(Closed) Pissed Off Bride!!!

posted 8 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
1980 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

Um. Well I don’t think you have the right to be as mad as you are, frankly.

Men aren’t usually “Men of Honor” in weddings. I would guess that your friend doesn;t know what is expected of him, and that his lack of participation is probably because he is clueless that he is supposed to throw you a shower, etc. and not because he doesn’t care for you.

Just try and remember that a shower is not required (although is is nice) and try to accept that your Man of Honor isn’t going to fulfill the role to the degree you had hoped. Enjoy him standing up for you on your day, but beyond that I wouldn’t expect much.

Post # 4
Member
14186 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2009

None of those things are required, just nice. Maybe, b/c he’s a guy, he thinks it’s not a big deal (aka he’s not listening to his wife?). He didn’t say that he couldn’t afford to throw you a part (so the chairs, vacation, etc are all quite moot in my opinion), he probably just didn’t think of it

are you having other bridesmaids? what about your mom? what about your fmil? somebody else easily could’ve offered to throw one. If you really wanted a party, you could’ve arranged it yourself, bought all the food, and gone out with your girlfriends as a regular night out.  You could’ve asked him, too, if he had any ideas and said something along the lines of, “hey i was wondering if you had a weekend you wanted to throw the X party. I want to keep it as simple as possible, so don’t do anything crazy! i just want to hang out with everyone” or something so you don’t come across as greedy for gifts (make it like, you wanna know the schedule).

20 days out is pushing it, but a lot of women have their bachelorette parties a week or two in advance, so….

inquire nicely, but don’t act entitled about it. that won’t fly

Post # 5
Member
6597 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2010

I think you needed to talk to him about what you expected his “duties” to be before 20 days before your wedding.

it’s kinda late now to be mad about it! And other people could have filled in these roles as well as he is a guy and probably has never been to a bridal shower or bachelorette party before.

Post # 6
Hostess
18643 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2009

I agree with the others.  He probably doesn’t really know what is expect (and guys aren’t great at planning).  If I were a guy, I would probably feel awkward planning a bridal shower and bachelorette party because those are girl-only events.  I didn’t have either of them before my wedding and even though it’s sad, it wasn’t the end of the world.

Post # 7
Member
6661 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2010

I don’t think Men ‘get it’ and am not surprised to hear he blew off the bach party and shower planning. Sorry! And there are no real expectations as to what bridesmaids/moh’s have to do for a wedding except for show up to the wedding. 

Post # 8
Member
860 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

I don’t think you should let him off the hook just b/c he’s a guy… come on. That excuse might work for the shower, but guys know about bachelor parties… bachelorette parties aren’t much different unless you’re having a spa day or something.

But, I agree that it is a little too late. If you want a night out, be upfront with him about it.  Ask him point blank if and when he is planning on getting everyone together to celebrate before the wedding.

Post # 9
Member
2867 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

I think this is why guys usually aren’t Men of Honor – they don’t have any interest in showers etc. Women are more likely to enjoy planning these types of events.

It might have been better to ask him to do a reading rather than have him be in your bridal party. I think you might have been expecting too much.

Post # 10
Member
1148 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: January 2011

I think the biggest problem here was that you expected his wife to let him know about all the rules. If it had come from you then it would probably mean a lot more. Of course, you still have time to have a shower thrown (think finger foods in his man cave so he can show off his new chairs) and if you’re super set on having a bachelorette, I’d see if somebody else can throw it for you as he’ll most likely feel uncomfortable otherwise.

Post # 11
Member
636 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2009

I think you might be expecting too much.  A few friends of mine have had ‘men of honor’ but their girls were the ones who planned events. I just don’t think it is a man thing.  It is nice that you wanted to honor him in that way, so just remember the reasons that you wanted him to stand up with you in the first place and maybe see if any of your other girlfriends are interested in taking the reigns…

Post # 12
Member
2271 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2009

Honey, I had a female Maid/Matron of Honor and she did jack sh*t in terms of wedding prep, etc. Frankly a man wouldn’t have a clue.

Post # 13
Member
837 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

No one, including your bridal party, is obligated to throw you a shower or do anything else for you, and asking for one is rude.  The bridal party is required to buy a dress/rent a tux and show up on time.  That’s it.  And you shouldn’t judge other people’s finances – maybe he had been saving for a long time to buy those chairs – it wouldn’t be fair of you to ask him to dip into that money for your wedding.

Post # 14
Member
204 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

Is it possible that your man of honor thinks you are unconvential (since you did ask a guy to be your MOH) and just assumed that you wouldnt want or need these convential events?

I think there was a real lack of communication here and the worst part is you are seriously running out of time. Get your girls together and start planning the bachelorette party ASAP, since you can totally do that last minute and it doesnt have to be expensive. However, I think the bridal shower is a lost cause :o(. So sorry!

Post # 15
Member
123 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

I’m planning it all myself and as I told people they offered to help.  Now I have some friends planning it along with me.

Post # 16
Member
990 posts
Busy bee

In My Humble Opinion, it seems as if your expectations were a little high because he is a guy. They dont really know all of whats involved and they cant be bogged down with too many details otherwise you’re setting yourself up for failure. All of those things are agreeably, niceties, but not requirements. You have a right to be angry, but you missed your mark a little on this one, unfortunately, I’m sorry. Have you talked to him at all to see where his head is at on this? Maybe he would like to step down?

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