(Closed) pissed about FI’s friend’s bach party

posted 9 years ago in Relationships
Post # 3
1514 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2009

I’m sorry about your weekend.  When I’m PMS-ing if something sets me off, all I see is red for a few days too.  I agree, your Fiance did the right thing, but the company he keeps says a lot about him too.  If you two have this agreement, I’m glad he stuck to it.  You just need to talk and be open with each other and he needs to be ADIMIT with his friends that strippers are NOT allowed.  If they’re <span style=”text-decoration: underline;”>truly his friends, they will listen, if they balk – then maybe he needs some new firends.

Post # 4
613 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2009

youre not being irrational at all, but you gotta calm down.  a) you cant control what someone else’s bach party is like.  b) u cant control the party that other people throw your Fiance.  when it was time for my hubs bach party, i made it perfectly clear that we would have problems if there were any strippers involved.  guess what, some of guys (but not him) broke off from the rest of the group and went to some seedy all night strip club.  what could i say?  hubby had “ALLEGEDLY” not joined them.  i think it just bothers me that so many married, about to be married, and men in serious relationships went!  i think the bach party is really for the friends and not the guy about to be married anyways.  which also upsets me but thats another post.

all you can do is have a cup of tea and calm down dude.  i am with you with the anger but its not going to get you anywhere.  you have shared you strong feelings about the topic with Fiance.  all you can do know is trust that he will respect your feelings. 

Post # 6
908 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2009

This is a tough situation and I understand some of your feelings b/c we also had the “no stripper” bach-party rule.

It sounds to me like there are two seperate issues, the first is the Bachelor party he just went to and the second is that you are worried about what might happen at his bachelor party.

I think that you are overreacting a little to him being at the bachelor party in New Orleans.  Give him some credit for not going to the strip club, I’m sure that it was uncomfortable for him to “break from the group”.  It sounds like he thought you would be proud of him for not going to the strip club and I’m sure he made the decision not to go, at least partially b/c he knew you wouldn’t want him to.  You can’t be mad at him for hanging out with people who would go to a strip club, our friends don’t always have the exact same values that we have and it’s not fair to push our values on other people. 

As for his bach party, maybe you could ask him to have a serious conversation with his best man about how he doesn’t want strippers.  Maybe he could request a specific theme for the bachelor party and tell the best man that he would prefer to go to a casino or deep sea fishing.  Also, maybe you could have a chat with your Fiance before his bachelor party.  We talked about what would happen if my husbands friends got strippers despite what he had said.  I told him that I understood that it would be too weird for him to just walk out so I understood if he stayed there but that I was very uncomfortable with him touching a stripper or getting a lap dance.

Try to put this in perspective.  I stressed about the bach party too and I understand how things hit a bit harder when you are PMSing.

Post # 8
355 posts
Helper bee

you’ve got a good man! i hope mine would do the same thing ๐Ÿ˜‰

Post # 9
4466 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

I agree with previous posters that I think you are overreacting a little about the New Orleans thing.  The point is, he didn’t go to the strip club.  A lot of men (my fiance included!) would have gone with the excuse that “everyone else was going and he HAD to”  I don’t think you should be so upset about his friends.  We don’t all share the same values with our friends, especially when it comes to stuff like this.

Post # 11
14186 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2009

Just be grateful he didn’t secretly go AND keep it quiet from you! That shows he truly respects your opinion. We all have friends that do things we wouldn’t necessarily do; doesn’t make them bad friends persay. I’m sure he caught hell from his buddies, but he didn’t give in to peer pressure! Good man =]. Once the PMS is gone I think you’ll be much calmer. It really does make us all a little crazy, doesn’t it? Also sounds like since didn’t go for his buddy’s, he’ll be respectful of you for his own. Plus, like your Fiance said, the other dudes (Best man aside) don’t sound into it, and majority will rule.

Post # 12
990 posts
Busy bee

*hugs* Has Fiance talked to his friends about your rule? Hopefully they’ll respect you and him enough to abstain from strippers for his bachelor party!

Post # 13
66 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: November 2008

I think you hit it on the head when you said you’re irrationally angry about this. I’m not being nasty, but I think that the PP who said you cannot control what other people do was right on. The only thing you can control is how you respond. You’re not marrying his friends, you are marrying HIM and HE didn’t go to the strip club. So nothing bad or wrong transpired, even according to your no-strippers agreement. Be thankful you’ve got a man that isn’t swayed by peer pressure. Not everyone is so lucky.

Personally, I didn’t care at all that Darling Husband saw strippers for his bachelor party, and he wouldn’t have cared if I saw any. I do understand where you’re coming from, as one of my BFF’s has a HUGE issue with strippers, and the idea that there might be any at my bachelorette or DH’s bachelor party kept both her and her Fiance away from the festivities. (For the record, he saw them, I didn’t, and she knew that.) And the friend who opted not to come was a bridesmaid, so I appreciate that this is a deeply personal issue.

But I think you need to chill a bit and look at the fact that you have an honest and loyal Fiance. Breathe and appreciate what you’ve got! Smile

Post # 14
1490 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 1969

I think you’ve got a good guy. He managed to resist the peer pressure of a destination bachelor party and respect his agreement with you. Yeah, he deserves a medal, In My Humble Opinion.

Post # 16
1956 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2010 - Tannery Pond at the Darrow School

I feel your pain, Kittyachi, bc a few weeks ago (and I posted about it, the thread got kinda heated) my FH went to a bach party in New Orleans as well, only he WENT to the strip clubs with everyone, using the “everyone else was going” excuse.  I was VERY upset with him, so I definitely know how you feel…At least he didn’t go in one….But in general, I think strip clubs are gross and nasty, so I understand you being upset about him being with people who went but like others have said, he was a good man for not going, so try to give him props for that and remind him that for his, the same rule stands…

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