

Don’t have one 🙂

Post # 4
Member
606 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2016

I agree with julies1949! You only need to talk to the people who *are* in your wedding party, not let others down easy. They may approach you and ask, but until then, it isn’t your reponsibility to notify them of not being in your wedding party. 

I have a couple friends who I think semi-expected to be in my wedding party, but I don’t see them often and we aren’t very close any more. It was really tough for me to leave them out… but I decided to have my two absolute closest friends as co-MOHs, and my fiancé’s sister as a bridesmaid, and leave it at that. My fiancé only wanted 3 people on his side anyway, so it worked out perfectly. 
My friends did ask who was in the wedding party, so I explained who, and they didn’t ever ask “Why not us?” I think most rational people will realize you picked your bridal party for personal reasons and you don’t need to explain yourself. 

Post # 5
Member
551 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2014

Its really hard, I think its impossible to do it without hurting or disappointing anyone. 

I chose one bridesmaid in order to try and simplify things. It didn’t.

 

I don’t have a sister or any sister in laws currently. So I looked to my friends and extended family. I considered three girls but I wasn’t confident enough (18 months ahead) that two would be well enough at the time of the wedding; as it happened they were and one was my reader as well as my make-up artist which got her to dress with me in the morning of. I was bridesmaid for my cousin, though she didn’t ask me to be involved to the extent her other bridesmaids were and when I didn’t pick her to be mine, she didn’t express her disappointment until after the wedding.

The girl I did pick was really excited which was awesome but then decided to go abroad in the six months prior to the wedding and was so difficult to get hold of. She didn’t come to the ceremony rehearsal because she was away with her boyfriend but told me that she was busy with work. She organised a great hen do but unfortunately one that was too expensive for several of my friends. 

I also got a lot of flack from the social group that I had only chosen one of the three girls in that group from school. 

However since the wedding… in retrospect I would have chosen the two I hadn’t thought would be strong enough as well as another friend who I have a much better friendship with. I wish I’d waited until closer to the wedding to have a better impression to who would support me.

 

If you want people to be involved but not as part of the bridal party sometimes they can do other jobs like Reader or maybe finding people for photos later in the day.

You just have to make your choice and see what happens.

Post # 6
Member
1565 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2017

 

kellina :  You don’t have to tell anything you don’t want to. If they ask – you just want a small wedding party. Your Fiance wants a small wedding party. As others have said, no need to give a reason! I like what julies1949 wrote.

Post # 8
Member
7642 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

kellina :  Keep it small! The fewer you have, the harder it is to offend someone. Your old friend or cousin is less likely to be offended if you have 2 bridesmaids, than if you have 12.

I only had 2: my best friend since I was 10, and my sister. No one could possibly claim to be as close as those two so there were zero problems. 

Post # 9
Member
1024 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 2016

It’s so shitty but some people like the drama and “specialness” of being in a wedding party, not becuase they genuinely want to stand by your side. Your wedding is one of those times that you can be selfish, haters to the left! Put people in your wedding that are interested in you all the time, not just when they have a chance to have attention. 

Post # 10
Member
1115 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2017 - Mississauga Convention Centre

We kept it as simple as possible only siblings are going to be in our wedding party. 6 bridesmaids and 6 ushers and 1maid of honour and 1bestman. The only siblings that weren’t part of our bridal party is my older brother and my finacees oldest sister bit we picked their children to be our flower girls and ring bearers.

Post # 11
Member
607 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2017

Yeah its super awkward when people ask or make suggestions as to who should to be in your wedding…and for me I couldn’t tell if they were being for real or were just joking. Anyways, like the previous posters said, just ask the ones you’re inviting to be part of your wedding. But also take your time with choosing (depending when you decide to have your wedding)…friendships can change from now up until the time of your wedding.

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