- 6 years ago
- Wedding: May 2011
I really need to spill here as I’ve been keeping a secret to myself and its paining me. I’ve been struggling the last few months because I’ve been plagued by dreams of a formerly close male friend of mine (before I moved to be with Darling Husband.) After I told him I wan engaged (it was quite sudden and unexpected to everyone), he told me he loved me. This caused some pain to me as this meant 1)I’d been unknowingly hurtful to him, 2)Our friendship was going to deteriorate as he was going to try to detach himself. This has basically broken my heart because he was such a great friend. We had never had any kind of physical relationship, it was very plutonic though we stayed over each other’s places a lot, traveled together and were very close. I told myself at the time to just relax, you’re just distracted by the attention…. but now a year later, with sparse contact (though I’ve always tried to remain friends, we are generally thousands of miles apart) I am having dreams about him every night and missing him so much, and I feel like I can’t talk about it with anyone because its a taboo subject due to what he told me a year ago… I’m afraid to tell him how much I miss him because I don’t want to bring up a could-be sore subject, while he seems to be doing well – going on dates and is hopfully over me though he rarely tells me about himself anymore…. and I don’t want to tell Darling Husband because he’s never met my friend but has always been a little paranoid that there was something between us – but there never was.
These dreams just make me so sad and emotional, I’m having a hard time knowing what to do with myself.