(Closed) Pity Party!!! Long vent

• Angela83
• 8 years ago

• Wedding: May 2011

I’ll try to stop being such a Debbie Downer after this post… but I’m feeling sorry for myself … I must vent and have nowhere else to do it! 🙂

This may have come up in some other posts… but anyway… My parents are good people, but they are slightly dysfunctional.  I never expected my mother to be one of those moms that gets very involved or excited about wedding planning.  I never thought I wanted that either, but I find myself almost getting jealous of posters who have mothers that are very involved (even though I know that is a mixed bag).

I know my mom likes my Fiance.  She seemed happy that we got engaged, but not exactly over the moon.  We live about 2.5 or 3 hours away, but she hasn’t sent a card, asked us to come over for dinner, or wanted to come to our place.  The last time I saw her was Christmas.  I talk to my mom on the phone a lot and we have a good relationship (although it is not the typical parent-child one). We can usually be very honest and straight forward with each other.

Now, I never ask my parents for money and didn’t expect them to volunteer thousands of dollars or anything.  But, it would be very nice if my mom volunteered to throw in $100 to help with the dress, or the cake, or invitations etc.  Or if she didn’t want to give money, then just make a nice gesture (like volunteering some help to research venues, or whatever).

She’s also made some weird comments about not knowing if she’ll be able to get off work, what she’ll do with the dog etc. 

To the extent we have talked about the wedding, my mom has said the whole wedding should be 100% about me because traditionally it’s about the bride only, and that it’s getting off on the wrong foot to compromise on anything.  What??  I felt like firing back, “maybe so, but that is b/c traditionally you should be paying for this.” (We’ve taken some money that FI’s parents offered… Fiance has a big family).  Another time she made a point of telling me a story about a friend who eloped (sort of implying that we should do that).

I dunno, it would just be nice if she acted like she gave a crap that I’m getting married.  And if she isn’t going to give a crap, then fine, STOP making snarky comments and acting like I’m putting you out b/c I’m getting married.  

Normally I would just bitch her out and tell her to help, but that would defeat the purpose.  I want her to want to help in some way, or to be excited for me.  It’s like this has never occurred to her or something…  I can’t tell if she just doesn’t know any better, or just really doesn’t care and can’t even bring herself to fake it. Oh well, can’t change people…

• Angela83
• 8 years ago

• Wedding: May 2011

Thanks for listening to my rant ladies!

@soontobewalsh-  Good advice.  I think I might have to eventually confront her b/c I am starting to feel resentful.  I usually can be honest, and if the $100 or her help researching would make or break me, I’d definitely say something.  I’m upset because I want her to to want to help.  If I say that she has to help, or that I’m offended that she’s not helping it might defeat the purpose.

@FMILady-  I think you are right on the money.  My mom constantly expresses how unhappy she is with my dad (and has told me this as far back as I can remember… they got back together when I was in elementary school).  Sometimes I think she just likes the tension and likes to complain about it. 

But, when I told her that we were considering getting engaged, she was somewhat supportive, but asked “what is the rush?”  Fiance and I are 27 years old, have been together for over 4 years, lived together for 2 years, have completed professional degrees and have been in the work force for 2 years.  I don’t know how that is rushing… so I’m thinking maybe she is just not that gung-ho about marriage.