Post # 17
I agree with the other girls, a bridal party on some wedding websites or in books imply that there are “duties” but really it’s just fun stuff that would be nice if they were handled but are not required. If he’s supposedly your best friend then why haven’t you openly talked about a few things before now? Personally, I think your attitude has probably put a little bend in things.
Post # 18
I cant really see a man throwing a bridal shower OR a bachelorette party even if he is the Man of Honor. If I were a Women of Honor I definitely wouldnt feel comfortable throwing the bachelor party! I think you need to talk to him before your feelings boil up. Do you have other BM’s that could throw the bachelorette party?
Post # 19
I’m unclear from your post if YOU told him what exactly you expected of him as Maid/Matron of Honor when you got engaged, or only if his wife told him in general terms about what Maid/Matron of Honor generally do.
The only thing I expect from my Maid/Matron of Honor is that she come to my wedding, wearing the dress we picked out (and honestly, if she showed up in a different dress, that would be fine too). Everyone has different expectations – and you have to make them clear at the get-go.
If you specifically told him when you got engaged that you wanted a bachlorette party and a shower, then I think you do have a right to be somewhat pissed. If you didn’t tell him, honestly, I don’t think you have a right to be pissed. Not everyone wants those two events – or those events to be done in the same way – so if you didn’t explain to him what you expected, then you can’t really be too mad that he didn’t do what you wanted.
Post # 20
I’m sorry that you feel upset, but if you didn’t dictate exactly what you wanted from him, then you can’t really be mad at him. I’m so sorry! I can feel your disapointment. Maybe it’s not too late for him to throw together an impomptu bach party for you?
Post # 21
I think those things should have been handled by other bridesmaids or family. They aren’t required events and he probably didn’t know he was supposed to, even if his wife told him. Did you lay out your expectations to him or just assume that someone would clue him in?
Post # 22
OP states His wife advised him of all the responsibilities that came along with this title. So I don’t think it’s a matter of him being clueless. I think he just doesn’t care enough? Is it possible, OP that you two drifted too far apart? He’s married now and the friendship you used to have, is slightly different? But listen, his closest female companion, his wife, I’m sure has COMPLTELY filled him in on what you are expecting. Is she jealous at all of your relationship with him?
And I hate hate hate when people, like one poster above, state that OP can’t or shouldn’t judge other people’s finances: And you shouldn’t judge other people’s finances – maybe he had been saving for a long time to buy those chairs – it wouldn’t be fair of you to ask him to dip into that money for your wedding. If the guy (or anyone) can’t afford to be part of a wedding then DO NOT accept an invite to be part of the wedding. In a sense, OP MAY judge his financial state because it is affecting HIS role as HER male of honour. I get what OP is saying. This guy seems to have the money to party and even throw a party for someone he’s known a lot less time then OP. I would be hurt too !
My advice is to swiftly tell him you need more emotional support and you are therefore happy to see him at the wedding as a guest but you will be asking “Miss X” to step in instead.
Edit * Oh wait ! It’s 20 days before the wedding? I guess there’s no time for anything but in that case, tell him you are asking someone else to step in anyway so at least he gets that you are upset. If he is still your “best friend” he will make it up to you. I have a sneaky suspicion though that wifey is jealous of you? You were different in asking a male to step in, continue being gloriously different and have a bachelorette AFTER you get back from your honeymoon? Have a shower on your one month anniversary and make it co-ed? Good luck girl ! xo
Post # 23
Everybody ‘gets’ what she’s saying, but not everyone is agreeing with it. It’s nobody’s business what one does with one’s own money. Maybe he’s in credit card debt up to his eyeballs right now because of his purchases. Many people live for the moment and worry about paying for it later. Who knows what the real situation with him is?
I think if there’s other women involved in the bridal party, THEY should have tried to put something together if he wasn’t. You may be taking your anger out on one guy, but why not all of them then? From every wedding I’ve been involved with, its never just the Maid/Matron of Honor planning everything……..it’s the entire bridal party.